Jimmy Higgins
Contributor
- Joined
- Jan 31, 2001
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- Basic Beliefs
- Calvinistic Atheist
The Zoo -- The Animals at the Animal UN could not bridge their differences during a special meeting in which they were attempting to decide whether to save the humans.
The meeting came about after a massive fuel leak occurred in Siberia where it is expected the soil (permafrost) that was supporting the fuel tank had soften and yielded, causing the tank to collapse. Permafrost melting is something that is common is the Arctic as temperatures across the globe continue to increase. The Animal UN believed that several dozen to hundreds of these sites are scattered in the Arctic and 'threaten the wildlife in the Arctic region'.
While the the tank collapse and subsequent fuel leak was the initial reason for the impromptu conference, a larger concern regarding how mankind is changing the planet and themselves appear to be on a "collision with doom". A coalition of rats, pigeons, seagulls (RPS) presented a very strong case for helping the humans from destroying themselves. Their presentation included likely figures indicating that the rat and pigeon populations would dwindle substantially without humans.
"It is simple as this," noted Jonathon, a seagull (not "the seagull") while holding a chart,"our projections indicate our populations will shrink to 2 to 4% of what it currently is without humans, after we pick their bodies apart, of course. Our existence depends on them. The amount of waste they are responsible for can not be reproduced artificially."
Cows and dogs were also aligned with the RPS movement, however, for different reasons. "Whose a good dog... gets eaten out there," noted Wendy a Poodle. "Unlike our domestic cat brethren, we have absolutely no useful wilderness skills left in our brain."
Bessy the Cow noted "Us dairy cows have no recollection what we used to be like millenia ago, without human protection, we'll be a buffet just waiting to be eaten."
However, other animals were not so quick to defend the idea of saving the humans. A loose coalition of tigers, hippos, rhinos, elephants, and egrets (to get to the THERE acronym) were extremely cautious on the concept. "While we feel for our animal brethren," noted Barry, a hippo, "we have an entirely different perspective on the humans. They needlessly hunt and kill us. And it isn't like they are in the wild with just their wits and a gun, no, they get some local guy who needs the money to eat because humans don't care about other humans, to find them the spots that we like to hang out at. Then they use their boom sticks and kill us. What the fuck?!"
"My Hippo companion while a bit graphic is correct," noted Babar, a rhino. "We have witnessed them drain the numbers of all of our species. Some actually use our horns for medicine, like that is established science. Idiots. Without humans to interfere, we can live and increase our numbers."
"You know it isn't that simple," fired back the Cows. "Climate change just doesn't increase the temperature, it changes the climate and we all know that the deserts in Asia and Africa are growing. How long before those mud wallows are empty in the early Summer, well before the rains come back, if they ever do?"
The Marine Mammals, who were part of the commission via Zoom agreed with both RPS and THERE. "While our numbers have stabilized," stated Jonah, a Right Whale, "there is still a substantial threat to underwater life. Human over fishing is decimating the ecology under the water. However, we are already seeing our coral reefs bleaching out due to the increase in the ocean temperature. Our models indicate we could have issues in 50 to 100 years as the water's acidity increases. And we all know that a lifeless ocean is a lifeless planet. For us, we find it hard to choose because saving mankind means risking our lives, where as letting mankind go puts our own existence at risk, many of us will perish before they will."
Despite going late into several nights, there was no consensus to be made between the animals. There was not even an agreement on whether they could even help the humans out if they tried. "It'd be like vaccinations," noted a Hummingbird. "Things will get better and they'll think everything is fine and stop trying to limit CO2 and Methane pollution. For being the smartest species, they are pretty stupid."
What was clear though, from the Reindeer delegation, some sort of action was necessary. The waterways in Siberia were likely going to have more pollution from oil products as the permafrost continues to thaw. "Inaction is not acceptable!" noted Blitzen (unrelated). "The habitats in the arctic are in imminent danger and if we don't stop the humans from killing themselves, we'll perish with them."
The meeting came about after a massive fuel leak occurred in Siberia where it is expected the soil (permafrost) that was supporting the fuel tank had soften and yielded, causing the tank to collapse. Permafrost melting is something that is common is the Arctic as temperatures across the globe continue to increase. The Animal UN believed that several dozen to hundreds of these sites are scattered in the Arctic and 'threaten the wildlife in the Arctic region'.
While the the tank collapse and subsequent fuel leak was the initial reason for the impromptu conference, a larger concern regarding how mankind is changing the planet and themselves appear to be on a "collision with doom". A coalition of rats, pigeons, seagulls (RPS) presented a very strong case for helping the humans from destroying themselves. Their presentation included likely figures indicating that the rat and pigeon populations would dwindle substantially without humans.
"It is simple as this," noted Jonathon, a seagull (not "the seagull") while holding a chart,"our projections indicate our populations will shrink to 2 to 4% of what it currently is without humans, after we pick their bodies apart, of course. Our existence depends on them. The amount of waste they are responsible for can not be reproduced artificially."
Cows and dogs were also aligned with the RPS movement, however, for different reasons. "Whose a good dog... gets eaten out there," noted Wendy a Poodle. "Unlike our domestic cat brethren, we have absolutely no useful wilderness skills left in our brain."
Bessy the Cow noted "Us dairy cows have no recollection what we used to be like millenia ago, without human protection, we'll be a buffet just waiting to be eaten."
However, other animals were not so quick to defend the idea of saving the humans. A loose coalition of tigers, hippos, rhinos, elephants, and egrets (to get to the THERE acronym) were extremely cautious on the concept. "While we feel for our animal brethren," noted Barry, a hippo, "we have an entirely different perspective on the humans. They needlessly hunt and kill us. And it isn't like they are in the wild with just their wits and a gun, no, they get some local guy who needs the money to eat because humans don't care about other humans, to find them the spots that we like to hang out at. Then they use their boom sticks and kill us. What the fuck?!"
"My Hippo companion while a bit graphic is correct," noted Babar, a rhino. "We have witnessed them drain the numbers of all of our species. Some actually use our horns for medicine, like that is established science. Idiots. Without humans to interfere, we can live and increase our numbers."
"You know it isn't that simple," fired back the Cows. "Climate change just doesn't increase the temperature, it changes the climate and we all know that the deserts in Asia and Africa are growing. How long before those mud wallows are empty in the early Summer, well before the rains come back, if they ever do?"
The Marine Mammals, who were part of the commission via Zoom agreed with both RPS and THERE. "While our numbers have stabilized," stated Jonah, a Right Whale, "there is still a substantial threat to underwater life. Human over fishing is decimating the ecology under the water. However, we are already seeing our coral reefs bleaching out due to the increase in the ocean temperature. Our models indicate we could have issues in 50 to 100 years as the water's acidity increases. And we all know that a lifeless ocean is a lifeless planet. For us, we find it hard to choose because saving mankind means risking our lives, where as letting mankind go puts our own existence at risk, many of us will perish before they will."
Despite going late into several nights, there was no consensus to be made between the animals. There was not even an agreement on whether they could even help the humans out if they tried. "It'd be like vaccinations," noted a Hummingbird. "Things will get better and they'll think everything is fine and stop trying to limit CO2 and Methane pollution. For being the smartest species, they are pretty stupid."
What was clear though, from the Reindeer delegation, some sort of action was necessary. The waterways in Siberia were likely going to have more pollution from oil products as the permafrost continues to thaw. "Inaction is not acceptable!" noted Blitzen (unrelated). "The habitats in the arctic are in imminent danger and if we don't stop the humans from killing themselves, we'll perish with them."