My experiences that suggest an intelligent force exists

[excreationist]

Hi this is about experiences I had as an atheist/agnostic that made me think that there could be an intelligent force in the universe - maybe even from the future a bit like Interstellar? Maybe I'll become a liberal Christian one day. (very long post...)

From March 2018:
From my blog:

Several weeks later I was home alone and decided that it was game over for me. I connected some tubing up to my car’s exhaust pipe and sat in the driver’s seat. Feeling restless I tried breathing in from the tube directly. I decided to put the radio on. Playing on the radio was Ben Lee’s “Gamble Everything For Love”. After that was the New Radical’s song “You Get What You Give”.
…….But when the night is falling
And you cannot find the light (light)
If you feel your dream is dying
Hold tight
You've got the music in you
You've got the music in you
One dance left
This world is gonna pull through
Don't give up
You've got a reason to live
Can't forget you only get what you give

I was starting to feel disorientated and didn’t feel very well and I decided to give life another chance. I staggered out of the car. A couple of days later I casually mentioned to my psychiatrist what I had done and was admitted into the mental ward of a hospital for the third time.

Anyway, it happened again

My Maundy Thursday miracle

Often when weird things in my life have happened I have actively embraced them but this time I am suspicious.

Last Friday my sister mentioned a dream she had a while ago that meant that I would become a Christian sometime. She also quoted John 6:44a – “No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws them….” A day later she asked if anything had happened. I said no. I remembered that that quote was in the song “I am the bread of life”. During the past week I had also listened to a Christian song called “The servant song” on Youtube. I almost never watch Christian music videos in the past few years.

Anyway I went to a church Maundy Thursday dinner with my wife and parents. The first song was “The servant song”. I thought that was quite amazing. Then I thought about the “I am the bread of life” song. I thought it would be impossible for that song to play. There was a different song and then I thought that maybe it is bad to put God to the test. Then there was a video about the last supper and in it Jesus said "I am the bread of life" even though it was in John 6, well before the last supper.

I ended up having communion even though I hadn’t done it in more than 10 years. Then the third and final song was “I am the bread of life”! The lyrics were different though – originally it was “...unless the father draws him...” but in that song it is “unless the father beckons”. It also said “I will raise you up” instead of “I will raise him up”.

Afterwards I talked to the pastor. I told him about the songs and said it was unusual because I don’t really believe in God. I asked him about the story of Samuel and how Eli got him to say “Speak, LORD, for your servant is listening”

Note: I mentioned that the "I am the bread of life" song had different lyrics in the dinner. Well "the servant song" had the normal lyrics but the version I watched on youtube a few days ago had different lyrics. It was the song's writer singing "brother, sister, let me serve you" instead of "brother let me be your servant". So it isn't sexist. In a similar way, changing "I will raise him up" to "I will raise you up" removes sexist language.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QL3vStmoMDw

From my sister:

I had a dream where I was talking to a pastor at church, who shared an encounter he had where he saw Jesus talking to the Father in heaven. Jesus was asking the Heavenly Father when He is going to give [excreationist] to Him.

There was a sense of such longing – that Jesus was lovingly longing for relationship with [excreationist], having foreknowledge that it was the will of the Father for [excreationist] to come to Him, He was longing for the time [excreationist] would come to Him!

When I woke up from this dream, Jesus spoke to me about [excreationist], saying, “I desire oneness with him!” I sensed the loving desire He has for [excreationist].

Holy Spirit reminded me of how Jesus said in John 6:44 -

“No one can come to Me unless the Father who sent Me draws him; and I will raise him up at the last day.”

So Jesus was lovingly waiting with such longing for the Father to draw [excreationist] to Him, that [excreationist] might become one with Jesus and the Father (John 17:20-23).

This is the first time I've ever said to myself "it would be impossible if that specific song were to play". Also it is the first time my sister had told me about a dream she had about me becoming a Christian. As far as Apophenia goes, I have schizoaffective disorder and I have experienced that kind of thing. But some Christians I know tell me that it definitely wasn't a coincidence. I think the chances of that song being the third and final song would be at least dozens to one (maybe hundreds to one). Also like I said, this is the first time I've had communion in at least 10 years - maybe 15 years. Though I've been going to church a lot recently but I don't have it since I don't really believe in God. And that "I am the bread of life" song only played AFTER I had communion and had completely assumed that it wouldn't play (since the second song was different) The last song that played has the same lyrics that my sister talked to me about ("No one can come to Me unless the Father who sent Me draws him; and I will raise him up at the last day.") [well the version that played was a non-sexist version that I'd never heard before]

About the intelligent force in the universe idea:

I don't know - it is mysterious and often hard to know if it really even exists. BTW the message from the future in "Interstellar" was very intelligent though. BTW this video from "Quantum Gravity Research" I watched a few months ago is interesting how it talks about the future you influencing the past you:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w0ztlIAYTCU
There is also an issue of New Scientist magazine from February that has a cover story about the future influencing the past: it says it is like a Sudoku game and that quantum physics isn't actually random if the future is involved.
https://www.newscientist.com/articl...e-how-the-future-can-change-what-happens-now/

BTW there are 7 Lutheran song books with modern songs:

1980 All Together Now
1984 All Together Again
1991 All Together Everybody
1996 All Together OK
2001 All Together Whatever
2007 All Together For Good
2014 All Together All Right

"The bread of life" and "The servant song" are from the same book - All Together Again
http://www.robinmann.com.au/Songs-All-Together-Again-pg23735.html
They are songs 167 and 191.

The bread of life is from 1964
http://www.godsongs.net/2017/04/i-a...-and-i-will-raise-him-up-on-the-last-day.html

The servant song is from about 1977
http://www.godsongs.net/2015/12/servant-song-brother-sister-let-me-serve-you.html

From Futurama - Godfellas: (season 3 episode 20)
http://www.imsdb.com/transcripts/Futurama-Godfellas.html

GOD
Bender, being God isn't easy, if you
do too much, people get dependent. And
if you do nothing, they lose hope. You
have to use a light touch, like a safecracker
or a pickpocket.


BENDER
Or a guy who burns down the bar for
the insurance money.


GOD
Yes, if you make it look like an electrical
thing. When you do things right, people
won't be sure you've done anything at
all.

After talking about the dream she wrote:

Keep sharing what God is doing and any questions,
concerns, prayer requests or curiosities you might have. I
am always here for you! How much more Jesus!!!
I love you and Jesus and your Heavenly Father love you so
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
oooooooooo much!!! There wouldnt be enough space in this
email if I emphasised how much! Truth is, I cant even fathom
it, cos its more than all the sands on the sea shore if you
were to count them!! So great is His love for YOU!!!
God bless you bountifully,
[sister 1] and Jesus, Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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xxxxxxxxxxxxx........to be continued.......FOREVER!!!

So she was talking about the Father loving me a lot - "beyond all measure".
My other sister has written two books about the incredibly deep love of God the Father. The blurb begins "No one on this earth will ever fully grasp just how deep and rich the heart of the Father is towards them."

So the second song, which I thought was quite insignificant has some significance too.

The second song from the Maundy Thursday dinner, "How Deep the Father's Love For Us" played at the church I normally go to. I remembered part of the song I was going to mention but had forgotten - "Ashamed I hear my mocking voice Call out among the scoffers". This has been true of me to some degree.

- - - Updated - - -

See also:
"Agnosticism and Intelligent Design"
https://talkfreethought.org/showthread.php?15921-Agnosticism-and-Intelligent-Design

 

[ruby sparks]

Hi excreationist. You have my sincere sympathies for your struggles along the mortal coil.

Unfortunately, I don't think you'll get much in the way of support here for the suggestions about an intelligent force or for intelligent design.

I myself would not diss them on the grounds that they are idiotic, just that they are wishful thinking. If they help you in some way and you do not go about imposing them on others (which I'm guessing you don't) then good luck to you.

Just a heads up.

Though if you first came here 18 years ago (as it seems you did) you may already be clued in.

 

[excreationist]

Besides the possibility that the future is influencing the past, there is the possibility that we're in a simulated reality. Elon Musk has said there is a billions to one chance that we are NOT in a simulation. I don't think the future could influence the past in a simulation unless it is going back and forth between the present and the future?
Parts of the simulation/reality loop could be overriding normal chance and cause things like my experiences and evolution/abiogenesis.

 

[Sarpedon]

If we are in a simulation, why are we aware of the possibility that we are in a simulation? What is the purpose of a simulation where the occupants are aware of this fact? Wouldn't their awareness muck up whatever the simulation was set up to test?

Also, if you have been following the news lately, it is plenty clear that Elon Musk is insane. Why would you invoke him as an authority?

 

[Tom Sawyer]

It sounds like you really want to believe and feel that religion will fill a hole that you find in your life without it.

That's actually a really good reason to have faith. If you feel that these aren't just our human pattern matching abilities which try to structure order out of randomness and it's actually some dude talking to you in order to bring you back into the fold because he knows that this is what you need from him right now, then go with that.

A person's religion or lack thereof is the end result of their search for the truth and what it is that they find to be credible. If you find it credible that God would reach out to you at a low point in your life to let you know that he's there and call you back to your faith, then answer that call.

 

[Speakpigeon]

My own experience of life also suggests that an intelligent force exists. And I'm pretty sure we nearly all share the same experience in this respect. It's in fact pretty obvious. So, yeah, there's an intelligent force. So?
EB

 

[Elixir]

My own experience of life also suggests that an intelligent force exists. And I'm pretty sure we nearly all share the same experience in this respect. It's in fact pretty obvious. So, yeah, there's an intelligent force. So?
EB

So - the hijacked set of ancient pagan beliefs that were crafted (post-Constantine) into an even more sophisticated tool of repression and control of the populace, describes a repository of that intelligent force: The Christian God. Which must certainly, definitely, beyond all question, BE that intelligent force.
If you don't see how that necessarily follows, you need more brainwashing!

 

[Speakpigeon]

If we are in a simulation, why are we aware of the possibility that we are in a simulation? What is the purpose of a simulation where the occupants are aware of this fact? Wouldn't their awareness muck up whatever the simulation was set up to test?

The point of a simulated reality is not to make people believe they're real. That would be really idiotic. Since simulated people are not real to begin with, what would be the point of that? Snigger?

The point of a simulation is anybody's guess. They're perhaps trying to work out what would work in the long run, perhaps to solve their own problems. So, they run different simulations and maybe they wanted to see what happens when people get convinced they are in a simulation. Maybe that's precisely what they think so they're trying to figure out if that's really possible. Who know?

Also, if you have been following the news lately, it is plenty clear that Elon Musk is insane. Why would you invoke him as an authority?

Insane? No. He has obviously serious issues with various substances. That's not insanity.

I certainly wouldn't trust my life with this guy but if he was insane we would need to worry given his wealth, influence, and power. Surely, somebody must have him under surveillance, just in case.
EB

 

[phands]

And I'm pretty sure we nearly all share the same experience in this respect.

Utter nonsense, and you cannot possibly speak for even a tiny fraction of "we".....unless you mean that "we" is those who are superstitious fools who you know.

 

[Horatio Parker]

syn·chro·nic·i·ty
ˌsiNGkrəˈnisədē/Submit
noun
1.
the simultaneous occurrence of events that appear significantly related but have no discernible causal connection.

 

[Speakpigeon]

My own experience of life also suggests that an intelligent force exists. And I'm pretty sure we nearly all share the same experience in this respect. It's in fact pretty obvious. So, yeah, there's an intelligent force. So?
EB

So - the hijacked set of ancient pagan beliefs that were crafted (post-Constantine) into an even more sophisticated tool of repression and control of the populace, describes a repository of that intelligent force: The Christian God. Which must certainly, definitely, beyond all question, BE that intelligent force.
If you don't see how that necessarily follows, you need more brainwashing!

Sorry, I'm lost here. Clearly, you're not in any mood to argue anything cogently so I'm not going to press you on that but be reassured, I certainly don't see how it could possibly follow.

No, the intelligent force I say is in evidence for all to see is not the Christian God, nor any god for that matter, nor any kind supreme being.

So, when exactly was I brainwashed? And by whom?
EB

 

[Speakpigeon]

And I'm pretty sure we nearly all share the same experience in this respect.

Utter nonsense, and you cannot possibly speak for even a tiny fraction of "we".....unless you mean that "we" is those who are superstitious fools who you know.

Sorry, but I now have the experience that whatever intelligent force there is definitely doesn't lie with you so there's no much point trying to argue anything with you. You prove it again here. You're not even discussing what I say, you just jump on what you see as an opportunity to repeat your trite ideology.

"We" certainly includes most people, and all intelligent people. "We" doesn't include complete idiots but they're not that many.
EB

 

[Sarpedon]

The point of a simulated reality is not to make people believe they're real. That would be really idiotic. Since simulated people are not real to begin with, what would be the point of that? Snigger?

The point of a simulation is anybody's guess. They're perhaps trying to work out what would work in the long run, perhaps to solve their own problems. So, they run different simulations and maybe they wanted to see what happens when people get convinced they are in a simulation. Maybe that's precisely what they think so they're trying to figure out if that's really possible. Who know?

Please don't be so contemptuous when you are yourself being the one misinterpreting what is said.

If the universe is simulated, we, who are part of the simulation, realizing that would break the simulation. The point of simulating things is to answer the question 'what if ___.' I cannot imagine any way having simulated people being aware that they are simulated would help answer any question, except 'what if our simulated people could know they were simulated!' Again, what is the point?

 

[Treedbear]

...

...
There is also an issue of New Scientist magazine from February that has a cover story about the future influencing the past: it says it is like a Sudoku game and that quantum physics isn't actually random if the future is involved.
https://www.newscientist.com/articl...e-how-the-future-can-change-what-happens-now/

...

Thanks so much for the link to this article. But since you need to subscribe to read it all I was able to find what seems to be the same article here in its entirety. It has a very interesting approach to explaining quantum effects that is based on the reversability of the laws of physics, which I've been thinking of quite a bit lately. I hope to be able to cite it in the Natural Science forum (when I have time). Thanks again.

 

[excreationist]

...

...
There is also an issue of New Scientist magazine from February that has a cover story about the future influencing the past: it says it is like a Sudoku game and that quantum physics isn't actually random if the future is involved.
https://www.newscientist.com/articl...e-how-the-future-can-change-what-happens-now/

...

Thanks so much for the link to this article. But since you need to subscribe to read it all I was able to find what seems to be the same article here in its entirety. It has a very interesting approach to explaining quantum effects that is based on the reversability of the laws of physics, which I've been thinking of quite a bit lately. I hope to be able to cite it in the Natural Science forum (when I have time). Thanks again.

Thanks for finding that copy. I wonder if that theory could involve intelligent information going back (e.g. the Interstellar movie). Or just information that "fits" the sudoku puzzle.

 

[excreationist]

....If the universe is simulated, we, who are part of the simulation, realizing that would break the simulation. The point of simulating things is to answer the question 'what if ___.' I cannot imagine any way having simulated people being aware that they are simulated would help answer any question, except 'what if our simulated people could know they were simulated!' Again, what is the point?

There is a difference of "realizing" being in a simulation and "suspecting" you are. People realizing they're simulated doesn't disprove that they're in a simulation. In fact it makes the simulation a lot more interesting - e.g. like in the Truman Show movie. The plot where he suspects something is a lot more interesting than when he had no idea.
Simulations could be done for the purpose of entertainment (e.g. a sophisticated new GTA game - where the NPC have realistic conversations based on their realistic lives). Sometimes people "break the fourth wall"... it is interesting. More about what the point of a simulation might be:
https://talkfreethought.org/showthr...lligent-Design&p=588075&viewfull=1#post588075

Also see episodes of Black Mirror and Rick and Morty about scenarios involving simulations. In a Rick and Morty episode Rick is aware that a seemingly normal existence is actually a simulation within a simulation (within a simulation? I can't remember)
https://www.reddit.com/r/rickandmorty/comments/20uv1t/m_night_shaymaliens_question/

 

[excreationist]

syn·chro·nic·i·ty
ˌsiNGkrəˈnisədē/Submit
noun
1.
the simultaneous occurrence of events that appear significantly related but have no discernible causal connection.

Yes according to naturalism that isn't in a simulation there could be no casual connection. But I find it interesting to think about.

 

[excreationist]

It sounds like you really want to believe and feel that religion will fill a hole that you find in your life without it.

No it is the opposite really. I don't want to take Jesus seriously. I don't want to seek God (besides reading books for and against Christianity). I don't want to reach out to God and see if he's real. I think I'd be ashamed to try and promote Jesus to other people. Though in high school I did promote YEC in an intellectual way.

That's actually a really good reason to have faith. If you feel that these aren't just our human pattern matching abilities which try to structure order out of randomness and it's actually some dude talking to you in order to bring you back into the fold because he knows that this is what you need from him right now, then go with that.

The thing is though that I think these songs are compatible with a highly liberal version of Christianity - like MLK believed in - where Jesus may not have literally rose from the dead, etc.
It reminds me a bit of:
https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/robert_anton_wilson_361637
"All phenomena are real in some sense, unreal in some sense, meaningless in some sense, real and meaningless in some sense, unreal and meaningless in some sense, and real and unreal and meaningless in some sense."
Robert Anton Wilson
(well not that crazy)

A person's religion or lack thereof is the end result of their search for the truth and what it is that they find to be credible. If you find it credible that God would reach out to you at a low point in your life to let you know that he's there and call you back to your faith, then answer that call.

The songs on the radio could be explained as chance better than the Maundy Thursday service songs. If it hadn't been on the radio I probably would be dead so therefore it is expected that those songs would have played.
I'm still VERY reluctant to do much about this. From what I can tell, this intelligent force isn't promoting traditional Christianity as a whole, just some aspects of it. Hmmm... it seems me having communion is significant though. BTW my wife got me to eat a cracker with a service a few months ago and after the service I heard "Daniel" by Elton John on the radio which is quite significant - I know many Daniels (long but very interesting story), I know hardly anything about the book of Daniel and my wife has had a few boyfriends called Daniel. There is an ebook I have called "Godless" by Dan Barker which I read every now and then. When I talked to a friend of mine who is studying theology about Dan Barker he immediately wanted to change the subject. I don't know of other Christians (including my pastor) who have heard of Dan Barker. I can learn a lot from Dan Barker but he might not be correct about his probable belief that no intelligent force exists.

 

[excreationist]

If we are in a simulation, why are we aware of the possibility that we are in a simulation? What is the purpose of a simulation where the occupants are aware of this fact? Wouldn't their awareness muck up whatever the simulation was set up to test?

See my other posts.

Also, if you have been following the news lately, it is plenty clear that Elon Musk is insane. Why would you invoke him as an authority?

I have been watching his videos on Youtube but am unaware of what you are talking about. Anyway he seems to be highly intelligent. He could be the main reason why people could be going to Mars in huge numbers soon.

 

[excreationist]

A related thing from my blog:
In 2008 I was in a creative writing class for people with mental illnesses. I wrote poems, made a comic, and wrote a true story that is mainly about an event earlier in my life where I later was hospitalised. Then it also covers my suicide attempt.
I initially was trying to hypnotise people who were reading my posts but I ended up hypnotising myself and eventually became catatonic.
At the time I believed that I was in a computer game a bit like the Matrix.

The post shown in the picture is from iidb

Back in the December of 2005 I wondered if life was real. Were we perfect gods who were playing hide and seek with ourselves through the game of life?
Back in the year 2000 I also questioned reality. I read books by Ken Keyes about how to be content with life all of the time. I came to believe that I was a perfect viewer watching the drama of life unfold. By having loving preferences rather than demands, only positive and neutral emotions remained. His books said to just play out your normal role but I thought I could help the world more by changing into whatever personality I felt like at the time. I think that we secretly crave threats to things we care about otherwise life can seem boring and meaningless. I think that’s why I put myself into riskier and riskier situations. I ended up trying to help criminals in [.........] become happy but after visiting the police too many times, I was taken to the hospital.

In the December of 2005 I had been off of my mood stabilizer for about 5 months. I wrote on three different internet messageboards – [.........] – which was mainly populated by those who don’t believe in any gods, the [...........] boards – which is made up of men who want to be courageous men rather than miserable doormats. The third messageboard was on [.............] which was a website where people shared expensive videos and files related to picking up women. At that time I became more interested in [.........] ebooks about David Deida’s ideas about masculine and feminine archetypes and the King-Warrior-Magician-Lover system. I also learnt about the Myers-Briggs personality system which has 16 types. For at least five years I had been interested in kabalarians.com and thought it was very accurate. It is based on a type of numerology where letters in people’s names are converted into numbers and then in a personality profile. I started making my own personality systems using diagrams based on 4 parts and was encouraged when I learnt about mandala’s which are pictures supposedly based on our underlying reality which had 4 main parts. This got me into thinking that reality was ultimately based on symbols – like a computer game’s code. And computer games often include cheat codes and if they don’t the game can be hacked.
I had also read about hypnotism and set about writing hypnotic messages on the messageboards to try to pull the readers into a fantasy world where normal physical limitations didn’t apply. I heard that about 10% of people are able to be hypnotised so that anything can be made to disappear before their eyes. Those 10% were who I was particularly interested in.

Is Life Real?
I typed in for the title. I then typed a long message where I tried to guess the readers’ thoughts in the hope of gaining their trust.
Here is a philosophical story that you might enjoy reading... you might learn something about fixing depression. Or maybe you're not depressed so it doesn't matter. Just go back to your real life and have fun!!!! Yay!!!! Isn’t real life so fun!!! That was only a fake smile!!! Maybe you had half a smile then... or maybe you're still depressed. Well I guess you can see a psychiatrist and go to a mental hospital or read this crazy story. You might somehow learn something from this story... maybe... but I don't want to impose on you... only read it if you've got time and you're bored or something. It's just a worthless story I've been thinking about... it could be made into a more realistic "Matrix" kind of movie... the story is about a character who has a depressed life and they see a story on some messageboard or something, and maybe in an email... well I guess you don't want to read it. The End

You really don't want to read it. If you do, things won't seem real and people will think you're crazy. DON'T READ THIS!!!! THIS IS HARMFUL TO YOUR MENTAL HEALTH!!!! STOP NOW AND KEEP YOUR SANITY!!! DO YOU WANT TO BE SOME INSANE HIPPY THAT THINKS EVERYTHING IS EVERYTHING AND NOTHING!!! THAT'S ILLOGICAL THEREFORE FALSE!!! THE RULES OF LOGIC DEFINE REALITY!!! YOU'RE CRAZY!!! GET HELP NOW!!! WHAT'S YOUR NAME!!! WHERE DO YOU LIVE!!!! I CAN HELP!!!! TELL ME NOW!!! YOU NEED HELP!!! NOW!!! YOU'RE INSANE!!!! YOU'RE CRAZY!!!! JUST FORGET ABOUT THIS NONSENCE AND GET BACK TO REALITY!!! DO YOU WANT TO BE LOCKED UP??? YOU SHOULD BE LOCKED UP AND THEY SHOULD THROW AWAY THE KEY!!! YOUR WAY OF THINKING IS BAD FOR CIVILIZATION!!!!! JUST ACCEPT THAT THINGS ARE REAL AND FACE YOUR CHALLENGES AND FIND SOME HAPPINESS IN LIFE!!! JUST ACCEPT IT!!! AND YOUR PROBLEM IS THAT YOU JUST DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD!!! YOU ARE LOST!!! ACCEPT JESUS INTO YOUR LIFE AND THEN YOU'LL BE HAPPY!!!!! HEAVEN IS WONDERFUL!!! I KNOW SOME PEOPLE SAY THAT THERE IS A HELL BUT THEY'RE JUST CRAZY!!! GOD IS LOVE!!! EVERYTHING IS OK!!! YOU'RE IN REALITY!!!! THIS ISN'T A DREAM!!! JUST ACCEPT REALITY AND BELIEVE THAT GOD IS LOVE OR SOMETHING. YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE THAT OR YOU WON'T BE HAPPY

TO BE CONTINUED
I posted the message on all three messageboards, using capital letters to try and hammer in my words.

WELL YOU JUST READ THE FIRST PART, NOW ONTO THE NEXT PART OF THE STORY... IT SEEMS LIKE THIS STORY IS TRUE DOESN'T IT? WELL I'M JUST USING SOME HYPNOTIC TECHNIQUES... IT'S PRETTY COOL ISN'T IT!!! I CAN READ YOUR THOUGHTS!!! WELL I DIDN'T READ THEM CORRECTLY THAT TIME, BUT I'M GETTING BETTER... AND MY KNOWLEDGE OF YOU WILL JUST GET BETTER AND BETTER AND YOU WILL THINK YOU'RE IN A FANTASTIC DREAM. ARE YOU HYPNOTIZED YET...

TO BE CONTINUED
I posted the next message expecting that my messages would allow people to realise first-hand that life was like a computer game and that it would either make the world’s news or be suppressed as soon as possible. I wanted extra help in the game of life in the form of a genie. Perhaps I would get a phone call soon where the game is surrendering and offering to grant wishes. I had a headache and was sweating a lot and put that down to the game trying to protect itself from cheaters who might spoil the experience for others. I would just drench my head in water to stop overheating – I don’t remember drinking water.
USING THE LATEST NLP AND HYPNOSIS TECHNIQUES, I'M GOING TO TRY AND TAKE OVER YOUR MIND.
I typed on, while not considering that I could be one of those hypnotized readers.
IF YOU READ ON, YOU WILL BE LOCKED UP IN A MENTAL INSTITUTION BECAUSE YOU ARE INSANE. YOU DON'T WANT TO BE INSANE DO YOU?
I was worried that people from the hospital would be taking me away soon so I had to hurry and get this finished.
SO KEEP ON TYPING THIS STORY...
I complied with my own command since there didn’t seem to be any people from the hospital around at that moment.
YES, LOOK AT THAT PICTURE OF SCOOBY DOO ABOVE YOU...
I looked on the wall above my computer to check to see if the picture was still there.
WHAT? YOU DON'T SEE IT? WELL YOU WILL IF YOU KEEP TYPING THIS STORY...
I assumed some readers out there didn’t see what I’m seeing yet – I thought they should keep on typing like I was.
YES, PRESS THOSE BUTTONS AND MAGICAL THINGS WILL HAPPEN. JUST WAIT AND SEE...
I made that message appear on the messageboard and then typed some more sentences about what was happening or will happen such as the phone ringing or the sound of thunder.

I decided that I’d pressed enough buttons. I kept on describing more things that I could see. Then I tried to change what was happening around me just by thinking. I wished that a girl called [T] would appear behind my bedroom door. She was about 3 years younger than me, with straight, long, brown hair and deep brown eyes. When I was at university in the year 2000, she lived in an eight-bedroom flat with me. She didn’t appear.

I decided to wander around the house. I wished life was better. I wandered past the kitchen. The sky outside seemed brighter. I walked to the back door. Then I turned around and saw a girl who looked a bit like [T] sitting at my Dad’s laptop. I later realized that she was a family friend from Germany.

The appearance and behavior of the girl who appeared sitting at that computer wasn't what I wanted. After going towards her I retreated. She started to smile and say “what?”. I liked that so I moved towards her again. She then seemed uneasy and withdrew a little so I did too and the process repeated a few times until I was moving so close that her face was filling up my view – I was almost kissing her.

I gave up on the girl by the laptop and wished that a genie would appear to grant me wishes – or at least that there was help for dissatisfied customers. My wishes didn’t seem to be happening so I thought I’d give up temporarily by lying on the ground and closing my eyes. I rose to find things about the same so I lay down again. I did this a few times then went into my lounge room. I continued to stand up and lie down until I met a bearded man (who I later realized was my father) who was offering what I saw a cup of life-giving fluid. I went towards him a little to encourage helpfulness in the game but then retreated because I didn’t feel like a drink at the time. He also offered food but I refused it too.

I lay on the floor again and instead of getting up and lying down I’d just move my arm back and forth which represented me seeking or avoiding aspects of my present experience. I later would shake my head left and right and then just think in dualistic systems such as yes-no, left-right, one-zero, and black-white.

Lying on the ground I overheard a conversation – two men were talking about my history of bipolar disorder – they were actually my Dad and an ambulance officer. Things seemed to just get worse and worse so I thought I’d just try and die by lying down and keeping my eyes closed. Later on my Dad said that he couldn’t lift me because I was too heavy.

Then I appeared in the ambulance – I later found out that I had been lifted off of the floor and onto the stretcher. I moved and thought to myself in those two-word systems (one-zero, on-off, etc) in time to the two-tone siren and heart-rate monitor. I wanted to have everything I wanted with just a tiny hand gesture. With my eyes closed I thought that I’d soon be bored of that and perhaps indulge in cruelty. I thought of the implications of being selfish and cruel – it meant that I had an evil heart. In my deepest thoughts I was Satan. A year later I even went around in public saying I was Satan and offering to grant people wishes if they’d do me favors. But that’s another story.

Back in the ambulance, on my left, was a lady that I again thought was a non-perfect recreation of [T]. According to the files I obtained under the Freedom Of Information Act, I wanted to hold her hand. Perhaps I reached out to her to communicate that.

I blacked out again and went back to going back and forth between two opposites. I wondered what structure reality had. I thought about the yin-yang symbol. Was reality a battle between two opposites? I then thought about a very complicated flower image that looked like it was made up of three main loops. I can’t remember what those three loops meant exactly. Maybe one was the “right-hand path” of being a humble servant, the next was the “left-hand path” of being self-centered, and then was the “middle path” which I think involves respect and equality.

Then I was wheeled on a hospital bed through a pair of swinging doors. I thought this meant that I was being reborn. I found the sounds from the hospital interesting. There was a man talking with a very strong Scottish accent. I decided to get up and I saw that I was wearing my white and blue camouflage board shorts and I remembered who I was. I sat up and looked around. I was told to not get up so I kept on lying down.

At the hospital I was put back on mood stabilizers. This made it hard for me to be motivated to do things and I wanted to stay in bed a lot. Several weeks later I was home alone and decided that it was game over for me. I connected some tubing up to my car’s exhaust pipe and sat in the driver’s seat.

....