Broke Food

[Keith&Co.]

What was your nadir?
Desperation choices from circumstances... broke comes to mind, although i will include options from a dearth of alternatives.
The base was shut down one time for a blizzard, so everything closed. After about half an hour, the vending machines in thhe barracks were empty.
I had a Cup O' Noodles, but the only microwave in the building had been destroyed by drunks.

I heated water in the iron i used for my unifrms. About a quarter cup at a time.
The noodles were SUPER al dente.

 

[Keith&Co.]

Every time the tender went to sea, the geedunk* disappeared before the maneuvering watch secured. If you didn't adequately prepare you were limited to the official meal times.

My shop was there to support the subs alongside, so we literally had no work at sea. We went into eleven section duty on the one watch we dupported
The guys got SO bored, i found them making popcorn.

They used a metal coffee pot and the hot air gun used for shrink wrapping cable repairs.
Sounded like a maraca death match in a wind tunnel, the kernels came out black, tasted like sadness and toasted styrofoam.


*Snacks in vending machines, ship's store, ship's alternate store, stolen from the galley. Chips, candy, cookies, whatever.

 

[Keith&Co.]

Another trip out on thed tender, three days at sea to let the captain earn sea pay, someone in the division seduced one of the cooks.
Showed up in the shop with something he stole on his way out. A case of maraschino cherries.
Everyone told him, 'We'll never eat that!'
Two days later, i came off watch to find six guys watching the dvening movie, each with a jar...
"God DAMN that's nasty, give me another."

 

[skepticalbip]

Everyone should stash a 'last ditch' supply. Mine is individual cans of Beanee Weenees and Vienna sausage. My niece goes with the Beanee Weenees but prefers Slim Jims to Vienna sausage.

I once got stranded on a coastal island for a week because a storm had moved in and the ocean was too rough to get off the island. After going through the food we had brought, we were reduced to eating mud snails and squirrels.

 

[Keith&Co.]

My grandfather [mom's dad], uncles, and Dad used to go deer hunting for a week at a time.
First night they set up camp, they played poker. Biggest loser was camp cook for the trip. The only rule was if you complained, that was volunteering to do it better.
Grandpa HATED cooking. Hated having to plan a meal, hated having to stop hunting early, hated getting up early for breakfast....

So, first night, he put about two cups of salt in the stew trying to get someone to complain. Shit was nasty. It was beyond saturated, and crunchy from the undissolved salt. Dad was willing to complain and become cook, but he wasn't willing to give Glenn the satisfaction. Die, you fuck, sort of thing.
Uncle Roy came back late, sat down, took a big bite and in one smooth uninterrupted sentance shouted, "God DAMN that's salty just the way i like it."
Watching his father-in-law's look of victory, then dashed hope, just made my dad's decade.

Then all the vets in the party (this was most of them, back when the draft was active) started discussing guys who screwed their own unit and got the holy plonkers kicked out of them after lights out. Grandpa didn't try that shit again.

 

[Elixir]

Stranded at the west end of Jamaica with my girlfriend ca 1971. There was no development there but I had permission to stay under a thatched roof hut.
Three weeks waiting for money to arrive in Negril (actually Mo’ Bay but we had no way to get there).
I had a Hawaiian sling, and there was a forest gnome - an ancient man who lived in the forest - who would emerge every couple of days and give us fruit.
Probably the healthiest eating I ever did, but hungry all. the. time.

 

[Gospel]

Being piss broke in America is not all bad because you have access to food. Yeah, it's trash but food nonetheless. Bayshore Long Island New York, I used to target a shopping center off Union Blvd as it had a Chinese Rest, Italian Rest (pizza), and a Deli in the same plaza. I had absolutely not a single dollar to my name on many occasions so I'd go there just after close to dumpster dive. Lots of food that was just at their counters would be in trash bags. I'd just tell myself, they were just inside the store about to be purchased by normal folks so what's the big deal. I'd pass up the Chinese food dumpster because it stunk like a school of dead rats. Anyway, I made off with sometimes whole pizza pies, freshly baked bread that the deli would toss for the day including some deli meats they considered unusable for the next day. I'd share my hauls with other homeless people. because it was just too much for me.

Anyhow, after some time other local bums got word of my haul location & they started doing community runs on the Deli & Pizza dumpsters. It got to the point that nothing good was left by the time I got around to checking. However, just like myself, they all refused to even look at the Chinese food dumpster as it was like disturbing a human body after they've been dead for several days.

Well, I got really really desperate once and decide to take a look inside. And holy fucking shit!!! There was one untouched eggroll sitting directly on top of the pile of trash bags. I said fuck it, took the damn eggroll, and walked for like a mile before I can eat it because it took that long for my nose to forget where it came from.

 

[Jimmy Higgins]

I have been quite lucky to have never been remotely poor (or stranded) except for a stretch of about 48 hours in the summer during college when interning, when I had temporarily lost my wallet. All I had on me was a few bucks and trudging in a local market trying to find what I could buy. A large can of beefaroni.

 

[thebeave]

However, just like myself, they all refused to even look at the Chinese food dumpster as it was like disturbing a human body after they've been dead for several days.

And I'm little disturbed on how you know what disturbing a human body is like after being dead for several days. I think you must have a story (or two) to tell, yes?

 

[Gospel]

Long story short a homeless dude we called bucket kneck went missing. We called him Bucketkneck because he used to be a bodybuilder & lost most of the bulk everywhere but his neck. Anyhow, we found him during the winter in the woods wrapped up in his usual garments and didn't know he was dead until a joking kick was administered. That kick was a really bad idea. It was like, I dunno how to explain it. An immediate release of everything going on inside his garments.

We had to call the police but I didn't stick around (because I'm black). Charlie (white friend) called the cops and that was the end of it. They did the usual block off the scene and carried away his body from what I was told. I don't know what the investigation found and I damn sure wasn't walking into the police station to ask.