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Professor Pangloss Kills Self After Trump Acquittal

Jimmy Higgins

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BEST OF ALL POSSIBLE WORLDS -- In a letter left behind by Professor Pangloss, he stated that "the last shred of optimism has been stripped from his soul" with the partisan Senate acquittal of President Donald Trump. The former mentor of Candide had made a career of stewardship of Leibnizian philosophy and never regarded a glass ever as half empty, and was even able to see the good side of the passing of Leonard Bernstein. But recent political events in Washington DC had driven him into what he described as inescapable madness in seeing that sometimes things bad acts lead on a "domino effect" of more bad acts, with no optimistic possibilities remotely within view.

The Professor leaves behind his daughter, grandchild, and a mountain of terribly obfuscated conclusions.
 
Also dead -- of a fentanyl overdose -- Virginia, who wrote to The New York Sun back in 1897. Shame that a long, seemingly happy life came to this end. She apparently lost her one big illusion in life. The suicide note simply read, 'No, there ISN'T, cocksucker.'
 
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