ideologyhunter
Contributor
I read a brief reference to St. Ursula and her 11,000 virgins in a Farley Mowat book and had to google her. This is one wild tale. I think Ursula is still a saint, although all the available sources describe her saga as an early Middle Ages legend.
Briefly: Ursula planned a pilgrimage to Rome. She lived in what is now the U.K. Her companions were 11,000 virgins. (British friends: would there have been 11,000 virgins on the island, in about 400 CE? Are there 11,000 virgins now?) They sailed with miraculous speed, although, if these horny handmaidens were behaving like most brides' parties invitees, the crew probably wanted to get them off the ship ASAP. They probably spent a fortune on penis-shaped party favors and hand-carved elk horn vibrators.
They met with the Pope (skip -- boring) and decided to return by way of Cologne (which I don't get, at all.) They got to Cologne, only to find it besieged by Huns. The Huns decided not to capture and make whores of the virgins (which is the Biblical course), but to behead them (which I don't get -- didn't these Huns get their freak on? Hun friends: were there gay Huns back then? Enough to make a Dick Army?) Midway through the slaughter, the Hun leader offered to stop if Ursula would marry him (here's at least one hetero, or maybe he needed someone to cook his groats.) Typically, with these boring martyrs, she said no, and was killed with an arrow.
Cathechism lesson of the day: venerate St. Ursula. You too can be a saint if you lead 11,000 virgins into an ambush and let everyone be slaughtered to preserve your purity.
Briefly: Ursula planned a pilgrimage to Rome. She lived in what is now the U.K. Her companions were 11,000 virgins. (British friends: would there have been 11,000 virgins on the island, in about 400 CE? Are there 11,000 virgins now?) They sailed with miraculous speed, although, if these horny handmaidens were behaving like most brides' parties invitees, the crew probably wanted to get them off the ship ASAP. They probably spent a fortune on penis-shaped party favors and hand-carved elk horn vibrators.
They met with the Pope (skip -- boring) and decided to return by way of Cologne (which I don't get, at all.) They got to Cologne, only to find it besieged by Huns. The Huns decided not to capture and make whores of the virgins (which is the Biblical course), but to behead them (which I don't get -- didn't these Huns get their freak on? Hun friends: were there gay Huns back then? Enough to make a Dick Army?) Midway through the slaughter, the Hun leader offered to stop if Ursula would marry him (here's at least one hetero, or maybe he needed someone to cook his groats.) Typically, with these boring martyrs, she said no, and was killed with an arrow.
Cathechism lesson of the day: venerate St. Ursula. You too can be a saint if you lead 11,000 virgins into an ambush and let everyone be slaughtered to preserve your purity.
