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Truly Irritating Songs

ideologyhunter

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My Top Five -- purely subjective, changeable from day to day, and no doubt omitting some really rancid songs that I've blissfully forgotten. My one criterion: these are songs that are or were once ubiquitous, that would assault you from a store's sound system as you innocently shopped for dog chews or coffee mugs.

1. A Holly Jolly Christmas (Burl Ives, 1964) Oh, my God. Just imagine the years from 1963 backward into BCE , when humanity didn't know this song. It never goes away. I start thinking about it in October, knowing that at some point in mid-November it will reappear. Fuck you, Burl.

2. Linger (The Cranberries, 1993) This one actually is my least favorite song, but I'm presenting the list in time order. I can't explain in specific terms why this song revolts me; it's everything, the melody, the vocal, the repeated phrases. I also hate it because I know it's supposed to have a hypnotic effect on the listener, and I've read the youtube fan comments describing it as a mesmerizing masterwork. Fuck you, Cranberries.

3. Hey Soul Sister (Train, 2009) First of all, the ukelele. The last ukelele should've been buried with Rudy Vallee. (BTW, if it's not a ukelele, it still sounds like one.) Yes, this is just a ditty, but it was so overplayed that it became in time an uncontrollable beast. Fuck you, Train.

4. Honey, I'm Good (Andy Grammer, 2014) I have something good to say about this one: I haven't heard it in a long while. After a good five or six years getting extra play on the FM stations that coffee stations and hair salons tend to feature, it dropped out of sight. This one is a trifecta, like Linger: I hate the melody, the words, and the vocal. Should only be played if middle school students from Wheeling clog dance to it. Fuck you, Andy.

5. Hello (Adele, 2015) This is a hit?? As with Linger, half the reason I hate it is that I sense that other listeners welcome it with ecstatic responses. Also that, like Honey I'm Good, it kept coming at you through the day as you came within listening distance of various businesses' sound systems. And, for a song which is, I guess, about a woman talking to a man who jilted her, she demolishes it with her bellowing. On the chorus lines, it sounds like she's on top of a pyramid hollering to someone on another pyramid. Holy Jesus, Adele, this is why we broke up. You never stopped hollering. And fuck you.

I submit that these songs, with a few other goodies, like Sammy's Candy Man or Afternoon Delight by Starland Vocal Band or nearly any of Whitney's million sellers, if put on a tape loop and played to suspected terrorists or bludgeon murderers, would produce signed confessions in a matter of hours.
 

Keith&Co.

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My Top Five -- purely subjective, changeable from day to day, and no doubt omitting some really rancid songs that I've blissfully forgotten. My one criterion: these are songs that are or were once ubiquitous, that would assault you from a store's sound system as you innocently shopped for dog chews or coffee mugs.

IIRC, Dave Barry ran a survey for this in his column. They got something like a thousand results, and his secretary tallied 11,000 votes against "Watching Scotty Grow." His secretary REALLY hated "Watching Scotty Grow."

But, okay, top 5 songs that will make me drive onto the curb while shifting the radio:

1. Watching Scotty Grow.
2. Cat's in the Cradle
3. Blue
4. Ebony and Ivory
5. ...can i just put 'Anything by Wham!'?
 

Brian63

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Lee Greenwood's "God Bless the USA" - a flagrant mix of Christian nationalism that exploits the false virtue of patriotism (but only for Americans. Patriotism for other countries is never mentioned. Because America is the most super-special favorite country ever in God's eyes.). Nothing but empty words to manipulate the masses. Utterly annoying to listen to, and disturbing in how popular it is.

Mods, can we lock this thread down please? We now have the winner.

Much appreciated.
 

ideologyhunter

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So right about God Bless the USA. We had a street busker in our little burg who did this number for our open-air lunch crowd in the old downtown. It really moves some people -- gets them misty-eyed. I love the line "at least I know I'm free". AT LEAST!!! Yeah, the wages suck because CEOs now want to live like sultans, and we're polluting our streams and tearing down mountains for coal, and the Supreme Court is now in the Stone Age with old-time believin'...but at least I know I'm free. Where's that barf bag?
 

Jimmy Higgins

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Yes - Arriving UFO and Circus of Heaven. OMFG!!! I was actually pondering a concept album built around Arriving UFO to justify its existence. It is awful! Yes is my favorite band ever, but those two songs... on the same album nonetheless make the tracks on Union look like Close to .... okay not that good but maybe 90125 or Big Generator.

Journey - Lovin' Touchin' Squeezin' Oi!

Sting - Shadows in the Rain (Dream of the Blue Turtles remake). Why did he have to go and ruin that song?!

Forgive Me - Asia (John Payne's version). Song about some preacher or mega-church guy getting caught and wanting forgiveness. It is awful and it makes me angry to listen to. It is the only song I've ever not ripped from a CD.
 

Playball40

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My Top Five -- purely subjective, changeable from day to day, and no doubt omitting some really rancid songs that I've blissfully forgotten. My one criterion: these are songs that are or were once ubiquitous, that would assault you from a store's sound system as you innocently shopped for dog chews or coffee mugs.

IIRC, Dave Barry ran a survey for this in his column. They got something like a thousand results, and his secretary tallied 11,000 votes against "Watching Scotty Grow." His secretary REALLY hated "Watching Scotty Grow."

But, okay, top 5 songs that will make me drive onto the curb while shifting the radio:

1. Watching Scotty Grow.
2. Cat's in the Cradle
3. Blue
4. Ebony and Ivory
5. ...can i just put 'Anything by Wham!'?

Cat's in the Cradle??? I love anything Harry Chapin. Why do you hate it?
 

TV and credit cards

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Feliz Navidad - I know, Christmas song. They all blow. This one runs around in my head for days though.

Mony Mony (BI) - I was forced to dance to this in 1989. I'm still traumatized.

Piano Man - Please stop singing me this song.
 

Jimmy Higgins

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Sting - When you Love Someone... I heard this a good deal while working at Marshalls. I do like Sting, but never ever got into that song and really hated it.
 

Cheerful Charlie

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Santa Claus Is Coming To Town - Michael Jackson
A song that every grocery store during the Xmas season seems to love playing too loud on the PA system to torment us.
Crazy Over You - Queen
I truly hate this wretched song.
Me And Bobby McGee - Janis Joplin
Die, song, die!
Any rap coming from a boom box car in my neighborhood.
The garbage from the tinny speakers of the local ice cream truck in my neighborhood.
 

Keith&Co.

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But, okay, top 5 songs that will make me drive onto the curb while shifting the radio:

1. Watching Scotty Grow.
2. Cat's in the Cradle
3. Blue
4. Ebony and Ivory
5. ...can i just put 'Anything by Wham!'?

Cat's in the Cradle??? I love anything Harry Chapin. Why do you hate it?

Not terribly long ago, guards at Gitmo played Barney the Dinosaur's theme song on infinite repeat to break the will of prisoners. Media carried the complaints issued by human rights organizations, but way too many people poo-pooed the concern. "I have kids, yeah, the song's annoying but it's not torture."
These people lack imagination. Any song, even your very favorite one, become monstrous when played too often.
When i was young, and my only music came from a radio, and there was only one station in the valley that wasn't country, some songs were played so goddamned often, quality didn't matter.
They were in my room, showed up in the car, at the pool, in the stores, at the diner, before the movie.
Cradle was one ubiquitous song. I cannot listen to it. I make no claim this has anything to do with the artist, or any sort of music appreciation, it's just one of many songs lodged in my pain center by sheer repetition at a crucial point in my development.

It's not a judgment, it's scar tissue.
 

TV and credit cards

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Santa Claus Is Coming To Town - Michael Jackson
A song that every grocery store during the Xmas season seems to love playing too loud on the PA system to torment us.
Crazy Over You - Queen
I truly hate this wretched song.
Me And Bobby McGee - Janis Joplin
Die, song, die!
Any rap coming from a boom box car in my neighborhood.
The garbage from the tinny speakers of the local ice cream truck in my neighborhood.

Between being in the navy and living in San Diego where ice cream trucks were likely regulated into oblivion or just flat outlawed, I hadn't heard this since my childhood, until I came back to Ohio. A wave of nostalgia swept over me. I kinda like it now. I hope ice cream truck dude didn't get pandemicked out of existence. Oddly enough, where I live now, they will not allow food trucks. A beat up old truck with plenty of freezer space and some strange man that children like to run up to is okay though.
 

bigfield

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Show Me Love by Mobin Master.

Or as I like to think of it, "oh for fuck's sake".
 

atrib

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2. Linger (The Cranberries, 1993) This one actually is my least favorite song, but I'm presenting the list in time order. I can't explain in specific terms why this song revolts me; it's everything, the melody, the vocal, the repeated phrases. I also hate it because I know it's supposed to have a hypnotic effect on the listener, and I've read the youtube fan comments describing it as a mesmerizing masterwork. Fuck you, Cranberries.

I like Linger. I like the whole album. In fact, I am going to listen to it now.
Analog Spark reissue cut from the master tapes that sounds better than my 1993 Island pressing. I would hate it too if I listened to it on Youtube.

20211015_135745 (2) - Copy.jpg
 

ideologyhunter

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Sorry bout that. I had an ox gored, skinned, and filleted here as well, because Janis is one of my faves and Bobby McGee is her best single track -- but someone above loathes it!
 

TSwizzle

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2. Linger (The Cranberries, 1993) This one actually is my least favorite song, but I'm presenting the list in time order. I can't explain in specific terms why this song revolts me; it's everything, the melody, the vocal, the repeated phrases. I also hate it because I know it's supposed to have a hypnotic effect on the listener, and I've read the youtube fan comments describing it as a mesmerizing masterwork. Fuck you, Cranberries..

Zombie is F****g* awful.


Video Killed the Radio Star by The Buggles, an abomination. And Trevor Horn went on to commit many more crimes against music.

Just about anything from Maroon 5 but Payphone is particularly obnoxious.

Monster Mash by Bobby Pickett, dear oh dear.

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun by Cyndi Lauper. Jeezus christ my ears !!!
 

ideologyhunter

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I'll admit it: I hadn't heard Zombie til just recently -- learning who the perpetrators of Linger were, was enough. I did finally play the Zombie video, and her voice is even more annoying here (although the melody to Linger makes it the more vomitous song.) Her little yips at the ends of words act like the picks you open walnuts with -- true brainworms. The only thing like it is MadTV's Mo Collins doing her imitation of Alanis Morisette. I get it that she has fans -- even Whitney, with her endless diva trills, has fans who must think, "Now that's singin'!" But it's such an extreme style, such a panting at emotion, that it's sickening.
 

Tigers!

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Baby Shark - cursed be whoever wrote that.

Irritating, annoying, stupid
 

none

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What about this...NSFW because they say what the f**k...
 

none

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If you survived Noel.... be warned.. no foul language except your own...
 

jab

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Madonna, "Like A Virgin"--like a sea urchin
Madonna, "La Isla Bonita" complete with sea urchins
Madonna, "Having my Baby"
Paul Anka, "Papa, don't Preach"
Diana Ross & the Supremes, "Someday we'll be Together"--oh, no you won't, not ever, and you know it.
Queen, "Another One Bites the Dust"
Alice Cooper, "Only Women Bleed"--but men bite the--dust.
Michael Jackson, "Ben"--a love song to a male rat
The Carpenters, "Close to You"--just like me, they long to puke, hearing you
The Carpenters, "We've Only Just Begun" to hurl
The Carpenters, "Top of the World"--no, by this point in the 1970s, Karen probably wasn't.
The Archies, "Sugar, Sugar"--set a bad bad example for the Carpenters
Tommy James and the Shondells, "Hanky Panky"--oh go, blow your nose with it.
Donna Fargo, "The Happiusht Girl in the Whole U. Esh.. A"--I guess the affected lisp was to make her seem more feminine; or maybe she just
needed a hanky to clear her sinuses.
Dolly Parton, "Jolene"--at least she doesn't lisp, but her concern about Jodeline (4-s yllables thanks to DP's diction which managed to be both
clipped and drawn out) and about Jodeline's sexy looks seems affected
Hank Williams, "Kaw-Liga"--well, Hank, not every one's a winner
 

ZiprHead

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Okay, I'll admit it. I don't like most Dream Theater songs. It's like they're trying to cram as many notes in as they can get until it loses its musicality.
 

Ford

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Since we're approaching the holidays, let me tell you (warn you?) about a horrible, horrible song called "The Christmas Shoes." I will not link to a video, because I would not be the source of your suffering. As I've mentioned before, I used to work in radio, and Christmas songs start popping up on the playlist in late November. There really aren't that many good ones, so when a new one comes out, you at least give it a spin.

This one became very popular. It is a piece of tripe about a kid wanting to buy a pair of shoes for his dying mother so that she can look presentable "if momma meets Jesus tonight." It is saccharine. Meaning that it tries to be sweet, but probably causes cancer if you're exposed to enough of it.

We had a program director who thought it was the greatest thing ever, so we had to play that piece of shit song with increasing frequency as Christmas approached. When he left, a few of us set about to remove any copy of that song from the station. Threw away the CD copy, deleted every instance of it from hard drives, removed it from the music scheduling software, etc.

Then after a brief respite of a couple years, we got a new program director who said "what do you MEAN you're not playing The Christmas Shoes?!" and added it back in.

As a former DJ, I have played more annoying songs than you could imagine. Nothing, and I mean nothing, is as terrible as "The Christmas Shoes."
 

jab

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Good Morning Starshine from the musical Hair. Damn that is horrific with its nonsense lyrics. AARGH!!! It's painful even mentioning it.
The hit recording of this by Oliver is truly unbearable--the original cast version at least occasionally sounds lively, exuberant.
 

southernhybrid

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The Star Spangled Banner! Nothing is more annoying and obnoxious than that horrible anthem.



I had to laugh at the choice of Me and Bobby McGee. I'm not crazy about that song and I'm not a big fan of Janis, but when I lived in Texas that song was very popular and someone in my apartment complex used to play it over and over and over again, so loud that you could hear it a block away. I always think of that time in my life when I hear that song.

I also chuckled at Ebony and Ivory because one of my young Black coworkers and I used to walk around arm in arm singing that song when things were slow at work and we were in a silly mood.

Bah! Humbug! I hate most Xmas songs and it has nothing to do with my atheism. There are far too many annoying songs to list.
 

TV and credit cards

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I remember when I had shore duty at a squadron. Our workspaces in the hanger had walls but no ceiling. So we were like big cubicles. Sound traveled well in the hanger. My next door neighbor in Airframes, she was quite taken by this new song by Whitney Houston, I Will Always Love You. You may be familiar with it. I am. And she... would play it... for all... of us. For all of us.
Excuse me.
Days went by. It wasn't until nearly all of us started singing along she finally capitulated and broke this incessant Whitney loop.
 

DBT

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The Wind beneath my Wings comes to mind.
 
Last edited:
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Madonna, "Like A Virgin"--like a sea urchin
Madonna, "La Isla Bonita" complete with sea urchins
Madonna, "Having my Baby"
Paul Anka, "Papa, don't Preach"
Diana Ross & the Supremes, "Someday we'll be Together"--oh, no you won't, not ever, and you know it.
Queen, "Another One Bites the Dust"
Alice Cooper, "Only Women Bleed"--but men bite the--dust.
Michael Jackson, "Ben"--a love song to a male rat
The Carpenters, "Close to You"--just like me, they long to puke, hearing you
The Carpenters, "We've Only Just Begun" to hurl
The Carpenters, "Top of the World"--no, by this point in the 1970s, Karen probably wasn't.
The Archies, "Sugar, Sugar"--set a bad bad example for the Carpenters
Tommy James and the Shondells, "Hanky Panky"--oh go, blow your nose with it.
Donna Fargo, "The Happiusht Girl in the Whole U. Esh.. A"--I guess the affected lisp was to make her seem more feminine; or maybe she just
needed a hanky to clear her sinuses.
Dolly Parton, "Jolene"--at least she doesn't lisp, but her concern about Jodeline (4-s yllables thanks to DP's diction which managed to be both
clipped and drawn out) and about Jodeline's sexy looks seems affected
Hank Williams, "Kaw-Liga"--well, Hank, not every one's a winner
Remember what Bette Midler said about said about Madonna, "The only thing she'll ever do like a virgin is have a baby in a stable, from an unknown father."

Eldarion Lathria
 

Jimmy Higgins

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Madonna, "Having my Baby"
That's the one! I hated that song so much! I still remember working at Marshalls and hanging up the fixtures to the ceiling and being next to the speaker and wanting to rip the speaker out.... but it'd still be playing in all the others.

Xmas songs in the mix, Paul McCartney's Wonderful Xmas Time is my most hated song of all time, made of nothing but saccharine! And someone has a version of Happy Holidays that I can't stand. But most Xmas music I can't stand anymore, just that stuff really gets under my skin.
 

TSwizzle

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99 Red Balloons is pretty annoying. I heard it for the first time in years yesterday.

Gary Numan "Cars" grates after about 30 seconds
 

jab

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2 more that came out when I was in grade school, a short little boy, whose first name was John:
The first level of hell: Jimmy Dean, "Big Bad John"
The third level of hell: Shelley Fabares, "Johnny Angel"
 
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