• Welcome to the new Internet Infidels Discussion Board, formerly Talk Freethought.

Joke gallery

Elixir said:
It would take a cunning linguist to convey it with more subtlety.
Click to expand...
So Antin was shopping and came across a selection of cow tongue in the meat section. Just the sight of it took him back to his childhood. Other children used to make fun of him when they found out what was in his sandwich, but grandma used to make wonderful dishes with this cut. And grandpa used to tell him how important the peasants in the Old Country found each and every last little part of the cow So he was proud of his heritage and realized he hadn't cooked a good dish in his grandmother's honor in years.
THat evening his wife, Kerin, came home to find the kitchen a shambles. Dishes were broken, pots were upended, water steamed on the floor, knives were trip and step hazards... And her husband, Antin, was kneeling in the corner of the dining room, shoving a broom under the piano, and swearing.
"ANTIN!" she screamed. "WHAT THE VUCK YOU DOINK?"
"Can't talk," he said. "Cat's got my tongue!"
 
Keith&Co. said:
Elixir said:
It would take a cunning linguist to convey it with more subtlety.
Click to expand...
So Antin was shopping and came across a selection of cow tongue in the meat section. Just the sight of it took him back to his childhood. Other children used to make fun of him when they found out what was in his sandwich, but grandma used to make wonderful dishes with this cut. And grandpa used to tell him how important the peasants in the Old Country found each and every last little part of the cow So he was proud of his heritage and realized he hadn't cooked a good dish in his grandmother's honor in years.
THat evening his wife, Kerin, came home to find the kitchen a shambles. Dishes were broken, pots were upended, water steamed on the floor, knives were trip and step hazards... And her husband, Antin, was kneeling in the corner of the dining room, shoving a broom under the piano, and swearing.
"ANTIN!" she screamed. "WHAT THE VUCK YOU DOINK?"
"Can't talk," he said. "Cat's got my tongue!"
Click to expand...

:hysterical:
 
A 10 year old girl walked into a bar and demanded of the bartender a double scotch on the rocks.
" Do you want to get me into trouble?" asked the incredulous bartender.
" Maybe later," said the girl. " Right now I just want the scotch on the rocks."
 
Do you ever wish you could go find the first person you ever had sex with and do it again so they could see how good you are now?

Honestly, I'd love to but I don't know what parish he works at.

* John Fugelsang
 
A Scottish farmer was in his field digging up patatoes. An American tourist leaned over the fence and shouted out : " back home iin Texas we grow patatoes that are five times that size."
"Aye laddie," replied the Scotsman, " but we only grow them to fit our own mouths."
 
Two old Codgers sitting in a bar swilling beer, one says to the other, 'I had checkup yesterday.' 'Any problems? his mate asks. ''No, fine, the Doctor says that there is nothing wrong with me that a miracle can't fix''
 
A. Why did the Aussie start cruising gay bars? [Politically incorrect]

A. Because government health officials told everyone they had to have five fruits a day.

My wife left me because of my views on the environment.
I tried conserving water by showering with our neighbour's daughter.
 
angelo said:
...
My wife left me because of my views on the environment.
I tried conserving water by showering with our neighbour's daughter.
Click to expand...

That sounds like good clean fun. When I was a young lad my mother told me kids today don't know what good clean fun is. I said that's probably right. We don't know what good it is.
 
Q. Why did the man keep getting back on his bike every time he fell off?

A. He was a firm believer in recycling.
 
1. I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.

2. I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.

3. Two clowns are eating a cannibal. One turns to the other and says "I think we got this joke wrong"

4. My wife told me I had to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.

5. What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted.

6. I bought my friend an elephant for his room.

He said "Thanks"

I said "Don't mention it"

7. I have an EpiPen. My friend gave it to me when he was dying, it seemed very important to him that I have it.


8. I poured root beer in a square glass.

Now I just have beer.
 
Number 3. Two cannibals are eating a clown when one says to the other : do you think this tastes a little funny?
 
Did you hear about the scientist who accidentally froze himself to zero degrees, Kelvin?












He's Ok.
 
A cop came up to me the other day and said: " where were you between four and six?"

I said: " primary school."
 
There's a new diet doing the rounds. It's called the garlic diet.
You don't actually lose any weight. But your friends will think so from a distance.
 
How many atheists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the work and the other to videotape it. So that theists won't claim God did it
 
Jesus walks into a hotel reception desk and throwing a handful of nails on the dest asks : " do you have a room I can hang out for the night?"
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom