Funniest conservative conspiracy theory?

[Underseer]

What was the funniest conservative conspiracy theory?

My apologies if I left any major ones off the list

 

[TV and credit cards]

Gotta go with the classic "Th' gubment's a' gonna confiscate yer guns!". The dude working at Grizzly Gas gave me the heads-up on the pending martial law. That must have been about two years ago. "Obama's a comin'!" He was dead serious. The wide-eyed look on his face said it all. This time it's for real.

Screw the price difference. I started paying at the pump.

Mariposa was a trip. I remember hitting a dead-end while exploring the back country and having to turn around in a drive with a sign out front: "We don't call 911".

 

[Deepak]

Maybe I'm missing something, but in what sense is Waco like any of the others?

 

[Axulus]

I had to vote "other" - for the one about Obama supposedly trying to nuke Charleston, SC

http://www.snopes.com/politics/conspiracy/charleston.asp

 

[Keith&Co.]

Maybe I'm missing something, but in what sense is Waco like any of the others?

The government, which is already trying to stamp out Christainity and god-fearing morality in this country, gets to decide your church is a cult and come take your guns?

 

[Ford]

Having worked in it for just shy of 30 years, I have to go with the vast international liberal media conspiracy.

Cracks me up every time I hear someone complain about "the liberal media," because I cannot imagine there's a more ruthless bunch of capitalists out there.

 

[Deepak]

Maybe I'm missing something, but in what sense is Waco like any of the others?

The government, which is already trying to stamp out Christainity and god-fearing morality in this country, gets to decide your church is a cult and come take your guns?

I guess I can see that - though I will admit I'm not that up-and-up on the conspiracy circles.

No doubt they were a cult, but thinking back to contemporary reports the way the raid went down was a bit questionable. There were also policy changes, or policies created, in both the FBI and ATF for handling these sorts of situations. To wit: http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/waco/stonerpt.html

Certainly not in the same realm as HAARP or attempts at corrupting the purity and essense of our natural fluids - at least at first glance.

 

[Bacillus anthracis]

I chose "Other" simply because there are too many awesome choices. There is no clear winner. I am crippled by the vast variety of horse-shit.

Obama as Secret Muslim is up there though. It's so good. It was kind of the father of all the other shockingly paranoid shit they've come up with since he's been elected.

For example, without Secret Muslim Overlord/Incompetent Wimp, Jade Helm couldn't have flowered into its glory. And what will all those righteous Americans say when Jade Helm has come and gone and they haven't ended up saving freedom because they fought off the Antichrist with their guns that Jesus specifically enumerated as a Constitutional right in Genesis? Fucking please, boy. If it wasn't for those alert and stalwart motherfuckers, Obama's invasion of America would have actually happened. So thank them now.

But dammit, the FEMA concentration camps were awesome too. It was going to be any day when they started rounding us up and taking us away. Their resources were so vast, that the inevitable rape of our freedom was undeniable. And when Katrina hit and FEMA swung into action like a drunken three legged, swaybacked mule more fit for being ground into cat food and Jello than breathing? That didn't prove nothin' because--well, it just didn't. The dream lives on.

And now I'm feeling guilty for leaving out the Death Panels. I just can't decide.

It's like making a choice between Megan Fox, Scarlett Johansen, and a gaggle of other super hot women. No matter what you choose you'll always regret not having made another choice.

 

[Bomb#20]

Hey, all the other stuff on the list could happen, theoretically, but come on, America falling to the United Nations?!? To believe that you'd have to believe in imperial storm troopers being overrun by ewoks...