Did your attitude towards life change as you aged?

[Jolly_Penguin]

When I was younger I was very very shy, and very anxious. A high strung introvert.

As I got old, this reversed. I stopped worrying about things... mostly because I just don't have the energy to anymore. I realized this recently while reading an old journal I wrote in my early 20s. The things I worried about were stuff I seriously wouldn't bat an eye at today. I was sooooo shy about dating too, worried about rejection etc, whereas now I just don't care at all and can flirt with both men and women without difficulty.

Have you changed in your attitude or personality as you aged? I wonder how common that is. I have read that people mostly stay the same throughout their lives but I am not convinced its true.

 

[rousseau]

I've felt like my life's been a continuous evolution in attitude. If I really thought about it I could likely distinguish a bunch of different periods where, fundamentally, I was the same person, but where the time period was distinct in some way in terms of attitude. The over-arching trend is increasing confidence, and like you I don't worry as much anymore. Or rather, I still worry but am better at handling it, and am living a healthier lifestyle which helps with that. This also comes with the recognition that few people have any idea what they're doing, so why worry too much about how I'm perceived.

These days I feel like I don't have any particular attitude or outlook, but am instead in a kind of Eastern, Wu-Wei thing. I just wake up, do my thing, go back to bed without much effort. If there is an attitude it might be boredom, but I find I'm letting go of that too. Rather than getting angsty about routine, just accept it and try to have a bit of fun.

 

[zorq]

I wouldn't call myself "old" just yet, but I'm not quite "young" either. ... But yes, my attitudes have changed a bit over time. When I was in university in my early 20's I was extremely shy, introverted, petrified of rejection, and generally unhappy. But when I hit 30, I got a new challenging job, a serious girlfriend and a whole lot of confidence from both of those. These days, I'm still an introvert, but I've stopped worrying too much about what other people think. Now, I'm happy.

Wisdom comes with age. ... Usually.

Confidence really is the key to a lot of success. That was something I knew back in university too, but I also knew that confidence without SOME foundation of competence was foolish. I didn't know that I was under-valuing myself, and I suffered for it.

 

[jab]

I thought old people were supposed to grow more fearless and speak their mind more. The opposite has happened to me somewhat, because I feel that I am more vulnerable. Aldo I feel a lack of respect/ prejudice against old people in our society.

 

[rousseau]

I thought old people were supposed to grow more fearless and speak their mind more. The opposite has happened to me somewhat, because I feel that I am more vulnerable. Aldo I feel a lack of respect/ prejudice against old people in our society.

That's an interesting thought. I speak my mind less too, partly due to vulnerability, but it's also equal parts 'maybe this is a waste of energy'. I tend to only initiate conversation if I'm going to learn something or have a productive exchange.

 

[Jolly_Penguin]

I am an old geezer now. I am more open to speaking my mind more and less concerned with social faux pas. But maybe inactually seem less cantankerous to people I talk to because I just don't have the energy to care anymore

 

[ideologyhunter]

1. Around age 20, I realized that macaroni & cheese from the little Kraft box was inedible, that the frozen varieties were only a little better, and that you had to make it from scratch, with sharp cheddar.
2. When I was in my 40s, I started publicly identifying as atheist, and found that I actually liked doing it, although, paradoxically, it made me less aggressive about my atheistic viewpoint. It's still there, but it doesn't have to be 'on.'
3. When I was in my 50s, what with prostate exams and colonoscopies, I got to be much blander about discussing personal health matters with medical personnel. (This also came with the realization of how lucky guys are, compared to the pelvic exams women have to learn to endure.)
4. When I was 56, I returned to regular exercise, shed about 40 pounds, and made workouts a part of my daily life. Enormous benefits on many fronts.
5. When, at age 65, I had run through my supply of living grandparents, parents, aunts and uncles, I realized so many things: mainly, all the things I wish I could ask them (not only details of their life experiences which I'd heard in my youth, but remembered only hazily, but personal reflections, and also trivial details about old family possessions, i.e., where the heck did that Hitchcock chair come from?)
6. I still haven't read Ivanhoe, Anna Karenina, Middlemarch, Our Mutual Friend, The Naked and the Dead, Ulysses……
7. I now realize that, given the time it takes to change one's approach to life, stuff I did wrong in past years probably had to happen when it did. Also that I'll know I'm getting Alzheimerish if I ever start eating Kraft mac & cheese again, with the packet of orange powder. Ugh.

 

[southernhybrid]

I was a fearless risk taker in my 20s and 30s, but now that I'm 70, I avoid anything that I consider risky. I used to be restless if I wasn't out running around, but now, I am perfectly content to stay home everyday. I used to enjoy traveling, but now I hate it. I used to be extremely outspoken, but now I am a bit more reticent to say exactly what's on my mind. I used to be an idealist, but now I'm a realist.

And, over my 38 year happy marriage, I've become way too dependent on my husband, and that is scary. I think, considering that I spent most of my nursing career, caring for older adults, that this is something that usually happens when two people have a very strong bond.

I am well aware that there is a lot of ageism in society, but since I usually hang out with people who are my age, so it doesn't directly impact me. Plus I live in a small southern city where older people are still treated respectfully.

 

[Toni]

I think I appreciate more. Everything from people to places to things to events that have happened in my life and to historical events. I've come to realize how important it is to forgive other people and to look with new eyes at people and situations you thought you knew and understood. And to recognize just how much I hope to be forgiven for a million things, some small and some quite large.

I also appreciate my limitations more. To recognize that it's definitely time to work on that bucket list--my time is running out.

I never used to be afraid of heights. At. All. The higher and the closer to the edge, the better. Now? On a family hike a few years ago, I saw my full grown, fully adult, 100% competent son standing near--at a very conservatively safe distance but still near--the edge of a very steep cliff and it was all I could do to keep from urging him to move away from the edge. He's not stupid, he's good a good head on his shoulders and if anything, he's far too cautious. AND I'd stood much closer to that same edge myself only a couple of years earlier. But I had to fight down my own panic at seeing him do a safer version of exactly what I've done without thinking twice about it. But old age has taught me to keep some things to myself and thankfully I fought my fear and kept my mouth shut. BUT I find that watching film versions of people taking risks from great heights no longer thrill or inspire me or wakens a sense of adventure in me, but makes me feel panicky a little bit. Anxious for certain.

Which is odd because in actual emergencies or 'emergencies,' I have a very cool head and move right into action without the least hesitation beyond needed to assess. I calmly assign tasks if necessary and do what is necessary. No fear. No panic. Not even when it's over.

I've discovered that the reason I love listening to music & people & places & books from my youth is that it evokes the same feelings as they did in my youth. But I can still enjoy new music, new foods, new places, new people. And that faded memories of things that happened many, many years ago are actually quite accurate, as measured against the memories of other people who were there or recordings of those events.

I'm much more demanding of the fiction I read--or else, there's just a lot more mediocre fiction out there filling up best sellers/recommended lists.

I think that I give a shit about what other people think less now than I did but old friends remind me that I always made up my own mind and never was much influenced by what others thought. And actually--they really liked that about me, believe it or not.


I have learned to appreciate the place and the people I could not wait to escape when I was a kid. And that good friends---the kind you really know-- do not change in any important way and that the love between you still remains, even if it has been decades since you were last in the same place at the same time. And that a lot of people I had ignored back then are and always were worth knowing. And that I am perhaps not nearly as good a person as I thought I was and or intended to be.

And maybe open hearts are as important as open minds.

 

[ideologyhunter]

Addendum to my screed above: I realize now that I truly have been lucky in this life. Unaccountably so. There's a perfect Joni Mitchell lyric for this thought.
Some get the gravy
And some get the gristle
Some get the marrow bone
And some get nothing
Though there's plenty to spare.

 

[Politesse]

I'll let you know if I'm ever tempted to age.

 

[southernhybrid]

I'll let you know if I'm ever tempted to age.

haha I will never forget what an older woman who I worked with, told me when I was 17 and working at my very first job. I was always wishing that my shift would be over, so one day she looked at me and said. "Stop wishing your life away! Before you know it, you'll be as old as I am". Of course at the time, I probably rolled my eyes or ignored her warning, but truer words were never said. Eventually I realized the wisdom of her words. We all get old long much more quickly than we expect.

I also like and remember what my mother once said to me when she was in her late 60s. "When I look in the mirror, I wonder who that little old lady is who is staring back at me".Sometimes people tell me that I look much younger than my years, but my mirror never lies to me.

Denial won't help Poli. You'll be old before you know it. But, it's been the best time of my life so far. I just hope I die before I become dependent on others. Don't we all?

 

[Politesse]

I'll let you know if I'm ever tempted to age.

haha I will never forget what an older woman who I worked with, told me when I was 17 and working at my very first job. I was always wishing that my shift would be over, so one day she looked at me and said. "Stop wishing your life away! Before you know it, you'll be as old as I am". Of course at the time, I probably rolled my eyes or ignored her warning, but truer words were never said. Eventually I realized the wisdom of her words. We all get old long much more quickly than we expect.

I also like and remember what my mother once said to me when she was in her late 60s. "When I look in the mirror, I wonder who that little old lady is who is staring back at me".Sometimes people tell me that I look much younger than my years, but my mirror never lies to me.

Denial won't help Poli. You'll be old before you know it. But, it's been the best time of my life so far. I just hope I die before I become dependent on others. Don't we all?

Oh, I was born old. I like shooting the breeze on porches and going to bed at ten as well as the next man. But there's no need to hurry things along.

 

[southernhybrid]

I get what you're saying Poli. Unfortunately, things seem to rush along much faster than we'd like. It's weird that old age is often the best period of time in our lives, assuming we are fairly healthy and can afford the basics. What I like most about being old, is that I'm not restless anymore, and I have a wonderful sense of freedom that I never had during my working years. I don't speak for all older adults. My ex sister in law isn't happy unless she's traveling the globe. I can't afford to do that, but it wouldn't appeal to me if I could. I'm into staycations, where you stay home and do whatever the you feel like doing.

 

[rousseau]

I'll let you know if I'm ever tempted to age.

haha I will never forget what an older woman who I worked with, told me when I was 17 and working at my very first job. I was always wishing that my shift would be over, so one day she looked at me and said. "Stop wishing your life away! Before you know it, you'll be as old as I am". Of course at the time, I probably rolled my eyes or ignored her warning, but truer words were never said. Eventually I realized the wisdom of her words. We all get old long much more quickly than we expect.

I tell myself this all the time - enjoy my youth while I can. In some respect I do, it's hard not to appreciate being a young, in-shape, fairly successful professional. And yet most of the time I feel like I'm living in a money obsessed culture with no indication of what the good life really is. All everyone I know, including myself, does is work, talk about work, think about work, and when they're not working they're home resting up for the next time they have to work.

Sometimes it also feels like people here have kind of rationalized friendship and connections too. Once a person serves no purpose they're just kind of cast off. And do absolutely anything out of the ordinary and you're met with suspicion and confusion.

So given the above I would love to enjoy my youth, and certainly there are good aspects, but I can't honestly say that I find my life that enjoyable at this point - wrong time and place.

 

[Tharmas]

I find that the older I get, the more precious life seems to me. I don’t just mean my own, but everybody’s/everything’s. I feel bad when I accidentally run over a squirrel. I try to avoid crushing insects. I feel bad about killing the rat that got into our kitchen. In some ways I even felt bad for the perpetrators of 9/11 and other mass killers – what a stupid, horrible idea to give your life for!

 

[southernhybrid]

I find that the older I get, the more precious life seems to me. I don’t just mean my own, but everybody’s/everything’s. I feel bad when I accidentally run over a squirrel. I try to avoid crushing insects. I feel bad about killing the rat that got into our kitchen. In some ways I even felt bad for the perpetrators of 9/11 and other mass killers – what a stupid, horrible idea to give your life for!

I tend to be like that too, but while I feel a little bit bad crushing insects in the house, it doesn't stop me from doing it. I will do whatever I can safely do to avoid killing squirrels, despite the fact that one of the little rodents once bit threw our neutral power line and it wipes out several appliances.

 

[T.G.G. Moogly]

Certainly my best years are behind me in terms of health and the ability to simply pick up new things of interest. The biggest thing that has changed is experiencing the physical decline of aging. For example my right hip is probably the same one my mother had to have replaced. That's a bummer, it means another hiccup, a timeout in the game, something has to be fixed. But for now it is good enough, certainly manageable.

Outside of experiencing those newfound physical limitations I don't detect anything different. I can still do the things I used to do, it only takes longer, and I know that there will come a time when I'll have to decide if living is still worth it given the drop in quality. These are not the things a person thinks about when the're young and vigorous because they simply cannot identify with an arthritic condition that affects everything you do. They don't have the experience.

But then I remember conversations with older persons who recalled that in their youth a person who was fifty was an old man or woman, needed a cane, maybe losing their vision, so I know I have it pretty good compared to a few generations ago, and I'm thankful. I think that it's just that once the end is in sight we tend to become more thoughtful about the quality time we have remaining and don't want to squander it anymore.

Take a walk in a cemetery and see how long people lived. When you see lots of people passing on in their sixties, and you're approaching 70 it gets real. But then you also see gravestones marked "infant son" and that puts things into better perspective. Maybe age really is just a number after all.

 

[southernhybrid]

When, I was still working in my late 60s, many of my former patients were in their 90s. They used to tell me I was still just a. young thing. When I was 8 years old, I waned to die by age 40 because anything after that was simply too old. It's funny how our perspective on what is old changes as we get older. But hey! 70 is the new 50. . I've had arthritic issues since my late 30s but I've never had as much pain as I do now. Still, I remain able to do aerobics, and work through the pain because I realize how important regular physical exercise is for all of us, especially for older adults.

 

[Toni]

I know I'm in denial about my fitness level/health but honestly, I have very little pain--except for one ankle that has been sprained a couple of times for certain and twice catching my toe on a stair and continued to go down the stairs--so I bent my foot the wrong direction--hard--twice. That ankle hurts sometimes. Recently, I've started taking glucosamine which seems to be helping or perhaps it's just a placebo effect or even coincidence. Ankle was less troublesome once I quit making my long commute.

I am uncertain if I have little pain for someone my age or if I have a higher than average pain threshold. My mother never seemed to believe that I was capable of feeling pain so I learned to ignore a lot. OTOH, I have learned to be on top of impending migraines.

My biggest health issue is that I really, really, really need to lose weight. Much harder now.