Feral, herpes-infected monkeys...

[Keith&Co.]

... wreaking havoc in Florida

I shouldn't laugh.

https://nypost.com/2019/12/31/feral-herpes-infected-monkeys-wreaking-havoc-in-florida/

Feral primates capable of spreading deadly herpes are plaguing Floridians and the state’s wildlife, experts complain. And the rhesus macaques’ ranks are growing.

Really shouldn't laugh, people are harmed and all that. But doesn't it sound like a line from Naked Gun? I can actually hear Leslie Nielson delivering this as an aside. A voice-over while he reviews a box of file folders.
"Mark Hernandez, he original detective on the job, had made a lot of progress. But then he took his family to Orlando on a vacation. Got bit in a petting zoo and died of Monkey Herpes. Now it was my case."

 

[Jimmy Higgins]

Oh goodness no.

"He was my partner of 7 years. But we, tragically lost him too soon."
"Was he killed in the line of duty?"
"No, feral monkey herpes he contracted while on vacation in Florida."
*dead pan stare*

 

[Tom Sawyer]

Ya, honey, I got herpes because I was bitten by a feral monkey during my work trip.

 

[Jimmy Higgins]

Ya, honey, I got herpes because I was bitten by a feral monkey during my work trip.

That probably won't fly with Melania in the upcoming divorce trial.

 

[Tom Sawyer]

Ya, honey, I got herpes because I was bitten by a feral monkey during my work trip.

That probably won't fly with Melania in the upcoming divorce trial.

Well, it's not like he'd somehow pass it on to her.

 

[Keith&Co.]

Ya, honey, I got herpes because I was bitten by a feral monkey during my work trip.

That probably won't fly with Melania in the upcoming divorce trial.

Well, it's not like he'd somehow pass it on to her.

Might bite her if she starts to step between him and the camera...

 

[Keith&Co.]

Ya, honey, I got herpes because I was bitten by a feral monkey during my work trip.

That probably won't fly with Melania in the upcoming divorce trial.

Now there's a betting pool.
Trump has an STD. Who else on The Hill suddenly starts getting treated for it?
[_] a. Melania
[_] b. Ivanka
[_] c. Lindsay Graham
[_] d. Guiliani

 

[Jarhyn]

Ya, honey, I got herpes because I was bitten by a feral monkey during my work trip.

That probably won't fly with Melania in the upcoming divorce trial.

Now there's a betting pool.
Trump has an STD. Who else on The Hill suddenly starts getting treated for it?
[_] a. Melania
[_] b. Ivanka
[_] c. Lindsay Graham
[_] d. Guiliani

[X] e. All of the above

 

[Jimmy Higgins]

Ya, honey, I got herpes because I was bitten by a feral monkey during my work trip.

That probably won't fly with Melania in the upcoming divorce trial.

Now there's a betting pool.
Trump has an STD. Who else on The Hill suddenly starts getting treated for it?
[_] a. Melania
[_] b. Ivanka
[_] c. Lindsay Graham
[_] d. Guiliani

It would explain Graham's sudden change in character in 2017.

 

[ZiprHead]

Now there's a betting pool.
Trump has an STD. Who else on The Hill suddenly starts getting treated for it?
[_] a. Melania
[_] b. Ivanka
[_] c. Lindsay Graham
[_] d. Guiliani

It would explain Graham's sudden change in character in 2017.

Huh, and here I thought it was the pictures of him having sex with a sixteen year old boy.

 

[Keith&Co.]

It would explain Graham's sudden change in character in 2017.

But...but he didn't change.
He's a pilot fish. Always swimming around the most powerful fish in the water. It was McCain, now it's Trump. He's one heart-attack away from it being Pence.

 

[ZiprHead]

Any chance we can slip one of those monkeys into the Beast?

 

[Keith&Co.]

Any chance we can slip one of those monkeys into the Beast?

Put it in a little suit to match Bloomberg's from the Debate, name it 'photo opportunity,' and ship it to Mar A Lago.

 

[J842P]

Is this really that hard of a problem to fix? Monkeys don't breed that fast, and it takes them some time to reach reproductive age, so can't we just kill them?

 

[Cheerful Charlie]

They need more Burmese pythons dpwn there. Maybe somebody could arrange a shipment of rabid badgers to Mar-A-Lago.