For us, our first was a very easy child. He ate what was offered, slept when we put him down and aimed if we handed him over to someone. He was verbal early on and funny before he formed words we could understand. He was extremely social and outgoing. In fact he was such a neighborhood delight that he inspired multiple friends to have their own babies and one used his name as their kid’s middle name.
We thought it was because we were such good parents ts.
And then we had another child.
Who would only breast feed until he was old enough to eat from my plate—eschewing all baby food to the point that I simply mashed up what we were having with my fork and fed him that. Oh, and he liked Cheerios, but only the ones which fell on the floor. In fact it was quite a challenge when he was a toddler to keep him from eating all sorts of stuff he found on the ground or the sidewalk or at the bus stop. He did not take a nap reliably until just before #3 was born and did not sleep through the night until he was over 18 months old. I don’t remember precisely how old he was because I was exhausted. He did not verbalize early like his brother. I was worried he wasn’t quite as smart but he almost immediately went to full sentences once he began talking. He was clingy and did not socialize easily.
In short, we learned a LOT of humility.
So with the subsequent kids, we learned to draw zero comparisons and to enjoy them each for who they were.
I think that with our first, we were all about doing everything the ‘right’ way, which, lacking internet ( not yet invented) or parents nearby, we made up on our own. Oh, I read a lot and talked to other parents at but I worked full time and commuted until he was 2, so…fortunately we had an easy baby. Our mistake was thinking he was easy because we were good. Also, in retrospect, I recognize some of the struggles we did have but were so enamored with #1 that we just forgot there had ever been anything but bliss when he was a baby.
We learned to relax about a lot of things as the children came, partly because we had no choice—we were not magically awarded more hours in the day or more energy when we had a new baby. But also because we learned that a missed nap or gasp! a cookie or bite of ice cream was not the end of the world, that temper tantrums passed faster if you didn’t let them rattle you and could mostly be avoided if you paid attention and did not expect a hungry or over tired toddler to not mention down in the mall and instead scheduled around meal and nap times, for example.
We learned to let them be themselves and not to take any one child as a good standard. I was quick at this because my parents very much thought my older sibling was THE gold standard against which we were all measured and found wanting. Nor did I think that they had to be best friends ( although sometimes they are).
We also learned to really really appreciate them for who they are. And it was a little bittersweet going through everything with the youngest because we knew they’d be the last one, so I tried to hold on to moments a bit more, I think.
But I’ll stop now. You’re right: I do tend to run on a lot. I really enjoy children and I really loved raising mine, even on the no good terrible very bad days.
