ideologyhunter
Contributor
I'm proposing an investment group to create a brand new Bible-based tourist attraction -- the Amazing Hill of the Foreskins, from Joshua 5:3. Picture a durable vinyl hill, some 40 or 50 feet tall, with foot-paths to the summit and a picnic area around it. Hill to be painted in bright shades of pink, red, and Mediterranean deep tan.
Location: My board is currently in discussion on this point. One group proposes the area around Alexandria, Kentucky, which is close to I-75 and which would create a Magic Faith Triangle with the nearby Ark Encounter and the Creation Museum. The group that I head thinks we should locate in Hood County, Texas. Hood. This draws in the Dallas/Fort Worth population.
Operation: The Hill would be open year-round, although my contractors have told me there would be some shrinkage in cold weather.
Local employment would be enhanced, as the Hill complex will need a large support staff, including re-enactors for the theatrical events, currently envisioned as:
The Mass Circumcision - Joshua's Big Mohel-Palooza, the event described in Josh. 5: 2-7.
Moses's Hot Foot - Moses is saved from being murdered by God when a freshly severed foreskin is rubbed on his foot (Ex. 4:24-6.)
Big Bag O' Foreskins: David's men kill 200 dudes, circumcise their corpses, and David brings their foreskins to King Saul as a wedding present. (This event will be held in an arena with the theme song 'Love Hurts'. Kids will be able to take selfies with David and the Big Bag.) (Based on I Sam. 18)
Hepzibah's Stitches: from I Sam. 24; Hepzibah takes the foreskin from the slain Goliath and fashions it into vestal robes for the 12 virgins of Shechem. Okay, I made that one up.
Goals:
1. To return a profit to the investors.
2. To provide a faith-building family vacation spot. "Draw Back the Curtain to Adventure!"
3. Hopefully, to cause all Christians to exclaim in wonder as they leave, "Jesus Christ! Why does God have this obsession with the goddamned foreskin???!!!"
Location: My board is currently in discussion on this point. One group proposes the area around Alexandria, Kentucky, which is close to I-75 and which would create a Magic Faith Triangle with the nearby Ark Encounter and the Creation Museum. The group that I head thinks we should locate in Hood County, Texas. Hood. This draws in the Dallas/Fort Worth population.
Operation: The Hill would be open year-round, although my contractors have told me there would be some shrinkage in cold weather.
Local employment would be enhanced, as the Hill complex will need a large support staff, including re-enactors for the theatrical events, currently envisioned as:
The Mass Circumcision - Joshua's Big Mohel-Palooza, the event described in Josh. 5: 2-7.
Moses's Hot Foot - Moses is saved from being murdered by God when a freshly severed foreskin is rubbed on his foot (Ex. 4:24-6.)
Big Bag O' Foreskins: David's men kill 200 dudes, circumcise their corpses, and David brings their foreskins to King Saul as a wedding present. (This event will be held in an arena with the theme song 'Love Hurts'. Kids will be able to take selfies with David and the Big Bag.) (Based on I Sam. 18)
Hepzibah's Stitches: from I Sam. 24; Hepzibah takes the foreskin from the slain Goliath and fashions it into vestal robes for the 12 virgins of Shechem. Okay, I made that one up.
Goals:
1. To return a profit to the investors.
2. To provide a faith-building family vacation spot. "Draw Back the Curtain to Adventure!"
3. Hopefully, to cause all Christians to exclaim in wonder as they leave, "Jesus Christ! Why does God have this obsession with the goddamned foreskin???!!!"
