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"Fuck That Alligator": Man Killed Seconds After Mocking Gator Warning

Potoooooooo

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http://gawker.com/fuck-that-alligator-man-killed-seconds-after-mocking-1715887134


Authorities say a 28-year-old Texas man was attacked and killed by an alligator “almost immediately” after being warned by a bystander not to swim in the water, replying “fuck that alligator” before jumping in, Buzzfeed reports.

“I asked him please do not go swimming, there’s a bigger alligator out here, just please stay out of the water,” an employee of Burkhart’s Marina in Orange, Texas told KFDM. “The next thing I know, I don’t even know how long it was, I saw his body floating face down and then he’s up there for a couple seconds and then he gets dragged back down and pulled off.”
 

Jimmy Higgins

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Man in Calais, Maine died yesterday after lighting a firework on his head. Don't let the article title fool you. It was no accident. Accidents are when you do something you didn't intend to do. Much like the idiot above and the alligator.
 

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http://gawker.com/fuck-that-alligator-man-killed-seconds-after-mocking-1715887134


Authorities say a 28-year-old Texas man was attacked and killed by an alligator “almost immediately” after being warned by a bystander not to swim in the water, replying “fuck that alligator” before jumping in, Buzzfeed reports.

“I asked him please do not go swimming, there’s a bigger alligator out here, just please stay out of the water,” an employee of Burkhart’s Marina in Orange, Texas told KFDM. “The next thing I know, I don’t even know how long it was, I saw his body floating face down and then he’s up there for a couple seconds and then he gets dragged back down and pulled off.”

It sounds like he should have placed rather more trust in the alligations that were being made.
 

Keith&Co.

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He should have known better. Everyone in Florida knew if you were going to 'fuck that alligator' you needed to do it under the cloaca darkness.
 

Eric H

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Okay, NOW will you Christers quit saying evolution is a myth?

Evolution rules, but by the age of 28, our unfortunate victim possibly had many children, his alligator friendly genes may well have been passed on.
 

Jimmy Higgins

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The article says another person jumped in with him, I presume he survived?
 

Tom Sawyer

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The article says another person jumped in with him, I presume he survived?

Well, it's like they say. You don't need to be able swim faster than the alligator. You just need to be able to swim faster than the guy beside you.
 

Loren Pechtel

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Man in Calais, Maine died yesterday after lighting a firework on his head. Don't let the article title fool you. It was no accident. Accidents are when you do something you didn't intend to do. Much like the idiot above and the alligator.

I have seen reports that he thought it was a dud and was just being silly. He forgot the rules of dealing with "dud" explosives.
 

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I can see the alligator hearing him and thinking "Oh, 'fuck the alligators', huh? Okay, pal, fuck you too."
 

Bronzeage

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Lots of victim blaming going on here. You folks should know better.

The blame really lies with the Budweiser.

One of Louisiana's strange claims to fame is we have very few alligator attacks, even though we have a lot of alligators. One of the reasons for this, which may or may not be a factor, is we have more big alligators. An alligator's brain process consists of two fundamental observations. First is, "Can it eat men?" and second, "Can I eat it?" This keeps an alligator out of danger and well fed.

Like all reptiles, alligator continue to grow their entire life. There is no such thing as a full grown alligator, but somewhere around 2 meters in total length, they start to loose their natural timidity as the number of things that can eat them dwindles. By 3 meters, the alligator has lost all natural fear of any living creature.

It is Louisiana lore that the big alligators are seldom seen. They lie just under the water, waiting for prey to approach the shore. Maybe Louisiana has more alligator attacks and fewer witnesses.

The closest I have ever been to a big alligator is less than 2 meters, which was about half his length. They move with the speed of a striking snake, which is something awesome to see up close.

Florida seems to lead in alligator attacks. This is attributed to the number of northern retirees who see them as curiosities and don't show proper respect. It is also because so many people like to feed them from the canal banks. This makes the tiny alligator brain associate the tall thing by the water's edge, with food, which never ends well.
 

Potoooooooo

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sort of like the running of the bulls

2A4B062900000578-3151849-Participants_gather_as_Jandilla_bulls_run_past_during_the_fist_e-a-36_1436256595059.jpg

2A4B120200000578-3151849-Virtually_all_the_revellers_wear_red_and_white_during_the_festiv-a-37_1436256595097.jpg

2A4AFF7D00000578-3151849-Participants_run_in_front_of_Jandilla_bulls_during_the_fist_enci-a-23_1436256594606.jpg

2A4B06D100000578-3151849-Tuesday_s_run_was_the_first_of_the_eight_morning_runs_that_form_-a-28_1436256594722.jpg

2A4B04DE00000578-3151849-Ow_A_Jandilla_bull_charges_at_a_participant_during_the_first_bul-a-25_1436256594617.jpg

2A4B037C00000578-3151849-Gored_The_daredevil_is_sent_somersaulting_through_the_air_by_the-a-24_1436256594608.jpg

2A4B009900000578-3151849-Seven_people_were_rushed_to_hospital_at_the_start_of_the_annual_-a-30_1436256594797.jpg

2A4BC11700000578-3151849-image-m-10_1436266450494.jpg

2A4BFA6100000578-3151849-image-a-13_1436266587999.jpg
 

DBT

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You'd think they would round off the ends of the horns to prevent deep penetration. It would still cause massive bruising, but that's preferable to disembowelment.
 

Potoooooooo

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Texas Gator Kills Man in Orange, Ending a 179-Year Streak
by John Nova Lomax

Mon July 6, 2015 11:53 am


http://www.texasmonthly.com/daily-p...n-orange-ending-179-year-streak#disqus_thread



gator.png

As several readers have pointed out, we jinxed it.
On July 2 at 12:51 p.m. we posted an article about how Texas hasn’t suffered a fatal alligator attack since the last days of Mexican dominion in the wet, eventful April of 1836.
But fourteen hours later, tragically, horrifically, the 179-year streak came to an end:
Police in Orange say they responded to a report of an alligator attack at about 2:30 a.m. Friday at Burkart’s Marina on Adams Bayou, off Mississippi Street in Orange.
Police say witnesses at the scene told them a 28-year-old man was attacked by a large alligator. The Orange County Sheriff’s Office responded to the scene with a boat along with a Game Warden from Texas Parks and Wildlife. The man’s body was located at about 4:30 a.m. not far from the area where he was attacked.
woodward2_0.png

More details emerged over the weekend. The last words of the victim, Tommie Woodward, a shipyard worker transplanted from Pacific, Missouri, are for the ages, a situation-specific variation of the punchline “Hold my beer and watch this”:
Employees at the marina had erected the sign in recent days after spotting a “pretty damn big” 11-foot alligator in the area, Orange County Police Captain Robert Enmon told BuzzFeed News.
A woman with Woodward warned him not to enter the water because of the risk, prompting him to reply “F*** that alligator,” Enmon said.
Just before he jumped in, the woman spotted the gator, Enmon said. Woodward was attacked almost immediately.
Police have not yet determined if alcohol played a factor.
On his Facebook memorial page, Woodward was described as an “Avid Beer Connoisseur” who “Loved fishing, swimming, camping, grilling and being outdoors period! Hard Working and helped people even if he had to give them the shirt off his back!!!”
woodwardgator1.png

Texas authorities have announced they will not hunt the gator, though it has been reported that a private hunt could be organized. (UPDATE, 8:29 PM July 6: A man who would only identify himself as “Bear” trapped the alligator suspected of involvement in this incident, and then blasted it with a shotgun. “He had to go,” Bear told the Houston Chronicle. “That’s what happens when you kill someone.” Even if someone comes in your house, cusses you out and jumps on your head, apparently…)
My original story was prompted by a near-fatal attack on a father and son in Chambers County. I closed it fretting that a fatal attack seemed inevitable. More Texans, many of them new to the state and lacking respect for the dangers these lizards present, are encroaching on an ever-increasing population of alligators. Right now is an especially dangerous time. The gators are nesting, feeling protective and territorial, and the rains have swept them into new habitats, where they are confused and agitated.
I offered up a few gator safety tips: don’t feed them, back away if they hiss, don’t pick up their babies. I also quoted Houston Chronicle outdoors sage Shannon Tompkins at length, who roughly ten years ago also predicted that it was only a matter of time before the streak ended, and cautioned that you should regard any and all alligators with the same caution and respect you would give to the power of a running chainsaw.
(Photographs from AP [Alligator]; Facebook)
 

ZiprHead

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Looks like I got another phrase to add to my list of idiotic last words, "Fuck That Alligator". As a new listing, it has a long way to go to catch up with the leader, "Hey, watch this", as most frequently used.

I thought it was, "Here, hold my beer. Watch this."
 

Loren Pechtel

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Justifiable self defense. He said "fuck that alligator", the alligator didn't want to be raped.
 

Jimmy Higgins

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If the car fumes only killed the adult, yes I suppose, but it killed the children aged 2 to 5 as well. A really stupid statement to have made.

Especially in light that it was a silly mistake, not an unbelievably stupid error like jumping in a lake to face an alligator.
 

credoconsolans

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Texas Gator Kills Man in Orange, Ending a 179-Year Streak
by John Nova Lomax

Mon July 6, 2015 11:53 am


http://www.texasmonthly.com/daily-p...n-orange-ending-179-year-streak#disqus_thread



gator.png

As several readers have pointed out, we jinxed it.
On July 2 at 12:51 p.m. we posted an article about how Texas hasn’t suffered a fatal alligator attack since the last days of Mexican dominion in the wet, eventful April of 1836.
But fourteen hours later, tragically, horrifically, the 179-year streak came to an end:
Police in Orange say they responded to a report of an alligator attack at about 2:30 a.m. Friday at Burkart’s Marina on Adams Bayou, off Mississippi Street in Orange.
Police say witnesses at the scene told them a 28-year-old man was attacked by a large alligator. The Orange County Sheriff’s Office responded to the scene with a boat along with a Game Warden from Texas Parks and Wildlife. The man’s body was located at about 4:30 a.m. not far from the area where he was attacked.
woodward2_0.png

More details emerged over the weekend. The last words of the victim, Tommie Woodward, a shipyard worker transplanted from Pacific, Missouri, are for the ages, a situation-specific variation of the punchline “Hold my beer and watch this”:
Employees at the marina had erected the sign in recent days after spotting a “pretty damn big” 11-foot alligator in the area, Orange County Police Captain Robert Enmon told BuzzFeed News.
A woman with Woodward warned him not to enter the water because of the risk, prompting him to reply “F*** that alligator,” Enmon said.
Just before he jumped in, the woman spotted the gator, Enmon said. Woodward was attacked almost immediately.
Police have not yet determined if alcohol played a factor.
On his Facebook memorial page, Woodward was described as an “Avid Beer Connoisseur”

aka "drunk", "boozehound".

Stupid fuck got himself killed..

"Hey don't jump in the cage with that grizzly bear".

"Fuck that grizzly be-ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!"
 

Jimmy Higgins

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I like the article. "Police have not yet determined if alcohol player a factor."

I'm pretty certain that the cause of death was "a big fucking lizard" and not alcohol.

Or is that the Police polite way of saying "We currently don't know if he was just that fucking dumb of an idiot or if he was a fucking idiot because of alcohol."
 

Keith&Co.

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Or is that the Police polite way of saying "We currently don't know if he was just that fucking dumb of an idiot or if he was a fucking idiot because of alcohol."
Yes. it allows the family to convince themselves that if he'd been sober, he'd have had the judgment not to leap in harm's way.
 

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I like the article. "Police have not yet determined if alcohol player a factor."

I'm pretty certain that the cause of death was "a big fucking lizard" and not alcohol.

Or is that the Police polite way of saying "We currently don't know if he was just that fucking dumb of an idiot or if he was a fucking idiot because of alcohol."

Idiots appear to be idiots regardless of the presence or absence of alcohol.
 

DBT

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Idiots appear to be idiots regardless of the presence or absence of alcohol.
Yeah, but WITH alcohol, you don't even have to be an idiot to go out and idiot all over the place.


So...given a few too many glasses of communion Vino under the belt, the Pope himself is likely to lift his skirts and Moon the Christmas public assembly in St Peters Square?
 

Keith&Co.

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So...given a few too many glasses of communion Vino under the belt, the Pope himself is likely to lift his skirts and Moon the Christmas public assembly in St Peters Square?
Probably more than a few.

I've made a study of inebriated sailors. from my observations as duty driver and shore patrol and being the only guy dumb enough to pick up the barracks phone on St. Patrick's Day, everyone can drink enough to qualify as an idiot.
The only possible exception is to be such a lightweight that you pass out before you try to dance the Naked Macarena. But if you're a lightweight, partying around professionals IS idiotic and you shouldn't have the audacity to look surprised at the photos of what they did to you after you passed out. The makeup, the posing, the mustache in permanent marker, the prostitutes....
 

C_Mucius_Scaevola

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Looks like I got another phrase to add to my list of idiotic last words, "Fuck That Alligator". As a new listing, it has a long way to go to catch up with the leader, "Hey, watch this", as most frequently used.

Last words may come and go, but they'll never get any better than "they couldn't hit an elephant at this dist- ..."
 

skepticalbip

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So are you making the alligation that it was breaking the rules?

No, just that now dead guy did not break any rules
My question would be whether the sign, "No swimming alligators", was supposed to be a statement of fact or a prohibition on alligators swimming. If the first then they need to fire the whoever determined that there weren't any. If the second then they need to fine that alligator.

I'm just surprised at the un-PC sign in my neighborhood that says, "Slow children playing". And then there is that little sign on the door to my local post office that says, "Only seeing-eye dogs allowed inside". How the hell am I supposed to buy stamps since I don't have a dog to send in to get them?
 

Loren Pechtel

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No, just that now dead guy did not break any rules
My question would be whether the sign, "No swimming alligators", was supposed to be a statement of fact or a prohibition on alligators swimming. If the first then they need to fire the whoever determined that there weren't any. If the second then they need to fine that alligator.

I'm just surprised at the un-PC sign in my neighborhood that says, "Slow children playing". And then there is that little sign on the door to my local post office that says, "Only seeing-eye dogs allowed inside". How the hell am I supposed to buy stamps since I don't have a dog to send in to get them?

And what if my dog comes from Guide Dogs for the Blind?

(Seeing-eye is the Kleenex of blind-guide dogs.)
 

Bronzeage

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No, just that now dead guy did not break any rules
My question would be whether the sign, "No swimming alligators", was supposed to be a statement of fact or a prohibition on alligators swimming. If the first then they need to fire the whoever determined that there weren't any. If the second then they need to fine that alligator.

I'm just surprised at the un-PC sign in my neighborhood that says, "Slow children playing". And then there is that little sign on the door to my local post office that says, "Only seeing-eye dogs allowed inside". How the hell am I supposed to buy stamps since I don't have a dog to send in to get them?

One of the stranger things I have ever seen was a sign in the McDonald's drive through window which read, "Picture and Braille Menus Available."
 

GenesisNemesis

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Y'all keep saying he's stupid and everything, but something tells me he didn't care about being eaten by an alligator. If someone wants to be eaten by an alligator, I say have at it.
 

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I read a comment that summarized this nicely: the only thing surprising here is that this guy lived to be 28 in the first place.
 

Loren Pechtel

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My question would be whether the sign, "No swimming alligators", was supposed to be a statement of fact or a prohibition on alligators swimming. If the first then they need to fire the whoever determined that there weren't any. If the second then they need to fine that alligator.

I'm just surprised at the un-PC sign in my neighborhood that says, "Slow children playing". And then there is that little sign on the door to my local post office that says, "Only seeing-eye dogs allowed inside". How the hell am I supposed to buy stamps since I don't have a dog to send in to get them?

One of the stranger things I have ever seen was a sign in the McDonald's drive through window which read, "Picture and Braille Menus Available."

And a sighted driver can't have a blind passenger?
 

Keith&Co.

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Well ,the blind passenger would need the sighted driver to read the menu to him...at least the part that says 'Braille menus available....'

Stranger, the illiterate driver won't know that picture menus are available

But I like imagining the look on the Drive-Thru woman's face when the speaker asks for a Braille menu....
 
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