Grindr says no to "No fatties, no femmes, no Asians": when gay sex apps go woke.

[Politesse]

Their platform, their rules.

Yeah, I kind of want to know, what do the people critical of GRINDr over this decision to ban behavior think of, say, a conservative forum that bans anyone who posts anything that acknowledges climate change.

Or an executive branch?

 

[Arctish]

Isn't the whole point of these sites to find potential matches for sex? For dating sites in general whether straight or gay people should be able to post what they consider a "hard no". That way people who fall into that "hard no" category know not to waste each other's time. I think it's a dumb idea, regardless of the sexual orientation of the people on said site to prohibit people to post their "hard noes". PC doesn't change preferences nor does it restore lost time.

Maybe they just don't want to cater to people who use things like "fatties", "femmes" and "asians" as a "hard no".

Maybe they can make a new platform together, "SHITr"

That also means fewer customers, whether it's funded by ads or it's members. You'd think that dating sites are in the game to make money; like any other business.

I think it's the other way around.

I think there are more 'fatties', 'femmes', and 'Asians' using Grindr than there are soma, gender identity, and race bigots who want the site to filter out the responses they'd rather not recieve.

I think Grindr would rather not offend a large portion of their customers by posting offensive preemptory rejection notices, and would rather they didn't seek out a more friendly, non-judgmental site elsewhere.

And I think Grindr wouldn't miss the complainers nearly as much as it would miss the subjects of their disdain.

 

[Terrell]

That also means fewer customers, whether it's funded by ads or it's members. You'd think that dating sites are in the game to make money; like any other business.

I think it's the other way around.

I think there are more 'fatties', 'femmes', and 'Asians' using Grindr than there are soma, gender identity, and race bigots who want the site to filter out the responses they'd rather not recieve.

I think Grindr would rather not offend a large portion of their customers by posting offensive preemptory rejection notices, and would rather they didn't seek out a more friendly, non-judgmental site elsewhere.

And I think Grindr wouldn't miss the complainers nearly as much as it would miss the subjects of their disdain.

We'll see.

Funny that you didn't answer the question about the "acceptable to PC" way of saying they don't want particular men.

If non-Asians don't want to get with Asians, how is that bigoted? We're talking about who another person is going to, or not, have sex with. How is being upfront about whether or not you are interested wrong?

Fat, well some people simply find that unattractive. Likely most. Should they be expected to date such people?

For some effeminate men are a turn off. Why not say upfront that they're not interested.

Did no stop meaning no when it's guys who are saying no; are only some people allowed to state their standards?

Would it be acceptable for a woman to say that she doesn't want fat, Asian, effeminate, etc. men? If so why shouldn't men have the same right to have standards, and state their deal breakers, openly?

 

[Arctish]

That also means fewer customers, whether it's funded by ads or it's members. You'd think that dating sites are in the game to make money; like any other business.

I think it's the other way around.

I think there are more 'fatties', 'femmes', and 'Asians' using Grindr than there are soma, gender identity, and race bigots who want the site to filter out the responses they'd rather not recieve.

I think Grindr would rather not offend a large portion of their customers by posting offensive preemptory rejection notices, and would rather they didn't seek out a more friendly, non-judgmental site elsewhere.

And I think Grindr wouldn't miss the complainers nearly as much as it would miss the subjects of their disdain.

We'll see.

Funny that you didn't answer the question about the "acceptable to PC" way of saying they don't want particular men.

If non-Asians don't want to get with Asians, how is that bigoted? We're talking about who another person is going to, or not, have sex with. How is being upfront about whether or not you are interested wrong?

Fat, well some people simply find that unattractive. Likely most. Should they be expected to date such people?

For some effeminate men are a turn off. Why not say upfront that they're not interested.

Did no stop meaning no when it's guys who are saying no; are only some people allowed to state their standards?

Would it be acceptable for a woman to say that she doesn't want fat, Asian, effeminate, etc. men? If so why shouldn't men have the same right to have standards, and state their deal breakers, openly?

It's fine for someone to say that to another someone, even when they're being blunt to the point of rudeness. Everyone has their preferences. But it's a different story for a dating app to offend its customers by telling them upfront that they're deficient in the desirability department.

Reading 'enthusiastic yes if you're fit and trim!' is a helluva lot more likely to persuade the average Joe to keep looking for a match than 'hard no if you're a fattie', and Grindr wants all those average Joes to keep looking.

 

[Terrell]

We'll see.

Funny that you didn't answer the question about the "acceptable to PC" way of saying they don't want particular men.

If non-Asians don't want to get with Asians, how is that bigoted? We're talking about who another person is going to, or not, have sex with. How is being upfront about whether or not you are interested wrong?

Fat, well some people simply find that unattractive. Likely most. Should they be expected to date such people?

For some effeminate men are a turn off. Why not say upfront that they're not interested.

Did no stop meaning no when it's guys who are saying no; are only some people allowed to state their standards?

Would it be acceptable for a woman to say that she doesn't want fat, Asian, effeminate, etc. men? If so why shouldn't men have the same right to have standards, and state their deal breakers, openly?

It's fine for someone to say that to another someone, even when they're being blunt to the point of rudeness. Everyone has their preferences. But it's a different story for a dating app to offend its customers by telling them upfront that they're deficient in the desirability department.

Reading 'enthusiastic yes if you're fit and trim!' is a helluva lot more likely to persuade the average Joe to keep looking for a match than 'hard no if you're a fattie', and Grindr wants all those average Joes to keep looking.

How is a different story being an app? In both cases it's a subset of guys saying "I'm not going with this particular type of guy". How does Grindr benefit by reducing it's total customer pool. Are you sure this is going to earn them more money than they'd otherwise get, rather than simply catering to the PC crowd?

Should women in dating apps not be allowed to say up front & bluntly "I don't want X type of man"? I haven't seen a straight answer on this yet.

 

[Arctish]

We'll see.

Funny that you didn't answer the question about the "acceptable to PC" way of saying they don't want particular men.

If non-Asians don't want to get with Asians, how is that bigoted? We're talking about who another person is going to, or not, have sex with. How is being upfront about whether or not you are interested wrong?

Fat, well some people simply find that unattractive. Likely most. Should they be expected to date such people?

For some effeminate men are a turn off. Why not say upfront that they're not interested.

Did no stop meaning no when it's guys who are saying no; are only some people allowed to state their standards?

Would it be acceptable for a woman to say that she doesn't want fat, Asian, effeminate, etc. men? If so why shouldn't men have the same right to have standards, and state their deal breakers, openly?

It's fine for someone to say that to another someone, even when they're being blunt to the point of rudeness. Everyone has their preferences. But it's a different story for a dating app to offend its customers by telling them upfront that they're deficient in the desirability department.

Reading 'enthusiastic yes if you're fit and trim!' is a helluva lot more likely to persuade the average Joe to keep looking for a match than 'hard no if you're a fattie', and Grindr wants all those average Joes to keep looking.

How is a different story being an app? In both cases it's a subset of guys saying "I'm not going with this particular type of guy".

In one case it's a single person telling you he isn't interested in you; in the other, it's a business that presumably wants you to keep coming back allowing that guy to insult you before you even say 'hi', making it less likely that you'll come back.

How does Grindr benefit by reducing it's total customer pool. Are you sure this is going to earn them more money than they'd otherwise get, rather than simply catering to the PC crowd?

I bet there are more 'fatties', 'femmes', and 'Asians' who would leave Grindr for greener pastures if they were regularly insulted with obnoxious preemptive rejection notices than there are users who bitch about getting responses from 'fatties', 'femmes', and 'Asians'. I think Grindr would be foolish to cater to a clientele that makes their site a hostile hookup environment for anyone who isn't a pretty white boy.

Should women in dating apps not be allowed to say up front & bluntly "I don't want X type of man"? I haven't seen a straight answer on this yet.

It's the same for women as for men.

If the site wants to cater to bitchy bitches and people who like that sort of behavior, then it will allow them to post whatever bitchy offensive crap they like. If it wants to appeal to the average person, it will limit the offensiveness so as not to drive off customers.

 

[Terrell]

How is a different story being an app? In both cases it's a subset of guys saying "I'm not going with this particular type of guy".

In one case it's a single person telling you he isn't interested in you; in the other, it's a business that presumably wants you to keep coming back allowing that guy to insult you before you even say 'hi', making it less likely that you'll come back.

How does Grindr benefit by reducing it's total customer pool. Are you sure this is going to earn them more money than they'd otherwise get, rather than simply catering to the PC crowd?

I bet there are more 'fatties', 'femmes', and 'Asians' who would leave Grindr for greener pastures if they were regularly insulted with obnoxious preemptive rejection notices than there are users who bitch about getting responses from 'fatties', 'femmes', and 'Asians'. I think Grindr would be foolish to cater to a clientele that makes their site a hostile hookup environment for anyone who isn't a pretty white boy.

Should women in dating apps not be allowed to say up front & bluntly "I don't want X type of man"? I haven't seen a straight answer on this yet.

It's the same for women as for men.

If the site wants to cater to bitchy bitches and people who like that sort of behavior, then it will allow them to post whatever bitchy offensive crap they like. If it wants to appeal to the average person, it will limit the offensiveness so as not to drive off customers.

So a virtual nightclub should be different than a brick & mortar night club? Pretty much every straight guy that's ever been to a club, has had some form of "no" given to him by a gal he was about to approach before he could say hi. Both are businesses, both serve the same purpose. Does the club call the bouncer? Odds are, no, why does it make sense for a dating site to do different? Hurt feelings is part of dating.

Do we know that? Also why should no up front be any different than no by swiping in whichever direction means no, or no by non-answer. The end result is the same. The guy who doesn't measure up, gets lots of no. Perhaps people who want to date should realize they're going to get rejection, and if a guy, plenty of it. Some of it will be brutal (not physical).

Perhaps Grindr should just worry about gay men dating. Anyone who can't take an upfront "no" probably shouldn't be dating. No man bats 1.000, not even PUAs.

 

[Arctish]

In one case it's a single person telling you he isn't interested in you; in the other, it's a business that presumably wants you to keep coming back allowing that guy to insult you before you even say 'hi', making it less likely that you'll come back.



I bet there are more 'fatties', 'femmes', and 'Asians' who would leave Grindr for greener pastures if they were regularly insulted with obnoxious preemptive rejection notices than there are users who bitch about getting responses from 'fatties', 'femmes', and 'Asians'. I think Grindr would be foolish to cater to a clientele that makes their site a hostile hookup environment for anyone who isn't a pretty white boy.

Should women in dating apps not be allowed to say up front & bluntly "I don't want X type of man"? I haven't seen a straight answer on this yet.

It's the same for women as for men.

If the site wants to cater to bitchy bitches and people who like that sort of behavior, then it will allow them to post whatever bitchy offensive crap they like. If it wants to appeal to the average person, it will limit the offensiveness so as not to drive off customers.

So a virtual nightclub should be different than a brick & mortar night club?

Yes.

A brick & mortar night club patron in a city might have a lot of options but would have a difficult time visiting more than 3-4 in a single night. Someone in a small town might not have any options except for one or two local places. Those clients tend to stay put because of the difficulty in going elsewhere.

A virtual night club patron can visit dozens of sites and fast click through the listings in an hour. If a site looks like it's full of patrons hostile to his or her body type or gender presentation, he or she can easily move on and never come back.

Businesses like Grindr want people to keep coming back. That's how they make their money. They don't want some clients running off other clients, because the clients they lose can easily find other places to go.

Pretty much every straight guy that's ever been to a club, has had some form of "no" given to him by a gal he was about to approach before he could say hi. Both are businesses, both serve the same purpose. Does the club call the bouncer? Odds are, no, why does it make sense for a dating site to do different? Hurt feelings is part of dating.

Do we know that? Also why should no up front be any different than no by swiping in whichever direction means no, or no by non-answer. The end result is the same. The guy who doesn't measure up, gets lots of no. Perhaps people who want to date should realize they're going to get rejection, and if a guy, plenty of it. Some of it will be brutal (not physical).

Perhaps Grindr should just worry about gay men dating. Anyone who can't take an upfront "no" probably shouldn't be dating. No man bats 1.000, not even PUAs.

It's true that people face rejection when they put themselves out there and try to find dates. But Grindr isn't in the business of facilitating rejection. It makes its money by facilitating hookups. And in order to do that, it has to keep the hookup-seekers coming back. Anything that discourages a hookup-seeker from using Grindr is anathema to their business model. Preemptive, insulting rejection notices to a large portion of their clientele are bad for business.

 

[dismal]

If non-Asians don't want to get with Asians, how is that bigoted? We're talking about who another person is going to, or not, have sex with. How is being upfront about whether or not you are interested wrong?

There could be asians that don't want to have sex with other asians. *shrug*

The big takeaway from this is that your sexual preference is not really just your choice, society must approve. And if society does not approve the appropriate way to handle incorrect sexual preferences is shunning, ostracizing, and mockery.

People with the wrong sexual preferences need to be silenced and driven into the closet.

 

[Half-Life]

What I find funny about the "no fatties" thing is that women these days say things like "Don't fat shame me! I'm proud of my body!" Then they see a fat man and say, "I'm not going out with a fatty who doesn't care about himself! I want a nice buff man!"

 

[Trausti]

What I find funny about the "no fatties" thing is that women these days say things like "Don't fat shame me! I'm proud of my body!" Then they see a fat man and say, "I'm not going out with a fatty who doesn't care about himself! I want a nice buff man!"

If you’d exercise and cut the carbs they wouldn’t say that to you.

 

[Metaphor]

No. Shitr is for the kinky people seeking being pooped and peed on.

I have no problem taking a shit on people who place a hard no on race.

Why? Don't all monosexuals place a hard no on certain sexes?

 

[Half-Life]

What I find funny about the "no fatties" thing is that women these days say things like "Don't fat shame me! I'm proud of my body!" Then they see a fat man and say, "I'm not going out with a fatty who doesn't care about himself! I want a nice buff man!"

If you’d exercise and cut the carbs they wouldn’t say that to you.

Very funny.

But you understand my point, right????

They want to be allowed to make fun of fat men, but don't want men making fun of fat women. Hypocrisy.

 

[Politesse]

What I find funny about the "no fatties" thing is that women these days say things like "Don't fat shame me! I'm proud of my body!" Then they see a fat man and say, "I'm not going out with a fatty who doesn't care about himself! I want a nice buff man!"

If, perhaps, probably not on Grindr.

 

[Don2 (Don1 Revised)]

Saying I don't want X tends to be more destructive than saying I want Y. No, X does not have to be "not Y."

I am reminded of conversations with my wife. "What would you like to do for dinner?" "I don't know. What would you like to do for dinner?" "Okay, how about we go out for Thai?" "No that will be too far." "Okay. How about Ruby Tuesdays? You said you want salad." "No, their salads are terrible." "Okay, how about sushi?" "Naah.." "Okay, I've given some suggestions and you've nixed them. So how about you tell me specifically what you want?" "I'll find something to eat wherever we go."

 

[Metaphor]

What I find funny about the "no fatties" thing is that women these days say things like "Don't fat shame me! I'm proud of my body!" Then they see a fat man and say, "I'm not going out with a fatty who doesn't care about himself! I want a nice buff man!"

If you’d exercise and cut the carbs they wouldn’t say that to you.

Very funny.

But you understand my point, right????

They want to be allowed to make fun of fat men, but don't want men making fun of fat women. Hypocrisy.

It's significantly worse than that.

Fat activists (always women, men are not deluded enough to think "real men have curves"), in all their fat activism videos, show themselves with extremely handsome, shirtless gymboys. Fat women don't think fat men are sexually attractive, and they'll always choose a onechin over a fattie.

 

[Half-Life]

Very funny.

But you understand my point, right????

They want to be allowed to make fun of fat men, but don't want men making fun of fat women. Hypocrisy.

It's significantly worse than that.

Fat activists (always women, men are not deluded enough to think "real men have curves"), in all their fat activism videos, show themselves with extremely handsome, shirtless gymboys. Fat women don't think fat men are sexually attractive, and they'll always choose a onechin over a fattie.

So how can they complain about men fat shaming them when they turn right around and fat shame men?

Why is it OK for women to be fat but not for men to be fat?

 

[Jarhyn]

Very funny.

But you understand my point, right????

They want to be allowed to make fun of fat men, but don't want men making fun of fat women. Hypocrisy.

It's significantly worse than that.

Fat activists (always women, men are not deluded enough to think "real men have curves"), in all their fat activism videos, show themselves with extremely handsome, shirtless gymboys. Fat women don't think fat men are sexually attractive, and they'll always choose a onechin over a fattie.

You're lying out your teeth, I see. Either that or absolutely shit-pig ignorant of both bear culture and the popularity of "dad bod".

 

[Jason Harvestdancer]

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[Jarhyn]

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