Stuff Jesus Didn't Get Around to Saying

[ideologyhunter]

(Or that didn't get reported):
1. Ye shall never harm or kill another for what he believes or does not believe. For faith is of the spirit, and flesh is flesh. And ye who break this rule are no part of me, nor ever were. Ye shall surely be sent to hell, in the place of those ye harm.

 

[C_Mucius_Scaevola]

"If a man putteth his penis into another man, and the other man be not troubled thereby, and he doeth it not in public, it is none of thy fucking business. Let he who liketh it not, not look thereon if he wish not, for hath the LORD not given us eyes to close and backs to turn?"

"Thou shalt not make a slave of thy fellow man, for are we not all Children of the LORD? And as thou wouldst not enslave the children of thine earthly father, so also the children of thy Heavenly Father."

 

[T.G.G. Moogly]

"Who's the leader of the club that's made for you and me? J - E - S, U -S - C, H - R - I - S - T!"

 

[jonJ]

"You'd better watch carefully how I do all these miracles, because when I'm gone you'll have to do them yourselves."

 

[Keith&Co.]

I want the addendum where he explains that if he proves to ME that he exists, and he is divine, that makes me into a robot. But it was okay when he cast miracles to amaze and convince his disciples.

 

[Tom Sawyer]

PSYCH!!!!!

Ha! I got you guys! You totally thought I was some kind of god, didn't you?

 

[jonJ]

"Now, the really important thing to remember, when you're being crucified like this, is not to..."

 

[Questions]

From the cross:
"Don't cry Mary. I can see the whole town from up here."

 

[Clivedurdle]

Drink Coca Cola

 

[Thomas II]

 

[Selsaral]

Always look on the bright side of life.


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[braces_for_impact]

"That whole slavery thing I said was cool a few hundred years ago? Yeah stop that shit right now and never own anyone ever again. I actually find this even more of an abomination than shrimp."

- - - Updated - - -

Also, "Quit washing your feet all the damn time and try washing your fucking hands once in awhile you filthy fucks. You'd be amazed how many lives this would save."

 

[ideologyhunter]

Tomorrow is a mystery. Yesterday is history. We have only today, which is a gift, which is why we call it the present.
Oh wait, that's from Kung Fu Panda.

 

[Draconis]

When Mary crashed her car (donkey?) - "Me!"

Oh, by the way, when I cut myself I noticed that I didn't bleed, instead I was made of an infinite supply of strange white papery stuff that people can eat.