Matrimonial ad for gay son --- but discriminatory?

[hinduwoman]

A mother placed a matrimonial ad in a newspaper for her gay son, but also mentioned that she would prefer a groom of their own caste. So fierce debates whether this is actually liberal or not!

http://www.theshillongtimes.com/201...vestisements-for-gay-son-stirs-lively-debate/

When Mumbai-based Harish Iyer’s mother Padma placed a matrimonial advertisement in a Mumbai tabloid for her gay son, she never thought it would generate a debate across and outside the country.
Dubbed the first gay matrimonial ad in India, Padma was able to get it published only after being rejected by a few leading dailies.
Iyer, a well-known gay activist, was shocked when the ad was turned down by some mainstream newspapers, which he felt always covered LGBT issues extensively and stood with them on many an occasion.
The ad reads: “Seeking 25-40, well-placed, animal-loving, vegetarian groom for my son 36, 5 11′ who works with an NGO caste no bar (though Iyer preferred).
“Speaking to IANS, Iyer said, “The decision to place the ad came after a series of discussions between my mother and grandmother since they want me to settle down. I did not want a separate matrimonial section for the gay community. It came as a shock when newspapers I approached turned down the advertisement. It is shameful to see the Fourth Estate, which professes equality and human rights, behaves this way.”
A few newspapers also told Iyer that they would publish the ad if he changed “groom” to “life partner”, which he refused to do.
...
If the ad itself generated debate, the preference for an ‘Iyer groom’ led to a more complex caste debate.
Iyers are an upper-caste community of Tamil Brahmins. Iyer earned more brickbats than bouquets for the ‘Iyer’ preference in the ad
...
Taking the debate further, Rituparna Borah, a feminist queer activist, argued that casteism poses a big challenge for the gay movement.
“Caste preference defeats the purpose of the ad, which is a progressive step from the mother of a gay son. Patriarchy works in such a way that one has to challenge it. Iyer is a known figure and people look up to him. Hope he is not setting a bad precedent,” said Borah.Menon backed this view.
“It is easy to say that his mother wanted it. Coming from a progressive family, Harish could have challenged the caste part,” Menon maintained.
However, Pallav Patankar, a gay activist, believed that the caste issue has been blown out of proportion. Extending support to “Padma aunty”, as she is fondly referred to, Patankar told IANS: “She wasn’t trying to project herself as an intellectual; she acted like any other mom.

I am now confused as well.
My problem is I was seeing this ad as perfectly legitimate matrimonial ad --- just like thousands of others for middle class heterosexual couples. That it mentions caste preference is precisely what makes it 'normal'

 

[Tom Sawyer]

So, a mother wants a rich husband for her kid?

That's unheard of. I say we burn her.

 

[zorq]

I think the caste system is breaking down a little bit in india lately. Some individuals from lower castes are starting to have more money than individuals from upper castes.
So it isn't just about money or success.

I think the big deal that this article is makeing is that the cast discrimination in the ad is more similar to a racist discrimination than a "must love dogs" sort of discrimination.

As an analogy, consider:
"Open minded social activist liberal wanted for my gay son. Negros and atheists need not apply."

 

[Metaphor]

She just wants her son to have a happy sex life. You can't very well have that if you get an 'Untouchable' for a husband, can you?

 

[Keith&Co.]

I don't thing 'preferred' is discriminatory.

My grandmother might have put it 'blacks and Catholics need not apply,' which would be.

 

[Rhea]

I do appreciate the background of the "normalcy" of the gay marriage when caste is the thing people are complaining about. Kind of a Good Thing, right? Baby steps.

 

[hinduwoman]

The ad says 'çaste no bar' not that other castes need not apply. But since this is an arranged marriage (if it pans out) , all other things being equal preference would be given to Iyer.

 

[hinduwoman]

I do appreciate the background of the "normalcy" of the gay marriage when caste is the thing people are complaining about. Kind of a Good Thing, right? Baby steps.

That is what I felt. You cannot expect all facets to change overnight. As one of the activists says the mother is not trying to be an 'intellectual' (code for showing off that she has enlightened values like the white man and is not like the rest of ignorant Indians living in dark ages)

 

[Jolly_Penguin]

Is it really wrong to seek a mate of a particular race or ethnicity or religion, etc? Every dating site I have ever seen has a search by race function and many have a search by religion function. If a guy has a special attraction to Asian women, or if a girl has a special attraction to Latino men.... this is a big issue? Is it wrong to seek out a mate that shares your religion? Why would caste be so different?