Is beer ok?

[Smith]

The rape/murder thread, plus lots of IPA's, got me thinking. Is it ok to drink beer in front of a confessed alcoholic, or do I need permission? I mean drink with purpose, not sippy, then be buzzed around them? Or is it better to just acknowledge their loss, cook some food or some shit, and not drink?"

 

[spikepipsqueak]

This is an age old question.

I find it works to consult your specific alcoholic about what is best for them.

BTW, welcome.

 

[T.G.G. Moogly]

I would not. To each his own.

 

[Ford]

The rape/murder thread, plus lots of IPA's, got me thinking. Is it ok to drink beer in front of a confessed alcoholic, or do I need permission? I mean drink with purpose, not sippy, then be buzzed around them? Or is it better to just acknowledge their loss, cook some food or some shit, and not drink?"

This is something I pondered when my ex wife's mother's late second husband used to come to visit.

Yeah, it was complicated.


He was, to put it mildly, an alcoholic. My ex mother in law (mother outlaw?) made a point of telling us before he showed up so that we could remove any alcoholic beverages from the house. Not so much as a cup of cooking wine or bottle of Listerine was to be left lying around lest he would get his mitts on it and guzzle the liquid down.


Then we rolled his wheelchair through the front door and pushed him into the kitchen.



Now, I never cracked open a beer in his presence, but at some level I felt resentment towards him. In part because he was an unpleasant individual, but also because whenever we were in his presence, there was for lack of a better term a "cone of sobriety" around him. Nobody could sip a glass of chardonnay or even fizzy grape juice because it would allegedly set this monster of a man on a rampage where he'd climb up out of his wheelchair and get rip-roaring drunk.


And I always felt that was a bit unfair because in some measure his sobriety became something other than his responsibility. It became ours.



A few years later I found myself at the polar opposite end of the spectrum...taking a stand up comedy class from a guy with 20 years of sobriety under his belt, and performing on a regular basis in a club with a two drink minimum. After the show we'd all meet at another bar.

 

[gmbteach]

I would consult the person, and respect what they say. Then, if given the go ahead, I would drink low alcohol drinks, or space them out with non-alcoholic ones.

 

[Tom Sawyer]

I think it would be polite - not dangling temptation infront of their face and all that.

 

[Sarpedon]

I would say it depends on the context. If they are at a social function where there is understood to be drinking, yes, drink beer. If, however, they come over to your house or some other private function, it would be polite to avoid it.

I would consider this a courtesy issue, not a moral one.

 

[Smith]

Much appreciated everyone. Thank you. I agree with context...to a point. I have no desire to incite a desire in someone that's going to become a fucking nightmare for them or someone else, but would also like to maintain my autonomy. I think that's fair. I also think that what I'm really driving at is...when are urges an...impediment (for lack of a better word. If someone could phrase this better, please do) to not only their own behavior, but the behavior of others? We get to claim a weakness, and then lob a moral hand grenade into our neighbor's apartment?

 

[Perspicuo]

Is it ok to be handsome in front of a nymphomaniac?

Is it ok to eat lunch in front of someone dieting?

 

[doubtingt]

I don't think its a moral issue, but if its a rather minor and infrequent sacrifice, then drinking in front of them would be inconsiderate, presuming they are an alcoholic still struggling to stay sober. But for me, drinking craft beers is my #1 hobby that I engage in on most days, and has been for 25 years. So, not drinking beer for me is equivalent to not eating meat for most meat eaters. Sure, I can forgo it on occasion, but I don't think its reasonable to expect it on a regular basis. If they were so someone that couldn't handle that temptation, then they just wouldn't be someone I socialized with very much.

Is it ok to be handsome in front of a nymphomaniac?

Being handsome is not a voluntary act, so the concept of ethics or politeness does not apply.

Is it ok to eat lunch in front of someone dieting?

Dieters still eat, so not really the same. Even you change it to "eating a box full twinkies in front of them", it might actually be inconsiderate but still not the same unless they were a person with a severe life-threatening eating disorder.

 

[Under the Rose]

Respecting the choices or needs of others is all well and good and when it is an occasional thing, then not such a great personal sacrifice but it does beg the question of just where to draw the line? A lot really depends upon the location (your place or mine) public venue or private.

As some have expressed, it does become rather onerous when MY options become too greatly restricted by the 'needs' of others.

Perhaps because I reside where I can observe the interplay of nature, I expect people to assume much more responsibility for themselves where personal choice problem issues are concerned.

'Addiction' may have a genetic component but I do not accept that people are powerless to modify their behavior once they have greater knowledge of why they may feel motivated to act a particular way. Too many use the word 'addiction' as a crutch, an excuse to avoid accepting responsibility for their actions, and I have a very low tolerance for that type of conduct.

So while I am capable of being 'Miss Manners' where social convention places that expectation upon me, I somewhat resent having to be a babysitter for others at so many junctures in life.

 

[Underseer]

Get them hooked on heroin. That way, no one will care if they're drinking or not.

 

[doubtingt]

Get them hooked on heroin. That way, no one will care if they're drinking or not.

And they'll trade that beer belly for lookin' herion chic.

 

[Smith]

Respecting the choices or needs of others is all well and good and when it is an occasional thing, then not such a great personal sacrifice but it does beg the question of just where to draw the line? A lot really depends upon the location (your place or mine) public venue or private.

As some have expressed, it does become rather onerous when MY options become too greatly restricted by the 'needs' of others.

Perhaps because I reside where I can observe the interplay of nature, I expect people to assume much more responsibility for themselves where personal choice problem issues are concerned.

'Addiction' may have a genetic component but I do not accept that people are powerless to modify their behavior once they have greater knowledge of why they may feel motivated to act a particular way. Too many use the word 'addiction' as a crutch, an excuse to avoid accepting responsibility for their actions, and I have a very low tolerance for that type of conduct.

So while I am capable of being 'Miss Manners' where social convention places that expectation upon me, I somewhat resent having to be a babysitter for others at so many junctures in life.

Right on.