Let's Hear Your Favorite Insults

[ZiprHead]

I'd especially like the British and Aussie ones. Always so inventive.

One of my old favorites.:

Eat a bowl of fuck!

 

[Cheerful Charlie]

A Japanese curse:

Die Shitting!

 

[Elixir]

The Scots gave me an education after the Republican President's visit...

cockwomble
you incompressible jizztrumpet
weaselheaded fucknugget
leather faced, shit-tobogganist
cock juggling thundercunt!
tiny fingered, Cheeto-faced, ferret wearing shitgibbon.
bolt ya hamster heedit bampot, away and boil yer napper (Trans: "go away you hamster-headed person of low intelligence and hooliganistic tendencies, go boil your head")

And one of my (unrelated) favs:
“You’re too dumb to pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel.”

 

[DolphinDynasty]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cOHzn52g0X0


So much this.

 

[Keith&Co.]

From my disclaimer on my swearing:

I have not actually studied any genealogical lineages except for my own, so any aspersions heaped upon your ancestral lines are not actually expected to be displayed on your familial history charts, Family Bible, AKC Registration or birth certificate.

 

[Tinker Grey]

"You could give his corpse an enema and bury the remains in a matchbox." ~ paraphrasing Hitchens

 

[dendrast]

Try these. Thou reeking rump-fed ronyon.

 

[ZiprHead]

The Scots gave me an education after the Republican President's visit...

cockwomble
you incompressible jizztrumpet
weaselheaded fucknugget
leather faced, shit-tobogganist
cock juggling thundercunt!
tiny fingered, Cheeto-faced, ferret wearing shitgibbon.
bolt ya hamster heedit bampot, away and boil yer napper (Trans: "go away you hamster-headed person of low intelligence and hooliganistic tendencies, go boil your head")

And one of my (unrelated) favs:
“You’re too dumb to pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel.”

Now this is the kind of thing I was thinking about.

 

[SLD]

Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!

 

[Sajara]

I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food trough wiper! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!

- Monty Python and the Holy Grail

 

[DolphinDynasty]

View attachment 10214Try these. Thou reeking rump-fed ronyon.

I considered looking this list up, cuz Shakespeare, I think, managed to interject prolly every opinion he had on critics, stupid people, an the 16th century equivalent to well-to do hipsters of ALL time. ;P

 

[Angry Floof]

Well, it was "shitgibbon" until I saw the Shakespeare list.

 

[fast]

That's because you're merely smart.


ETA: that was not a response to anyone.

 

[Bronzeage]

Insults are not my style. When the situation calls for it, I say, "It's not my job to make you a better person."

 

[Patooka]

My two favourite work-related ones:

"(Person) is so fucking hopeless, they couldn't shove a greasy stick up a dead elephant's arsehole!"

"(Person) is so useless, their net worth as a human being is what you would get when you sold all their organs on Ebay."

 

[DrZoidberg]

View attachment 10214Try these. Thou reeking rump-fed ronyon.

The app

http://www.pangloss.com/seidel/Shaker/index.html?

 

[C_Mucius_Scaevola]

I like the classics ...

"You couldn't find your own arse with both hands and an atlas"
"As useful as tits on a bull"
"if brains were gun powder, you wouldn't have enough to blow your nose"

And sports insults ...

"He couldn't hit a cow's arse with a banjo"
"My first shit ran faster"

But one i'll never forget comes from an obscure, 1980s parody of the then seemingly ubiquitous nostalgia in Britain for the "simple" life of pre-war times epitomised by TV adverts for Hovis bread, Tony Capstick's Capstick Comes Home:
"You great fat useless spawny eyed parrot faced wazzock." Shakespeare reborn.

 

[ideologyhunter]

I like the coarse & brutal, as when Patton Oswalt calls a heckler 'a stupid douche-nozzle', but I respond also to the merciless comment made in perfectly acceptable language, as in 'Evidently, you're an amusing person.' (This, said to a sarcastic character in Stage Door.)

 

[bigfield]

I'm fond of calling people mooks.

 

[DolphinDynasty]

I'm fond of calling people mooks.

Isn't mook a Yiddish word? No idea what it means for them but then could never really figure out how it was insulting either way. Some of their language is just hilarious to say, so id get a laugh just listening, not really caring enough t find out what it mean.