Childless Elderly and long term care

[Rhea]

Was pondering what about elderly who have no children.

For many many people, part of having children is producing a pension, of sorts. I don't think this is a bad thing. Although I do think society benefits when they create an old age system that provides security without children, because it obviates the desire to overpopulate just for age security.

Still given a society that _does_ create the ability to survive aging without children, how do people plan to do it? How many don't make any plans?

I had an aunt who never had children and visited between nieces and friends for most of her adult life. When she needed nursing hiome care, one of her friends took care of things. But I don't think she ever had a plan and this could have backfired horribly. Once in the nursing home, she got few visitors because she had not cultivated second-gen friendships. Maybe this was fine with her for her ten years there, but I'm thinking it was lonelier than she might have wanted.

I also have age-contemporaries who are child-free. It's curious thinking about what their plans are. Or whether there are any plans.

What do you all think?

 

[Loren Pechtel]

Even if you have children they can't realistically spend all that much time with you when you're in a nursing home. Thus I don't think there are plans to solve the situation.

 

[Rhea]

Even if you have children they can't realistically spend all that much time with you when you're in a nursing home. Thus I don't think there are plans to solve the situation.

You don't have anything else to add to a discussion?
I find a strikingly different outcome when I volunteer at a home for the elderly.
The difference is no visitors ever, or perhaps one every 5 years. Of course none when all of your friends are in their own nursing homes.
Versus once a year to even once a month or once a week. Or in our case our mothers moved in with us for several years - so that's every day.

You think there is no difference?
I'm surprised you think that's a real answer.

 

[Rhea]

One situation that one could plan is to see if you have friends who are also in the situation and you plan to use the same nursing home. Or even if your friend has kids, it doesn't matter, you still choose the same home as a friend. If you plan ahead...

 

[laughing dog]

From my observation, many people end up in a nursing home without adequate planning. So, they have tasks and errands that must be done by someone else outside of the nursing home.

I would think for people who have no children or whose children live far enough away, they should be carefully planning now for such a possibility. There are now businesses and lawyers who specialize in "elder car" who may be good resources in planning.

 

[T.G.G. Moogly]

From my observation, many people end up in a nursing home without adequate planning. So, they have tasks and errands that must be done by someone else outside of the nursing home.

I would think for people who have no children or whose children live far enough away, they should be carefully planning now for such a possibility. There are now businesses and lawyers who specialize in "elder car" who may be good resources in planning.

It's such an individual thing. Some people want it that way. Even a large family doesn't mean one will take you in and care for you. My grandmother ultimately had to be put in a home because it became impossible to maintain a normal home with her there.

It's really a matter of money. You can live comfortably and content if you have enough coin, and just put up with the fact that other people have lives of their own.

I have kids but want no part of nursing homes where we warehouse the elderly. I'll find a way to die on my own terms.

 

[Bronzeage]

Even if you have children they can't realistically spend all that much time with you when you're in a nursing home. Thus I don't think there are plans to solve the situation.

That is sort of the point of a nursing home, isn't it?

 

[thebeave]

Well, it seems to me that it may be a better deal, at least with regard to your care in your senior years, to not have kids and invest the money saved in a retirement account. Raising just one kid to an adult can cost a couple of hundred thousand dollars, not to mention college costs, special medical issues,etc. If you're smart about it, you could live a pretty good life in an upscale assisted living facility with professional staff to cater to your needs. I know a few elderly people who have done this. They don't have to cook their own meals if they don't want to, and there are games and other social events. A trained nurse or attendant is just a push button away. Trusting that one or more of your kids is going to be there for you when you get old might be a bit wishful thinking. You may have raised a criminal or a spoiled brat, or maybe the kid just lives in another state or country.

 

[Loren Pechtel]

Even if you have children they can't realistically spend all that much time with you when you're in a nursing home. Thus I don't think there are plans to solve the situation.

You don't have anything else to add to a discussion?
I find a strikingly different outcome when I volunteer at a home for the elderly.
The difference is no visitors ever, or perhaps one every 5 years. Of course none when all of your friends are in their own nursing homes.
Versus once a year to even once a month or once a week. Or in our case our mothers moved in with us for several years - so that's every day.

You think there is no difference?
I'm surprised you think that's a real answer.

Even once a week isn't much company. If you're in a nursing home your community effectively becomes the nursing home.

- - - Updated - - -

From my observation, many people end up in a nursing home without adequate planning. So, they have tasks and errands that must be done by someone else outside of the nursing home.

I would think for people who have no children or whose children live far enough away, they should be carefully planning now for such a possibility. There are now businesses and lawyers who specialize in "elder car" who may be good resources in planning.

Where does that come from, a cross between AAA and AARP?

 

[Loren Pechtel]

It's such an individual thing. Some people want it that way. Even a large family doesn't mean one will take you in and care for you. My grandmother ultimately had to be put in a home because it became impossible to maintain a normal home with her there.

Yeah. If someone needs what amounts to assisted living then one can take them in. If they need an actual nursing home you can't run your own life very well while providing the needed care. It was hard enough with my grandfather--he only needed assisted living other than once in a while he would get out and try to go to the store. He still knew where the stores were, but not how to get there. Fortunately he still had enough left to not cross without the light (but he didn't have enough to remember to go to the light even thought it was in plain sight.) We were debating whether he would have to be put in a home but then he had one heart attack or stroke (I never found out which--he had already had multiple of both and the only question was when the next one would be) and it wasn't an issue anymore.

- - - Updated - - -

Even if you have children they can't realistically spend all that much time with you when you're in a nursing home. Thus I don't think there are plans to solve the situation.

That is sort of the point of a nursing home, isn't it?

She's talking about friends & running errands, not the nursing home itself.