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Profound Thoughts

ZiprHead

Loony Running The Asylum
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Don't be a dick.
Whomever came up with pockets in sweat pants is a genius.
 

James Brown

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If some people spoke to their friends the way they speak to their children, they wouldn't have any friends.
 

Keith&Co.

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Here.
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I'm here...
In the kingdom of the blind, the one-eyed man is probably under psychiatric care, for visions of things he has no words to describe. Clouds, stars, moon, sun, lightning, lightning bugs... and why he doesn't want to go down in the cellar....
 

Jobar

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Think of how stupid the average person is; and half the people are even stupider than that.
-George Carlin
 

bigfield

the baby-eater
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Where did the seedless grape come from?

Made me curious, so I looked it up. Many fruit trees and vines are "essentially clones":

If you go to a grocery store today to buy grapes, there is a good chance that the only type of grape you can buy is seedless. Nearly all grapevines in production today produce seedless grapes.

It turns out that most fruits today do not come from seeds. They come from cuttings instead. This is true of grapes, blueberries, apples, cherries, etc. (pretty much all fruits except citrus, although scientists are working on that, too). A piece of a vine or branch is cut off, dipped in rooting hormone and then placed in moist dirt so that roots and leaves form. Because they come from cuttings, new grapevines are essentially clones of the vine they were cut from.

Seedless grapes actually do contain seeds at some point. But a genetic error prevents the seeds from forming hard outer coats like normal seeds do.

https://science.howstuffworks.com/life/botany/question349.htm

TIL
 

Patooka

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Never trust a man who when left alone in a room with a tea cosy, doesn't try it on.

-Billy Connolly
 

OLDMAN

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NONE
No one wins, and no one loses, we all just die.
 

Elixir

Made in America
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English is complicated
Just because something is true, doesn't make it worth saying.
 

Thomas II

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No one wins, and no one loses, we all just die.

215px-Debbie_Downer.PNG


:p
 

Angry Floof

Tricksy Leftits
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All the gods, all the heavens, all the hells, are within you. - Joseph Campbell

Not so much humor but I like finding opportunities to interject this quote into conversation.
 

WAB

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Are there cuckoo clocks in psyche wards?

Do cannibals enjoy finger-foods?
 

Angry Floof

Tricksy Leftits
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Is this not enough? This blessed sip of life, is it not enough?

Also not so much humor but I love it.
 

rousseau

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My favourite Dave Matthews Band quote:

I was there when the bear ate his head, thought it was a candy. Everyone goes in the end.
 

WAB

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I have two things and want to give away most of them. What do I do?
 

James Brown

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And how did hotcakes become the standard unit of measurement for aggressive sales?
 

ZiprHead

Loony Running The Asylum
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Don't be a dick.
Considering today is Halloween, I have a question.

How do Aussie kids Trick Or Treat? Doesn't the candy just fall out of those upside down bags?
 

WAB

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Considering today is Halloween, I have a question.

How do Aussie kids Trick Or Treat? Doesn't the candy just fall out of those upside down bags?

More importantly, those Australian bats actually stand up! :coffeespray
 
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Tom Sawyer

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It's sad when entire families have to be ripped apart by something as simple as a pack of wild dogs.

- Jack Handey
 

Thomas II

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"We used to laugh at Grandpa when he'd head off and go fishing. But we
wouldn't be laughing that evening when he'd come back with some whore he
picked up in town..."

by Jack Handey
 

Tom Sawyer

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That I'm God
A good one I heard the other day:

"Remember that from everybody's own point of view, they are the most important person in the world. Always be sure to make them feel that way".

Not really all that funny, but still kind of profound.
 

Elixir

Made in America
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English is complicated
If you plant birdseed it will sprout and grow, but it won't yield any birds.
 
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steve_bank

Diabetic retinopathy and poor eyesight. Typos ...
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Why change your underwear, it just gets dirty all over again.
 

mudlark

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basic deplorable
Through natural selection, when we kill all the spiders we see, we are only creating spiders who are better at hiding .
 

ZiprHead

Loony Running The Asylum
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Don't be a dick.
If Bonespurs wanted Hillary locked up so badly, maybe he should have hired her.
 

steve_bank

Diabetic retinopathy and poor eyesight. Typos ...
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Something I read on a wall while relieving myself in a urinal. A true life metaphor.

'No matter how much you wiggle and how much you dance, the last few drops will always go down your pants'
 

Underseer

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Where did the seedless grape come from?

Have you ever found a seed in a banana?

The bananas you buy from the store come from a banana variety that produces no seeds, so it has to be reproduced by cloning techniques (much easier with plants: just cut off the right part and stick it in water).
 

Underseer

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Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy said:
There is an art, it says, or rather, a knack to flying. The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.
[ent]mdash[/ent]Douglas Adams

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing noise they make as they pass by.
[ent]mdash[/ent]Douglas Adams

My initial response was to sue her for defamation of character, but then I realized that I had no character.
[ent]mdash[/ent]Charles Barkley

Come to think of it, there are already a million monkeys on a million typewriters, and Usenet is NOTHING like Shakespeare.
[ent]mdash[/ent]Blair Houghton

Air Force Times said:
Live and scratch. When you die, the itching stops.
[ent]mdash[/ent]Anonymous Soviet diplomat

Sorry about the above quote. I'm pretty sure I read it in the Air Force Times as a child, but I could be wrong about which publication, and I certainly don't recall the issue number nor the author. I do recall that the author wasn't sure if the above was a common Russian saying, or just something that particular diplomat came up with on his own.
 
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