laughing dog
Contributor
Can dogs count as friends?
My most long term friend, and one of my closest friends I’ve known since 2nd grade. Our friendship has had holes in it—times when our paths diverged and re-converged after many years. My other very close friend has been my friend since she moved to my town when we were 13. Part of the closeness is the longevity: we know where the bodies are buried, so to speak or less colorfully, we know each other’s early traumas, histories, family structures and all of the major events of our lives. Either of them would be there—have been there for me in a heartbeat, and I have tried to do the same for them. My oldest son describes friendships of different levels: the ones you meet out for drinks, the ones who will help you move house, the ones you hang with watching/playing a game or listening to music—and the ones you bury bodies for. Those two friends?
What, in your mind, differentiates between friends and acquaintances?I presume that having no friends is healthier than having bad friends? currently I'm without any close friends, as the only two individuals I truly considered friends have passed away, and others I've met have been acquaintances, never forming deeper connections. My wife doesn't count because we're more than just friends.
Edit: I do call and treat my acquaintances like friends though.
I could be wrong, but it often seems to me that men have a harder time making close friendships compared to most women.
I don't think a lot of men really open up emotionally until their forties or fifties, or when they become a parent.
That's a pretty good article and I have to say that I agree on its main points. I'm sort of the host type although right now, our little atheist group h as two other host types. Our delightful gay ladies have opened their home to the group a couple of times, and another woman has had several parties at her family's home. This Sunday, Mr. Sohy and I are again playing hosts to a little gathering of the cats, probably between 6 and 8 will show up. It's a planned out pot luck as I'm trying to get us to have a fairly balanced meal. We can call it a Solstice or a Festivus for the rest of us party, if you were a fan of the Seinfeld show, you know about Festivus. We always have a lot of fun with these friends, but every group I've been a member of, has sort of faded away over time, but those who are coming on Sunday are really friends, most who I've known for over 10 years.
Ah. I get that. I’ve also noticed that in friendships, there are those people who always do the checking in ….and those who don’t. I try not to make any judgements about that. A couple of my friends are ( jaw dropping beautiful, intelligent, fantastic human beings ) introverts who never thought anyone gave them a second thought when the reality was that everybody always assumed they were busy.What, in your mind, differentiates between friends and acquaintances?I presume that having no friends is healthier than having bad friends? currently I'm without any close friends, as the only two individuals I truly considered friends have passed away, and others I've met have been acquaintances, never forming deeper connections. My wife doesn't count because we're more than just friends.
Edit: I do call and treat my acquaintances like friends though.
I check on them and they never check on me.
Edit for clarification: Friends check on me.
Yes, and I think men tend to form relationships through shared work or through shared arranged activities( sports—participation or watching) or things like fishing or helping each other with projects. I spent many many Saturdays in a small boat with my father from Sun up to just before dark and we might not have spoken 2 dozen words to each other all day.I could be wrong, but it often seems to me that men have a harder time making close friendships compared to most women.
My experience has been that the men I know are less emotionally available than women, and less interested in conversation for the sake of conversation. This is true in my workplace, my family, and among my college friends. I don't think it's universal among men, but it's likely true that women are more social than us, on average.
Women also mature faster, I don't think a lot of men really open up emotionally until their forties or fifties, or when they become a parent.
Ah. I get that. I’ve also noticed that in friendships, there are those people who always do the checking in ….and those who don’t. I try not to make any judgements about that
I guess that makes me a social hybrid. I'm often initiate gatherings at my house and making the effort to check in on acquaintances or just spend time at their places. Despite having shared moments of personal difficulty, follow-up inquiries about my situation just don't happen. I've even faced extreme situations, like dealing with a troubled teen who posed a threat to my safety, yet never received questions like, "How did that situation turn out?" I've ended my community involvement & lately, I've been keeping my social circle confined, involving just few colleagues (some old some new) and family, without the expectation of empathy.
My take is that quite a few people out there are reasonably self-involved, and just don't have much genuine curiosity about other people. It ends up being jarring and confusing for someone like you,
I often suspect that dogs are the only people who count as friends.Can dogs count as friends?
My take is that quite a few people out there are reasonably self-involved, and just don't have much genuine curiosity about other people. It ends up being jarring and confusing for someone like you,
I don't find it jarring or confusing in the slightest. Rather, it's challenging for me to feel a genuine connection with someone when our conversations don't delve into meaningful topics. The discussions I have with acquaintances are superficial, and can seamlessly blend with ones I have with complete strangers. After experiencing the depth of two genuine friendships, to me these surface-level interactions just don't qualify as friendships.
I had no idea that you knew my neighbor. My dogs are my very close friends, but I also have some human friends. They are also friends of my dogs.I often suspect that dogs are the only people who count as friends.Can dogs count as friends?