THE Evolution Thread (Simplified, Take 4)

[pood]

Internet Rando With Wackaloon Ideas Somehow Thinks He Teacher

IIDB (Internet News Service) — An area internet rando with wackaloon ideas somehow thinks he’s a teacher, sources confirmed late Tuesday.

“It’s rather pathetic,” said a source close to the rando, who requested anonymity because of the delicacy of the subject. “One day he started a thread at the Internet Infidels Message Board entitled, ‘THE Evolution Thread.’ After submitting his opening post, he leaned back in his chair, snickered, briskly rubbed his hands together and said, ‘That will show them.’”

The source confirmed that the rando, who goes by the user name DLH, pitched a fit after his claims were met with negative feedback. Among those claims were that an ancient mythical war god created the world, that species don’t evolve, and that twats should piss off.

“I’m the teacher and this is my classroom!” the rando violently typed into his keyboard on a computer created by the science that the rando attacked. In frustration, he then broke a ruler over the knuckles of his own fingers and burst into tears.

At press time the rando was obsessively starting multiple new threads on the same subject in a desperate search for attention and validation.

 

[pood]

Internet Classes Form Betting Pool on When Teacher Will Totally Lose Shit

IIDB (Internet News Service) — Internet classes on evolution currently being taught by an internet rando who denies evolution have formed a betting pool on when the teacher, who has already exhibited several temperamental outbursts, will totally lose his shit.

“When he told me to ‘Piss off, twat,’ I thought that was pretty neat, that he was about to totally lose his shit,” said ideologyhunter, a student of the teacher, DLH. “But the he slipped out of that class and started a new class on the same subject in a different thread, and we are all like, ‘WTF is up with that?’”

Classmates agreed that what they were all waiting for was a classic CAPSLOCK OUTBURST in which all of them were condemned in the strongest possible terms by the teacher, with the teacher then breaking stuff, deleting his account, and stalking off never to return.

“I mean, look, when he wrote, “Nay sayers. Haters! Gollum! Gollum! They hates us. Give 'em a round of applause. Excellent. Who cares and why?’ in response to my simple question about macroevolution, we were all pretty sure that he was on the verge of totally losing his shit,” said another student, excreationist. “The obvious next step would have been for him to lock his caps and scream at us ‘YOU ARE ALL GOING TO BURN IN HELL FOREVER AND EVER!” but he didn’t do it, to our disappointment.”

Internet analysts monitoring the class noted that after DLH had assigned homework to his students — to demonstrate evidence for macroevolution — and the assignment was successfully completed by NoHolyCows and others, the teacher blew some of his shit but didn’t totally lose his shit.

“He was right there on the knife edge of totally losing his shit, but somehow he kept some of it,” noted Morris Dudley, an internet tracker with the prestigious RAND corporation. “So, right now, the betting pot is growing. I think I’ll even get in on it.”

At press time, DLH was reportedly locking and loading his CAPS.

 

[ideologyhunter]

from George Carlin's 'reading the news' bit, 1970s:
"A man has barricaded himself inside of his house. However, he is not armed, and no one is paying attention to him."

 

[DLH]

Look how powerful I have become! I love you guys.

 

[ideologyhunter]

Look how powerful I have become! I love you guys.

Sorry, Sarah Palin already copyrighted that statement.

 

[DLH]

Look how powerful I have become! I love you guys.

Sorry, Sarah Palin already copyrighted that statement.

She did?! Hmmm. I'm might have to start paying more attention to politics if I'm going to incorporate the bovine excrement to such an extreme.