Joke gallery

[Tigers!]

My penis was in the Guinness Book of World Records.


. . .

Then the librarian told me to take it out!

Must have been the tiny items section.
Or the librarian could have slammed it shut on you. Bound periodicals would have a whole new meaning.

 

[Tigers!]

What is the collective noun for people waiting for a haircut?

A barber queue

 

[ZiprHead]

The James Webb Space Telescope can see so far into the past that scientists think it may be able to image the last fucks I gave.

 

[SLD]

 

[blastula]

What did Mr. Spock find in the ship's toilet?


The captain's log.

 

[ZiprHead]

 

[Tigers!]

A cattle farmer emigrated to Wales and opened a farm at Llanfairpwllqwyllgogerychwyrndrobwlllantysiliogogoch.

Sadly none of his cattle survived the branding.

 

[SLD]

Every girl is bi, just gotta figure out if it's polar or sexual

 

[blastula]

Every girl is bi, just gotta figure out if it's polar or sexual

You're fired.

 

[Tigers!]

Went to the paint store to get thinner.
Didn't work.

 

[bilby]

Apparently a number of Arab oil sheikhs have decided to make a large endowment for a new biophysics facility, which they intend to establish in the city of Manama.

Due to some translation difficulties and a lack of technical knowledge on the part of the money men, the centrepiece of the university will combine the high-energy atom smasher concept at the cutting edge of particle physics, with a more mundane agricultural study of local ground-nut production.

In an attempt to popularise the new campus with British and American students, they have enlisted composer and songwriter Rupert Holmes as a spokesman and recruiter; So, if you like peanut colliders, and getting taught in Bahrain…

 

[ZiprHead]

 

[TV and credit cards]

Well, at least it made me dance.