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The Dumb Ass Thread

steve_bank

Diabetic retinopathy and poor eyesight. Typos ...
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This morning I cracked an egg, put it in a cup and threw the shell in the garbage can. I cracked the second egg and gropped it in the garbage can instead of the cup.

Is this just me?


Post your moments.
 

Treedbear

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I always follow a printed recipe but just because I measure out the right amount doesn't mean it will end up in the food.
 

DBT

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˙uoıʇdǝɔǝp ɟlǝs ɟo ɯɹoɟ ɐ sı ɥʇıɐℲ
I have looked for something that I was holding in my hand....beat that.
 

ideologyhunter

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I think I can. I was heating up spaghetti sauce in a nice new saucepan at my parents' house, was curious as to the pan's country of origin, and...turned it over to look. I wasn't stoned/lit/missing my glasses, although it was Friday evening after a long week of teaching. I was, simply, exhausted to the bone. When my dad asked how I had spilled so much sauce on the stove top, I decided not to tell him the truth.
 

bigfield

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I burned my fingers pretty badly by ladling stew into a ramekin, while holding the ramekin over the pot because I didn't want to spill any stew on the bench.

When we moved into our house, I didn't know how to prune roses and ended up decapitating three of our roses standard. They're just trunks now, a monument to my absolute departure from common sense.

During a paintball match I hurdled a rope that the staff specifically told us not to hurdle, and spent the next few minutes, um, tactically lying in cover waiting for an opportunity to advance.

I drove to Subway to buy lunch, drove in and then out of the parking lot without even getting out of my car, got back to work, went to get out my car and realised I didn't have a sandwich.
 

Jimmy Higgins

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I have panicked about my keys, while driving my car.
Done the egg thing or an equivalent from the OP.
One night I left the back door to my home open... wide open... the screen and storm doors. It is a miracle we didn't have raccoons the next morning.
On rare occasions while driving my wife's automatic, I panicked about hitting the clutch (my car is a manual, for those that couldn't connect those dots).
I think I can. I was heating up spaghetti sauce in a nice new saucepan at my parents' house, was curious as to the pan's country of origin, and...turned it over to look. I wasn't stoned/lit/missing my glasses, although it was Friday evening after a long week of teaching. I was, simply, exhausted to the bone. When my dad asked how I had spilled so much sauce on the stove top, I decided not to tell him the truth.
I was way overworked, and one night, I made Italian. I wanted Alfredo, my wife just does red sauce. So I make both sauces (her's from a jar, mine from scratch), put the red sauce on her pasta and then pour the remaining red sauce into my Alfredo sauce. It wasn't bad, but it wasn't what I intending on.
 

steve_bank

Diabetic retinopathy and poor eyesight. Typos ...
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Thank ypu, I feel much better now.
 

Loren Pechtel

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I've looked for my glasses--while wearing them. (In front of my eyes, not on my head.)
 

crazyfingers

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Somehow I managed to staple my finger. I got the staple out and while trying to figure out how it happened I stapled myself again.
 

Elixir

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I have looked for something that I was holding in my hand....beat that.

I've done that too, so you are not alone.

Old family story - I was about four, and had my mother, two brothers and a sister looking for my lost cowboy boots.
When my mother finally found them - on my feet - I was so mad I hauled off and kicked her in the shins.
I still lose stuff like that...

I've looked for my glasses--while wearing them. (In front of my eyes, not on my head.)

Your eyes aren't on your head?
Sorry - I can't beat that.
 

Treedbear

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One morning I poured out an exact teaspoon full of milk, and very carefully, without spilling a drop, put it into the jar of instant coffee.

In my defence, I hadn't yet had my coffee.

It's a fact that it's not what you do so much as the order you do things in the order in which you do things.
 

Jimmy Higgins

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I think it is amazing how pre-wired we are when doing stuff we think we are actually actively doing. I drove past the school that I'm supposed to drop my daughter off at simply because I was listening to NPR instead of music, which we usually do. Luckily, I figured it out very quickly and drove back around before my daughter asks, 'What are we doing?'
 

southernhybrid

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I need to share my husband's stupidest act of the week. We went grocery shopping on Wednesday and he unloaded most of the grocery bags. Yesterday, I was taking something out of the freezer and didn't see the ground sirloin or two beef tenderloin steaks that I had picked out, so I asked him what he did with them. All of a sudden he had a look of disaster on his face, ran down stairs to the garage and came back shortly afterwards with a bag that contained the meat in it. "What are you going to do with me?", he asked.

I told him that while I was sad that I wouldn't get to eat the delicious, organically raised meat, I suggested that he take the meat to the very end of our property and see if one of the wild critters might enjoy them, since they can tolerate such things better than we can.

This morning there was no trace of meat where he had left it. My guess is raccoons were the benefactors of this high quality meat, since they frequently sneak into our yard late at night. I don't think the meat was ripe enough for vultures, although they would have certainly enjoyed such a tasty treat.

Those poor little devils will probably never be get to enjoy filet minion and ground sirloin again because I will make sure that all meat is accounted for after our next trip to the grocery store. We spend enough money feeding the wild birds. The raccoons and coyotes are on their own.
 
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