Jimmy Higgins
Contributor
- Joined
- Jan 31, 2001
- Messages
- 44,248
- Basic Beliefs
- Calvinistic Atheist
Okay, so there is this snowman, built by a bunch of poor impoverished children who can't afford pants or coats. One can't even talk properly despite still being in presumably the first to third grade. Said snowman gets a hat from a crappy magician on his head and he magically turns to life.
Magician sees this and thinks his hat is really magic and wants his hat back, instead of kicking the children off the field and walking with the snowman to discuss a show in which is he can sell tickets to in order to see a real talking snow man. That'd make him real rich, real easily, as clearly the magic wasn't working. But no, he wants his hat back, so he can... I don't know... make money like an underwear gnome.
Rabbit in hat goes back to snowman, who comes back to life. Guy can't count past five or know what a lamp post is, but understands the purpose of thermometers, the melting process, and global geography (North Pole). Yeah, whatever.
They go to a train station to get a ticket to the North Pole... on a train that goes from Hudson Bay to Nome, Alaska?! Are you nuts?! What the heck type railroad goes to the North Pole by going due west for thousand plus miles?! taking them through the Rocky Mountains. Of course, they can't afford the ticket, still being a rather pricey $3000.
So they sneak onto a train with ice cream and frozen cakes because... I don't know, they think that must go where they want it. Karen, the only child with a name, goes along Frosty, presuming that a trip to the North Pole won't take more than an hour or so, suggesting maybe that is a special needs school. But life is tough for Karen on the train because it is below freezing... kind of like how it was when they we playing outside and she had no pants on at all. But this matters, so Frosty, who knows who Santa Claus is, the American system of government, and the US military... decides Karen is better off outside in the wind and freezing cold, a long way from anywhere. They also leave the magician for dead after he fell from train.
Things go to hell after Frosty goes into tropical nursery (where he shows awareness for weight problems) and the magician, who survived his ordeal locks them in and he melts. Luckily the rabbit gets Santa, who's got nothing better to do Christmas Eve than to go to a tropical nursery, resurrect Frosty like Jesus did Lazarus by opening a door and threatening the magician who presumably dies of exposure in the middle of the woods. Karen returns home after Santa drops her off on the fucking roof of the house! And with parents that aren't going to believe what she is about to tell them.
Frosty goes to the North Pole with Santa, after presumably being all across the planet where the temperature is much warmer than 32 degrees, to... well, they don't go into those details. Is he a slave like the elves? Regardless, he says he'll be back on Xmas day for some reason. The people who wrote this must have been from Minnesota where the temperature never goes above absolute zero.
Magician sees this and thinks his hat is really magic and wants his hat back, instead of kicking the children off the field and walking with the snowman to discuss a show in which is he can sell tickets to in order to see a real talking snow man. That'd make him real rich, real easily, as clearly the magic wasn't working. But no, he wants his hat back, so he can... I don't know... make money like an underwear gnome.
Rabbit in hat goes back to snowman, who comes back to life. Guy can't count past five or know what a lamp post is, but understands the purpose of thermometers, the melting process, and global geography (North Pole). Yeah, whatever.
They go to a train station to get a ticket to the North Pole... on a train that goes from Hudson Bay to Nome, Alaska?! Are you nuts?! What the heck type railroad goes to the North Pole by going due west for thousand plus miles?! taking them through the Rocky Mountains. Of course, they can't afford the ticket, still being a rather pricey $3000.
So they sneak onto a train with ice cream and frozen cakes because... I don't know, they think that must go where they want it. Karen, the only child with a name, goes along Frosty, presuming that a trip to the North Pole won't take more than an hour or so, suggesting maybe that is a special needs school. But life is tough for Karen on the train because it is below freezing... kind of like how it was when they we playing outside and she had no pants on at all. But this matters, so Frosty, who knows who Santa Claus is, the American system of government, and the US military... decides Karen is better off outside in the wind and freezing cold, a long way from anywhere. They also leave the magician for dead after he fell from train.
Things go to hell after Frosty goes into tropical nursery (where he shows awareness for weight problems) and the magician, who survived his ordeal locks them in and he melts. Luckily the rabbit gets Santa, who's got nothing better to do Christmas Eve than to go to a tropical nursery, resurrect Frosty like Jesus did Lazarus by opening a door and threatening the magician who presumably dies of exposure in the middle of the woods. Karen returns home after Santa drops her off on the fucking roof of the house! And with parents that aren't going to believe what she is about to tell them.
Frosty goes to the North Pole with Santa, after presumably being all across the planet where the temperature is much warmer than 32 degrees, to... well, they don't go into those details. Is he a slave like the elves? Regardless, he says he'll be back on Xmas day for some reason. The people who wrote this must have been from Minnesota where the temperature never goes above absolute zero.