Overlooked Saints

[ideologyhunter]

The Vatican recognizes over 10,000 saints, so it can be difficult to know which one to petition for a specific need. Here is my list of the least appreciated patron saints. Each one is followed by, first, the saint's specialty; second, the preferred form of supplication; and last, the feast day for that saint. May your prayers be answered.

Saint Buffy/tanning salons and dip dyes/3 votive candles and a choker necklace or charm bracelet (at least a Zales)/any day Tavern on the Green is open
Saint Sigourney/Dutch braids (don't scoff, these can be murder)/eggnog votive candle and Viking hair clasp/Kerstfeest
Saint Karen/confrontations with middle and upper mgmt. (I have prayed to her, and she gets the job done)/vanilla caramel votive candle and neck ring or longyi/Tax Freedom Day (She is the only saint who says 'Oh, Hell to the No' with a fey ghetto accent)
Saint Bill/on-road tire repairs/Brut-scented votive candles and holy tire iron cross/any sandwich debut at BK
Saint Waylon/frog gigging/LED headlamp for hardhat (in place of candles)/church potluck, your choice
Saint Jeff/monogrammed polo shirts/Acqua di Gio votive candle and Clif Bar (especially Coffee Collection and no Crunchy Peanut Butter)/No feast day, watch that gluten

 

[Loren Pechtel]

Damn you! I read this as "overbooked saints"!

 

[ZiprHead]

Do Saint Larry.

 

[Elixir]

Do Saint Larry.

As in the Saint Larry Seaway? Saint Larry University? What?
How is he overlooked - or overbooked?

 

[ideologyhunter]

I always preferred Saint Curly, because of his mantra: "If at first you don't succeed, keep on suckin' 'til you do succeed!"

 

[Keith&Co.]

Saint Karen/confrontations with middle and upper mgmt. (I have prayed to her, and she gets the job done)/vanilla caramel votive candle and neck ring or longyi/Tax Freedom Day (She is the only saint who says 'Oh, Hell to the No' with a fey ghetto accent)

If there's a saint for Karens, is there a saint for managers?

Saint Jerry /confrontations with people who can't read (As clearly stated in our return policy, printed on the back of your receipt)
/ (Traditional offerings) Proofs of purchase (ticket stubs, receipts, credit card statements)
(New but increasingly popular) Masks, disinfectant, hand sanitizer

/ Black Friday (and up to four days after that, as long as you really meant to feast on that day, but something came up)