sexual misconduct, buddhism and gay culture

[tantric]

buddhists are enjoined to avoid 'sexual misconduct', which seems to mean different things in different cultures. i'm having some difficulty adapting that to how life works as a gay man. mostly i go by the fourteen precepts of engaged buddhism, which has this to say:

Do not mistreat your body. Learn to handle it with respect. Do not look on your body as only an instrument. Preserve vital energies (sexual, breath, spirit) for the realisation of the Way. (For brothers and sisters who are not monks and nuns Sexual expression should not take place without love and commitment. In sexual relations, be aware of future suffering that may be caused. To preserve the happiness of others, respect the rights and commitments of others. Be fully aware of the responsibility of bringing new lives into the world. Meditate on the world into which you are bringing new beings.

after a long dry spell, i broke down and agreed to a hookup. didn't go well - i couldn't go through with it. despite this being a couple with a rugged dominant older guy and cute, younger sub, and them wanting me in the middle. this may make no sense to straight folk, but for a complicated guy like me, being able to be dominant and submissive at the same time is just intoxicating, like leaning against a cold stone wall on a hot summer day. when i feel something like that, then the next day its just gone, it fuckin hurts. either casual sex isn't fun cause i'm not into it, or i'm into it and it sucks when it gets yanked away. and no, it *never* turns into a friendship.

so i changed my profiles to say i don't do casual sex. i'm 42, i may never get laid again. thoughts?

 

[fromderinside]

buddhists are enjoined to avoid 'sexual misconduct', which seems to mean different things in different cultures. i'm having some difficulty adapting that to how life works as a gay man. mostly i go by the fourteen precepts of engaged buddhism, which has this to say:

Do not mistreat your body. Learn to handle it with respect. Do not look on your body as only an instrument. Preserve vital energies (sexual, breath, spirit) for the realisation of the Way. (For brothers and sisters who are not monks and nuns Sexual expression should not take place without love and commitment. In sexual relations, be aware of future suffering that may be caused. To preserve the happiness of others, respect the rights and commitments of others. Be fully aware of the responsibility of bringing new lives into the world. Meditate on the world into which you are bringing new beings.

after a long dry spell, i broke down and agreed to a hookup. didn't go well - i couldn't go through with it. despite this being a couple with a rugged dominant older guy and cute, younger sub, and them wanting me in the middle. this may make no sense to straight folk, but for a complicated guy like me, being able to be dominant and submissive at the same time is just intoxicating, like leaning against a cold stone wall on a hot summer day. when i feel something like that, then the next day its just gone, it fuckin hurts. either casual sex isn't fun cause i'm not into it, or i'm into it and it sucks when it gets yanked away. and no, it *never* turns into a friendship.

so i changed my profiles to say i don't do casual sex. i'm 42, i may never get laid again. thoughts?

You'll start again tonight in the bathroom. Don't worry about that laid again thingie. Its evitable.

 

[tantric]

i almost never j/o. many times when i do, i don't do it to orgasm. i've found two things about that: one is that if you stay aroused but don't cum you walk around with testosterone poisoning all the time, which is no good. another is that if you never j/o eventually you loose interest in sex. i don't want either of those, even though i try to conserve my energies.