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Dow up 500 pts after FDA allows emergency authorization on 'breakthrough' of leeches and Covid-19

Jimmy Higgins

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WASHINGTON DC - The Dow reacted positively today going up 500 points to the announcement from DC that the FDA has authorized an emergency treatment for Covid-19 patients.

The FDA made the announcement in the morning, indicating that the use of leeches "to purify the blood" was now an authorized medical procedure to treat patients with Covid-19.

The White House indicated that $102 billion would be made available from FEMA funds to ramp up leech production in the United States.

President Trump spoke among a small at an airport tarmac about the exciting new breakthrough of leeches on Covid-19. "We've seen some incredibly positive things here, the most positive since ever." The President cited the use of leeches dates back centuries and is easily "the most safest medical treatment ever known."

"We will be leading the planet in leeches," noted the President to cheers form the crowd.
 
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