Jimmy Higgins
Contributor
- Joined
- Jan 31, 2001
- Messages
- 44,164
- Basic Beliefs
- Calvinistic Atheist
Tarkin: Princess Leia, before your execution I would like you to be my guest at a ceremony that will make this battle station operational. No star system will dare oppose the Emperor now.
Princess Leia: Didn't you already lay waste to Scarif?
Tarkin: What now?
Leia: The more you tighten your grip, Tarkin, the more star systems will slip through your fingers.
Tarkin: Not after we demonstrate the power of this station. In a way, you have determined the choice of the planet that'll be destroyed first. Since you are reluctant to provide us with the location of the Rebel base, I
have chosen to test this station's destructive power... on your home planet of Alderaan.
Leia: No! Alderaan is peaceful. We have no weapons. You can't possibly...
Tarkin: You would prefer another target? A military target? Then name the system!
Leia: *pauses* Dantooine.
Tarkin: See Vader, I told you she could be reasonable. You may fire when ready.
Leia: What?
Tarkin: You're far too trusting. Dantooine is too remote to make an effective demonstration. But don't worry. We will deal with your Rebel friends soon enough.
Leia: No!
*A button is pressed which switches on a panel of lights. A hooded Imperial soldier reaches overhead and pulls a lever. Another lever is pulled. Vader reaches for still another lever and a bank of lights on a panel and wall light up. A huge beam of light emanates from within a cone-shaped area and converges into a single laser beam out toward the general direction of Alderaan.*
Gunner Sergeant: Aw shit.
Tarkin: What?!
Gunner Sergeant: We missed sir.
Tarkin: Miss? It's Alderan... how do you miss a planet?
Gunner Sergeant: I think.... I think the planet skipped or something.
Tarkin: Never mind, commence attack again.
*A button is pressed which switches on a panel of lights. A hooded Imperial soldier reaches overhead and pulls a lever. Another lever is pulled. Vader reaches for still another lever and a bank of lights on a panel and wall light up. A huge beam of light emanates from within a cone-shaped area and converges into a single laser beam momentarily... then all the lights go out*
Tarkin: What... what happened?
Watch Commander: I'm getting reports that power in the station has gone out.
Vader: *rolls his eyes* Ouch... I forgot it hurts when I do that.
Watch Commander: Say again... you blew a fuse?
Tarkin: What now?!
Watch Commander: Reports indicate we blew a fuse.
Tarkin: Well then replace the fuse, and recommence the attack!
Watch Commander: Aye sir. Dudley, get that fuse replaced, so we can try again.
*Low level worker is shown going to a fuse board with a standby fuse. He looks at the board and pulls out the blown fuse and replaces it with a new one.*
*Lights turn back on*
Watch Commander: Yes, I can confirm, we have power back to. Gunner Sergeant, recommence the attack.
Gunner Sergeant: Double check the coordinates you imbeciles. And let's get this right!
*A button is pressed which switches on a panel of lights. A hooded Imperial soldier reaches overhead and pulls a lever. Another lever is pulled. Vader reaches for still another lever and a bank of lights on a panel and wall light up. A huge beam of light emanates from within a cone-shaped area and converges into a single laser beam out toward the general direction of Alderaan, however a duck intercepts the laser beam and beam disintegrates the duck.*
Gunner Sergeant: Direct hit! Wait... no...
Tarkin: Now what?
Gunner Sergeant: Tracking was perfect, but the beam hit a passing by duck.
Tarkin: In space?
Leia: *Looks at her watch.*
Tarkin: Do you have somewhere else to be?
Leia: Well, at this point, I might prefer the floating torture ball thing.
Tarkin: Gunner, if you don't hit the planet this time, I'm to have Vader do his chokey thing on you. Now recommence the attack.
Gunner Sergeant: Come on, let's blow that planet up this time, or I get chokey'd by Vader.
*A button is pressed which switches on a panel of lights. A hooded Imperial soldier reaches overhead and pulls a lever. Another lever is pulled. A huge beam of light emanates from within a cone-shaped area and converges into a single laser beam out toward the direction of Alderaan.*
Gunner Sergeant: Oh fuck. *covers his throat*
Tarkin: We missed the planet again?
Gunner Sergeant: Kind of sir, we only managed to graze the planet.
Tarkin: What did we hit?
Gunner Sergeant: It appears to be a hair and nail salon.
Tarkin: Did we do any damage at least?
Gunner Sergeant: No, but we did knock out their Wi-Fi...
Tarkin: Well I gu...
Gunner Sergeant: Wait no... it's back on.
Tarkin: Vader, kill him!
Vader: Yes sir. Wait... wait... this one might be on me. I forgot to pull that lever. That's my fault.
Tarkin: *vein visibly popping out on forehead* If we don't blow this planet up on the next try, I'm going to order the self destruction of this ship. Now blow that damn planet up.
Gunner Sergeant: Yes si..... *whistle goes off*
*All the staff get up from chairs and start walking out*
Tarkin: Wait... what is this?!
Watch Commander: End of the watch sir.
Tarkin: There is no end of the watc... Hey! Get back here Vader!
Tarkin: There is no end of the watch while engagng in a political terror attack.
Watch Commander: Them be the Union rules. 6 hour shifts, no shorter, no longer. That clock turns 1800, we are out. If you want to file a grievance...
Tarkin: Choke him Vader.
Vader: Well, he is right, we are supposed to abide by the Union rules...
*zoom out to show Death Star floating in space*
Tarkin: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
*On the Millenium Falcon*
Obi Wan: Winces.
Luke Skywalker: Are you okay, what is wrong?
Obi Wan: There was a great disturbance in the Force, as if one person were uttering millions of curses all at the same time.
Princess Leia: Didn't you already lay waste to Scarif?
Tarkin: What now?
Leia: The more you tighten your grip, Tarkin, the more star systems will slip through your fingers.
Tarkin: Not after we demonstrate the power of this station. In a way, you have determined the choice of the planet that'll be destroyed first. Since you are reluctant to provide us with the location of the Rebel base, I
have chosen to test this station's destructive power... on your home planet of Alderaan.
Leia: No! Alderaan is peaceful. We have no weapons. You can't possibly...
Tarkin: You would prefer another target? A military target? Then name the system!
Leia: *pauses* Dantooine.
Tarkin: See Vader, I told you she could be reasonable. You may fire when ready.
Leia: What?
Tarkin: You're far too trusting. Dantooine is too remote to make an effective demonstration. But don't worry. We will deal with your Rebel friends soon enough.
Leia: No!
*A button is pressed which switches on a panel of lights. A hooded Imperial soldier reaches overhead and pulls a lever. Another lever is pulled. Vader reaches for still another lever and a bank of lights on a panel and wall light up. A huge beam of light emanates from within a cone-shaped area and converges into a single laser beam out toward the general direction of Alderaan.*
Gunner Sergeant: Aw shit.
Tarkin: What?!
Gunner Sergeant: We missed sir.
Tarkin: Miss? It's Alderan... how do you miss a planet?
Gunner Sergeant: I think.... I think the planet skipped or something.
Tarkin: Never mind, commence attack again.
*A button is pressed which switches on a panel of lights. A hooded Imperial soldier reaches overhead and pulls a lever. Another lever is pulled. Vader reaches for still another lever and a bank of lights on a panel and wall light up. A huge beam of light emanates from within a cone-shaped area and converges into a single laser beam momentarily... then all the lights go out*
Tarkin: What... what happened?
Watch Commander: I'm getting reports that power in the station has gone out.
Vader: *rolls his eyes* Ouch... I forgot it hurts when I do that.
Watch Commander: Say again... you blew a fuse?
Tarkin: What now?!
Watch Commander: Reports indicate we blew a fuse.
Tarkin: Well then replace the fuse, and recommence the attack!
Watch Commander: Aye sir. Dudley, get that fuse replaced, so we can try again.
*Low level worker is shown going to a fuse board with a standby fuse. He looks at the board and pulls out the blown fuse and replaces it with a new one.*
*Lights turn back on*
Watch Commander: Yes, I can confirm, we have power back to. Gunner Sergeant, recommence the attack.
Gunner Sergeant: Double check the coordinates you imbeciles. And let's get this right!
*A button is pressed which switches on a panel of lights. A hooded Imperial soldier reaches overhead and pulls a lever. Another lever is pulled. Vader reaches for still another lever and a bank of lights on a panel and wall light up. A huge beam of light emanates from within a cone-shaped area and converges into a single laser beam out toward the general direction of Alderaan, however a duck intercepts the laser beam and beam disintegrates the duck.*
Gunner Sergeant: Direct hit! Wait... no...
Tarkin: Now what?
Gunner Sergeant: Tracking was perfect, but the beam hit a passing by duck.
Tarkin: In space?
Leia: *Looks at her watch.*
Tarkin: Do you have somewhere else to be?
Leia: Well, at this point, I might prefer the floating torture ball thing.
Tarkin: Gunner, if you don't hit the planet this time, I'm to have Vader do his chokey thing on you. Now recommence the attack.
Gunner Sergeant: Come on, let's blow that planet up this time, or I get chokey'd by Vader.
*A button is pressed which switches on a panel of lights. A hooded Imperial soldier reaches overhead and pulls a lever. Another lever is pulled. A huge beam of light emanates from within a cone-shaped area and converges into a single laser beam out toward the direction of Alderaan.*
Gunner Sergeant: Oh fuck. *covers his throat*
Tarkin: We missed the planet again?
Gunner Sergeant: Kind of sir, we only managed to graze the planet.
Tarkin: What did we hit?
Gunner Sergeant: It appears to be a hair and nail salon.
Tarkin: Did we do any damage at least?
Gunner Sergeant: No, but we did knock out their Wi-Fi...
Tarkin: Well I gu...
Gunner Sergeant: Wait no... it's back on.
Tarkin: Vader, kill him!
Vader: Yes sir. Wait... wait... this one might be on me. I forgot to pull that lever. That's my fault.
Tarkin: *vein visibly popping out on forehead* If we don't blow this planet up on the next try, I'm going to order the self destruction of this ship. Now blow that damn planet up.
Gunner Sergeant: Yes si..... *whistle goes off*
*All the staff get up from chairs and start walking out*
Tarkin: Wait... what is this?!
Watch Commander: End of the watch sir.
Tarkin: There is no end of the watc... Hey! Get back here Vader!
Tarkin: There is no end of the watch while engagng in a political terror attack.
Watch Commander: Them be the Union rules. 6 hour shifts, no shorter, no longer. That clock turns 1800, we are out. If you want to file a grievance...
Tarkin: Choke him Vader.
Vader: Well, he is right, we are supposed to abide by the Union rules...
*zoom out to show Death Star floating in space*
Tarkin: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
*On the Millenium Falcon*
Obi Wan: Winces.
Luke Skywalker: Are you okay, what is wrong?
Obi Wan: There was a great disturbance in the Force, as if one person were uttering millions of curses all at the same time.