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President Biden Announces Destruction of OceanGate HQ

Jimmy Higgins

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WASHINGTON DC -- In a short improvised announcement, the President of the United States announced that he had ordered the tactical bombing of the OceanGate HQ in Everett, Washington. He indicated there were "no civilian casualties, in addition to those at the headquarters of course", and that he hoped it sent a message to any other companies "thinking about getting into the submersible vehicle industry". He then winked at the camera and walked off without responding to any questions.

It is unknown whether a military drone was used in the attack or if a fighter jet was. The Press Secretary indicated that the Department of Defense would have a statement shortly. CNN was showing video coverage showing the smoldering ruins of the Headquarters of the company.
 
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