Profound Thoughts

[ZiprHead]

Whomever came up with pockets in sweat pants is a genius.

 

[Cheerful Charlie]

Where ever you go, there you are.
- Bukaroo Banzai

 

[James Brown]

If some people spoke to their friends the way they speak to their children, they wouldn't have any friends.

 

[Keith&Co.]

In the kingdom of the blind, the one-eyed man is probably under psychiatric care, for visions of things he has no words to describe. Clouds, stars, moon, sun, lightning, lightning bugs... and why he doesn't want to go down in the cellar....

 

[Jobar]

Think of how stupid the average person is; and half the people are even stupider than that.
-George Carlin

 

[Tigers!]

Where did the seedless grape come from?

 

[bigfield]

Where did the seedless grape come from?

Made me curious, so I looked it up. Many fruit trees and vines are "essentially clones":

If you go to a grocery store today to buy grapes, there is a good chance that the only type of grape you can buy is seedless. Nearly all grapevines in production today produce seedless grapes.

It turns out that most fruits today do not come from seeds. They come from cuttings instead. This is true of grapes, blueberries, apples, cherries, etc. (pretty much all fruits except citrus, although scientists are working on that, too). A piece of a vine or branch is cut off, dipped in rooting hormone and then placed in moist dirt so that roots and leaves form. Because they come from cuttings, new grapevines are essentially clones of the vine they were cut from.

Seedless grapes actually do contain seeds at some point. But a genetic error prevents the seeds from forming hard outer coats like normal seeds do.

https://science.howstuffworks.com/life/botany/question349.htm

TIL

 

[Patooka]

Never trust a man who when left alone in a room with a tea cosy, doesn't try it on.

-Billy Connolly

 

[Iznomneak]

Eschew obfuscation!

 

[OLDMAN]

No one wins, and no one loses, we all just die.

 

[Elixir]

Just because something is true, doesn't make it worth saying.

 

[Thomas II]

No one wins, and no one loses, we all just die.

 

[Cheerful Charlie]

Why does the porridge bird lay it's eggs in the air?

 

[Angry Floof]

All the gods, all the heavens, all the hells, are within you. - Joseph Campbell

Not so much humor but I like finding opportunities to interject this quote into conversation.

 

[WAB]

Are there cuckoo clocks in psyche wards?

Do cannibals enjoy finger-foods?

 

[Angry Floof]

Is this not enough? This blessed sip of life, is it not enough?

Also not so much humor but I love it.

 

[rousseau]

My favourite Dave Matthews Band quote:

I was there when the bear ate his head, thought it was a candy. Everyone goes in the end.

 

[WAB]

I have two things and want to give away most of them. What do I do?

 

[bilby]

We have fingertips, but not toetips.
And yet, we can tiptoe, but not tipfinger...

 

[Angry Floof]

but not tipfinger...

Speak for yourself. I tipfinger all the time.

 

[bilby]

but not tipfinger...

Speak for yourself. I tipfinger all the time.

TMI

 

[Atheos]

I wonder if the arachnophobia support group has a website.

 

[Thomas II]

 

[Atheos]

Does anyone know what sliced bread was the best thing since?

 

[James Brown]

And how did hotcakes become the standard unit of measurement for aggressive sales?

 

[ZiprHead]

Considering today is Halloween, I have a question.

How do Aussie kids Trick Or Treat? Doesn't the candy just fall out of those upside down bags?

 

[WAB]

Considering today is Halloween, I have a question.

How do Aussie kids Trick Or Treat? Doesn't the candy just fall out of those upside down bags?

More importantly, those Australian bats actually stand up!

 

[Wiploc]

And how did hotcakes become the standard unit of measurement for aggressive sales?

I assume that hotcake sales are more common--a more universal standard--than land office businesses.

 

[phands]

Why do psychics have to ask your name?

 

[phands]

You don't need a parachute to go skydiving.
You do need a parachute to skydiving twice.

 

[phands]

[FONT=&quot]Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.[/FONT]

 

[Tom Sawyer]

It's sad when entire families have to be ripped apart by something as simple as a pack of wild dogs.

- Jack Handey

 

[Thomas II]

"We used to laugh at Grandpa when he'd head off and go fishing. But we
wouldn't be laughing that evening when he'd come back with some whore he
picked up in town..."

by Jack Handey

 

[Tom Sawyer]

A good one I heard the other day:

"Remember that from everybody's own point of view, they are the most important person in the world. Always be sure to make them feel that way".

Not really all that funny, but still kind of profound.

 

[phands]

[FONT=&quot]When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.[/FONT]

 

[Keith&Co.]

First, we learn to read.
Then we read to learn.

 

[Elixir]

If you plant birdseed it will sprout and grow, but it won't yield any birds.

 

[steve_bank]

Why change your underwear, it just gets dirty all over again.

 

[Keith&Co.]

Without cookies, him just a monster.

 

[mudlark]

Through natural selection, when we kill all the spiders we see, we are only creating spiders who are better at hiding .

 

[ZiprHead]

 

[WAB]

Do cannibals like finger-foods?

 

[ZiprHead]

If Bonespurs wanted Hillary locked up so badly, maybe he should have hired her.

 

[steve_bank]

Something I read on a wall while relieving myself in a urinal. A true life metaphor.

'No matter how much you wiggle and how much you dance, the last few drops will always go down your pants'

 

[Underseer]

Where did the seedless grape come from?

Have you ever found a seed in a banana?

The bananas you buy from the store come from a banana variety that produces no seeds, so it has to be reproduced by cloning techniques (much easier with plants: just cut off the right part and stick it in water).

 

[Underseer]

There is an art, it says, or rather, a knack to flying. The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.
[ent]mdash[/ent]Douglas Adams

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing noise they make as they pass by.
[ent]mdash[/ent]Douglas Adams

My initial response was to sue her for defamation of character, but then I realized that I had no character.
[ent]mdash[/ent]Charles Barkley

Come to think of it, there are already a million monkeys on a million typewriters, and Usenet is NOTHING like Shakespeare.
[ent]mdash[/ent]Blair Houghton

Live and scratch. When you die, the itching stops.
[ent]mdash[/ent]Anonymous Soviet diplomat

Sorry about the above quote. I'm pretty sure I read it in the Air Force Times as a child, but I could be wrong about which publication, and I certainly don't recall the issue number nor the author. I do recall that the author wasn't sure if the above was a common Russian saying, or just something that particular diplomat came up with on his own.

 

[bilby]

Throwing yourself at the ground and missing is more commonly known as 'orbiting' rather than 'flying'.

 

[Atheos]

If "pro" and "con" are opposites then are progress and congress opposites?

 

[ZiprHead]

You really have to hand it to a blind prostitute.

 

[ZiprHead]