It's not all a bed of roses with some parents

[Rhea]

I was reading the "Humans of New York" entries today about the man who is gay but cannot tell his parents. Backstory includes the suicide of a brother and his efforts to keep his parents going after it, then having difficulty finding relationships with men - keeps falling for straight guys. Followed by his mother expressing intolerance of a gay pda and his feeling he can't tell her he is gay.


Lots of commenters say, "tell your mother; she loves you more than anything!"

and I keep thinking this is kind of naive. It's just not true. Just because she's a mother does NOT mean she loves him more than anything. It does NOT mean she will one day accept his homosexuality. It does NOT guarantee a happy ending.

Although, my personal take would be yes, go ahead and tell her, and she might freak out. But you'd probably be more at peace with being yourself out loud and her freakout than you are keeping yourself a secret to prevent her freakout.

I dunno. the responses just seemed so pat, so formulaic. Just come out to your parents and they will come around, promise.

I just don't buy it.

 

[Angry Floof]

I don't, either. Goodness no. The internet is full of videos and stories showing how hateful parents can be to kids who come out as gay or atheist. This is why I don't actively support coming out campaigns. Individuals have to make that choice on their own depending on what risks might exist in their own family and community. I support letting people know they are not alone, but not to add to the social pressures they face.

 

[Rhea]

I support letting people know they are not alone, but not to add to the social pressures they face.

Like that. Yes.

 

[J842P]

Yeah that's clearly a platitude.

 

[rousseau]

If riding public transit every day through the poor area of my city has taught me anything, it's that it really isn't all a bed of roses with some parents.

 

[James Brown]

I can say the same working in retail. Long ago I realized that if some people spoke to their friends the way they spoke to their children, they wouldn't have any friends.

 

[credoconsolans]

It is a pat response.

Lot of kids are runaways because their parents AREN'T understanding or accepting.

Some of my relatives were old school. They saw nothing wrong with sending away girls who got pregnant out of wedlock or made them marry whoever knocked them up.

Another set of teen girls I knew would have been beaten severely or sent back overseas if their father found out they were dating black guys.

A girl I used to work with way back in the day - we were kids, working retail - had a father who forced her to sign over her paycheck every week. And if she resisted, he'd beat her. She spent a lot of time riding the city bus to get away from her family home situation.

 

[Playball40]

I will never, ever understand some parents.

 

[GenesisNemesis]

Lots of commenters say, "tell your mother; she loves you more than anything!"

Not if you're Christian, you're supposed to love God more than anything!