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Review of the movie "Noah"

diana

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I haven't seen it yet, but oddly, I'm now curious enough to waste an hour or so of my life on it when it shows up on Netflix someday. Hopefully, that will be after I retire and I'll have a bowl of the good stuff to start me off, too.

From The Matt Walsh Blog--which I'd never heard of before a good friend sent me this link today:

I’m a Christian and I think ‘Noah’ deserves a four star review

That review makes me want to--as a fellow atheist friend wrote on Facebook the other day--"Get roaring drunk, go see it, and curse loudly whenever anything happens."

d
 

SLD

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I saw it and thought it was pretty dumb. I would think a christian wouldn't care for it either as it goes far and away from the biblical story. The movie is an environmental statement, not a religious one. The producers go out of their way to avoid making the movie a religious one. The word god is not mentioned - just creator. The society that is destroyed is a modern technolgoical one that was wiping out nature when the creator decides it must go. Half the story revolves around Noah deciding to wipe out his own family as well as the rest of humanity. His sons do not go on board with wives, but only a barren girl with them. When she turns out pregnant he says he will kill the child if it is female. (Of course)

I would have preferred a fundy christian movie to this one, but it was as if hollywood was going out of its way to avoid all religious context to the story. The story is a religious one. I can handle that as an atheist. The bible has many great stories that could be made into movies. Removing god from them makes it rather patronizing and pathetic.

SLD
 

aeebee50

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Saw it. Action was good, but it did not seem to go with the Bible. Maybe they mixed up different flood stories to make one movie. I was not overly impressed.
 

steve_bnk

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I'll wait to see it on cable.

It is an historical fiction action adventure...like Ben Hur and Gladiator.
 

diana

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I haven't seen the movie, but I'm gathering that none of y'all read the review I linked to.

That was the point of the post.

d
 

dockeen

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I haven't seen it yet, but oddly, I'm now curious enough to waste an hour or so of my life on it when it shows up on Netflix someday. Hopefully, that will be after I retire and I'll have a bowl of the good stuff to start me off, too.

From The Matt Walsh Blog--which I'd never heard of before a good friend sent me this link today:

I’m a Christian and I think ‘Noah’ deserves a four star review

That review makes me want to--as a fellow atheist friend wrote on Facebook the other day--"Get roaring drunk, go see it, and curse loudly whenever anything happens."

d

Read the review, less than half way through I was "looking for the exit".

;)
 

bradw

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I thought it was a poor movie. It didn't move me. I don't want to see it again.

In the same way that I thought The Passion of the Christ was a poor movie. Except I would be embarrassed to be seen watching it. Torture porn.
 

Asha'man

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I would think a christian wouldn't care for it either as it goes far and away from the biblical story. The movie is an environmental statement, not a religious one. The producers go out of their way to avoid making the movie a religious one. The word god is not mentioned - just creator. The society that is destroyed is a modern technolgoical one that was wiping out nature when the creator decides it must go. Half the story revolves around Noah deciding to wipe out his own family as well as the rest of humanity. His sons do not go on board with wives, but only a barren girl with them. When she turns out pregnant he says he will kill the child if it is female. (Of course)

My understanding is that it's a very religious story, but not from the source everybody expects. It's not the Jewish/Christian Bible that provides the source, but Kaballah.

Here's the analysis I read about this interpretation: http://drbrianmattson.com/journal/2014/3/31/sympathy-for-the-devil

This author makes a pretty good argument, but I'm not familiar enough with Kaballa to know if he's correct.
 

Jimmy Higgins

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Sounds like a movie that is about as on story as the film I Robot was.
I'll wait to see it on cable.

It is an historical fiction action adventure...like Ben Hur and Gladiator.
What part is historical?
 

The Paul

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As the rains begin, the Bad Guys make their climactic charge on the boat. We are then treated to an extended sequence of Rock Monsters swatting swarms of drowning people.

Interestingly, only the Main Bad Guy comes up with the clever idea to, you know, go around the Rock Monsters.

The Main Bad Guy’s genius maneuver pays off, and he successfully manages to sneak onto the ark.

Luckily, Noah and crew aren’t forced to make room on the ship for the Rock Monsters, because they’re all ascended into heaven as a reward for kicking a bunch of humans in the head for twenty minutes.

So, I guess it's pretty offensive to Christians that God comes of as kind of a dick in the story about him killing every living thing on the planet.

Sorry, guys, it's your religion.

The rest of the film will now be dedicated to a brooding Noah glumly obsessing over his belief that the Creator wants all human beings to perish — himself and his family included.

What the fuck. Humanity just got exterminated and no one's feeling chipper about it? It's almost like this is a horrifying story of genocide or something.

Shem makes a halfhearted attempt to stop Noah from becoming humanity’s first abortionist, but is easily tossed to the side.

Cute.

Humanity's first abortionist though. 'cause God just killed, like, a million babies.
 

crazyfingers

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My understanding is that it's a very religious story, but not from the source everybody expects. It's not the Jewish/Christian Bible that provides the source, but Kaballah.

Here's the analysis I read about this interpretation: http://drbrianmattson.com/journal/2014/3/31/sympathy-for-the-devil

This author makes a pretty good argument, but I'm not familiar enough with Kaballa to know if he's correct.

Ha. Well, he appears to know his ancient theology. That he's pissed off is even better because in the About section http://drbrianmattson.com/about-me/ on his website he's with the Alliance Defending Freedom, formerly called the Alliance Defense Fund, a radical Christian Right organization.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alliance_Defending_Freedom
http://www.rightwingwatch.org/content/alliance-defense-fund
 

pegasus8

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What a complete waste of $10 bucks!

Sheez! Take Russel, Jennifer and Anthony out of the cast and what do we get? Well we would get an Ark full of magic dust and
animal doo doo!

I did not know that there were coal and oil refineries in the Old Testament. And who does not like cannibal armies and
huge rock creatures? But then call me stupid yet I guess that is how the Ark was built; you know with Angels turned into
monsters made out of rock. Makes total sense to me.

Peace

Pegasus
 

Jimmy Higgins

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Sheez! Take Russel, Jennifer and Anthony out of the cast and what do we get? Well we would get an Ark full of magic dust and
animal doo doo!

I did not know that there were coal and oil refineries in the Old Testament. And who does not like cannibal armies and
huge rock creatures? But then call me stupid yet I guess that is how the Ark was built; you know with Angels turned into
monsters made out of rock. Makes total sense to me.

Peace

Pegasus
Curious, what in the heck were you expecting? You only have yourself to blame for this. And in going to the film, you are telling Hollywood to produce more of that shit. It is all your fault!!! :mad:
 

Keith&Co.

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Wait, what?
You're saying... You're saying that if I go pay money for this movie, Hollywood will continue to mine The Books for story ideas to piss off the religiously smug?

Really.....

Would i have to actually watch the movie, or can i sneak off after the previews?

And where can i suggest story ideas? Stuff like dashing kids' brains out, and setting bears on kids, and someone whose lovers are hung like mules...
Zombies wandering the streets at a prophet's funeral... It's like Twilight, but for zombies!

Moses writing about his own funeral. Just add a Delorean and a clever disguise so he can slip in and take notes.
 

fromderinside

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I’m a Christian and I think ‘Noah’ deserves a four star review

That review makes me want to--as a fellow atheist friend wrote on Facebook the other day--"Get roaring drunk, go see it, and curse loudly whenever anything happens."

d

OK. Met requirements. Read review saw movie first. The movie answers in a kinda biblical way the problems of so few building an Ark, how the animals got there, and how they animals didn't do survival on the Ark.

Cast out angels are cast as builders of ark and given redemption when their task is complete. Stone multi-appendaged Transformers isn't very creative, but, it does keep in line with the biblical proportions of previous movies without having thunderbolts from heaven as the hero's salvation. Emitting a bit of light through the joints is a nice touch which gets validated when they are redeemed as columns of light ascending into the sky.

The animals had begun their journey well before Noah talked to Methuselah and, as we are read, each of these guys lived to be almost 1000 years old and Noah was only 500 when the Creator called on him.

Once on board the animals were given a potion that made them hybenate removing the need for food or policing. Nice touch Creator.

The good-bad schism carried out to the earth and essential needs was graphicly pretty strong stuff. perhaps there should have been more development here.

I was a bit dismayed by the fact that it was Watchers rather than men who took out the evil ones after the rains began and they came to attack the Ark. the symbolism of Noah's actions and those of the evil ones demonstrating brutality could have been expanded to make the plot thicker and more meaningful.

Ham's confusion wasn't really necessary. It would have been more apt if he had acted like Cain. Why suggest redeeming qualities in the one who was to be cast out. But, that's just my prejudice here.

Someone wrote on this thread that the word God was never said in the movie. For that Jon Stewart gives you Ham in the movie Noah:

[video]http://thedailyshow.cc.com/videos/tregza/haters-of-the-lost-ark[/video]

As an an action movie it's way below  Gladiator (2000 film). As a suspending disbelief movie it's even below  Proof of Life . As a narrative movie it's below  Master and Commander . As a religious movie its below  The Insider (film), all Crowe movies (most of his other movies are better). But, as a moralistic story it's way above  The Bible: In the Beginning which stars John Huston as Noah and God which makes it a 'b' movie.

I give Noah a four for concept and three for realization realization movie.
 

pegasus8

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Uh. I was at least expecting some plot that made some form of sense, especially with Crowe and Hopkins!

I went for Russell and Anthony my good man Jimmy Higgins. And I am old enough to have seen all the great Hollywood
Biblical movies. You know like Ben Hur, The Robe, The Greatest Story Ever Told, The Passion of the Christ, etc. Movies
for folks like myself have been and will continue to be an integrated part of life. Both in an intellectual and childhood
interpretation of life vs v film. And as Livy once said " life without art would be a tragedy!" So maybe art and film are
ars gratia artis. But this Noah one smelled like an old mackerel.

I am sure that we both agree that in today's zombie, werewolf, slasher crap passed off for film today we might get
one out of a hundred films that can stand the test to time. One such film of today's crap is a diamond in the ruff, Woody
Allen's brilliant "Blue Jasmine." This movie sir is what makes going to film worth while. Hence my painful suck itady waste of
a time on Noah.

IMO it is usually all about the director and script. I try to see one movie a month. Yet my reading and writing, as you know,
eats up a lot of our time. Every now and again we get a cool flick like "The Conjuring," by James Wan. And JH I am no where
a horror flick person. Especially being dragged to oodles and oodles of slasher films with lady friends. Look how the public
is being told what a great movie " Gravity " is. Again take Sandra Bullock and George Clooney out and you get, IMO, a "B"
grade movie. There is no way in hell to even try to compare "Gravity" to epic milestones like Kubrick's "2001" and 2010!"
So me hopes that you are getting my subtle point. I guess we have to endure 100's of stupid movies just to find that one true
film that makes movie going worth it.

Peace and still searching for that jewel in the ruff till the day I die!

Pegasus
 

Sarpedon

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fromunderinside said:
The animals had begun their journey well before Noah talked to Methuselah
How long did it take the three toed sloths, box turtles, South American land slugs, and freshwater clams?

Such a long, slow journey, and arriving perfectly on time! Like the Mystics in "The Dark Crystal," except much slower, and much farther!

ETA: I estimate 250 years for the Banana Slug, assuming no stops for eating or resting. Also doesn't take into account mountain ranges, and assumes the Bering Landbridge is there. And the banana slug is not the most distant slug.

If god were to notify such far flung species of the impending flood so long in advance, why bother with the flood at all? Surely god could have come up with a different solution if he was willing to spend 250+ years on the flood.
 
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crazyfingers

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How long did it take the three toed sloths, box turtles, South American land slugs, and freshwater clams?

Such a long, slow journey, and arriving perfectly on time! Like the Mystics in "The Dark Crystal," except much slower, and much farther!

ETA: I estimate 250 years for the Banana Slug, assuming no stops for eating or resting. Also doesn't take into account mountain ranges, and assumes the Bering Landbridge is there. And the banana slug is not the most distant slug.

If god were to notify such far flung species of the impending flood so long in advance, why bother with the flood at all? Surely god could have come up with a different solution if he was willing to spend 250+ years on the flood.

Don't you get it? With Magic, anything is possible. Laws of physics don't apply. A slug was just provided with a terrestrial wormhole. Slime one inch and it's a 1357.354 miles exactly.
 

RavenSky

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I have to give them credit, though, for making a movie that has both theists and atheists alike rolling their eyes :D
 

Sarpedon

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Did the movie show things like slugs and beetles heading up the ramp? How about all the different sort of flies? I could imagine noah having a pained conversation with his family, while a pair of banana slugs inch their way up the ramp behind them, with faster animals passing them on the left or something.
 

jonJ

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The animals had begun their journey well before Noah talked to Methuselah and, as we are read, each of these guys lived to be almost 1000 years old and Noah was only 500 when the Creator called on him.

That explains why the dinosaurs didn't make it; they took the short cut through the hungry human regions. And frankly, Russell Crowe doesn't look a day over 450.
 

DBT

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I enjoyed the movie for what it is, a fantasy World disaster Flick.
 
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