ideologyhunter
Contributor
Gen 1:26 And God said, let us make humans. They will be like us and resemble us.
Ex. 29:18 Ye shall burn the whole ram on the altar. The odor of this burnt offering is pleasing to me.
From these scriptures, I conclude that God has a functioning nose and therefore, boogers. This is a simple yet elegant exegesis, and from it flow several theological propositions that impact our reading of the Word. I offer the following three propositions as enquiries -- to be pondered by the faithful -- perhaps to be proven by visions or other revelations using the eyes of faith.
1. The Ark
Gen. 6:15 gives the length of the ark as 300 cubits (450 feet.) Wooden ships that we can verify historically did not exceed 300 feet, and ships this large invariably leaked and had to be pumped 'round the clock. The ark, with a total crew of 8 (i.e., excluding chimpanzees) could not have stayed afloat unless her caulking was miraculously watertight. Did someone say, 'Divine boogers'?
At Gen. 6:14, God tells Noah to 'pitch it within and without with pitch.' In Bible times, this meant that Noah (age 600) would have had to prepare wood tar for the interior and exterior of a craft that stretched nearly a city block. This, in the midst of his zookeeping duties.
This part of the story is implausible.
Boogerine theology suggests an answer. For what sort of pitch or stickum could the Lord provide in great quantity? What, except massive clumps of gluey, malleable, meaty boogers, boogers the size of mattresses, which Noah and his sons Shemp, Hummer, and Greg could slather on with gopher wood trowels, stopping up every knothole and crevice in the ark with a form-fitting mucoidal fill.
Sticky? Emphatically. Waterproof? Try washing it out of a sportcoat sleeve. Proof? Must come from faith or revelation.
2. Manna, the mystery food of the great exodus (see Ex. 16) has confounded readers since the Bible was printed. But Boogerine theology suggests an answer. Manna's first appearance is described in Ex. 16:14:
When the dew had cleared they saw a small round thing on the ground, thin and flaky as frost.
Could the inspired writer of Exodus be any more clear? Who has not seen this phenomenon on the wall of a WalMart restroom, on a Motel 6 headboard, on the title page of a school library's Amelia Bedelia? Thin? Yes, thin and crackly! Flaky? I daresay. Proof? By faith or vision.
3. How does one explain the hidden messages that abound in the Word?
A, that THESSALONIANS is an anagram of THIS NASAL NOSE???
B, CORINTHINIANS = SNOT IN CHAIR. Whose chair? One trembles to speculate. Mine? Yours?
C, The foundational term LOGOS, to the Greek NT writers, meant, altogether: word...governing, creational power...Jesus...or LOOGIE. Logos = ancient loogie.
Word, power, Jesus? Consult any standard Bible dictionary or commentary. Loogie? Revelation or the eyes of faith.
Conclusion
Jehovah God graced us with -- and is owed even more faith and love from us, his creations, for -- his divine boogers, boogers which made the ark seaworthy, nourished the wandering Israelites, and, in the eyes of faith, are the celestial stickum which holds together the firmament and fundament. Who knows but, in the fullness of time, the creation will disintegrate not in a Big Bang, but in a Huge Hocker?
Ex. 29:18 Ye shall burn the whole ram on the altar. The odor of this burnt offering is pleasing to me.
From these scriptures, I conclude that God has a functioning nose and therefore, boogers. This is a simple yet elegant exegesis, and from it flow several theological propositions that impact our reading of the Word. I offer the following three propositions as enquiries -- to be pondered by the faithful -- perhaps to be proven by visions or other revelations using the eyes of faith.
1. The Ark
Gen. 6:15 gives the length of the ark as 300 cubits (450 feet.) Wooden ships that we can verify historically did not exceed 300 feet, and ships this large invariably leaked and had to be pumped 'round the clock. The ark, with a total crew of 8 (i.e., excluding chimpanzees) could not have stayed afloat unless her caulking was miraculously watertight. Did someone say, 'Divine boogers'?
At Gen. 6:14, God tells Noah to 'pitch it within and without with pitch.' In Bible times, this meant that Noah (age 600) would have had to prepare wood tar for the interior and exterior of a craft that stretched nearly a city block. This, in the midst of his zookeeping duties.
This part of the story is implausible.
Boogerine theology suggests an answer. For what sort of pitch or stickum could the Lord provide in great quantity? What, except massive clumps of gluey, malleable, meaty boogers, boogers the size of mattresses, which Noah and his sons Shemp, Hummer, and Greg could slather on with gopher wood trowels, stopping up every knothole and crevice in the ark with a form-fitting mucoidal fill.
Sticky? Emphatically. Waterproof? Try washing it out of a sportcoat sleeve. Proof? Must come from faith or revelation.
2. Manna, the mystery food of the great exodus (see Ex. 16) has confounded readers since the Bible was printed. But Boogerine theology suggests an answer. Manna's first appearance is described in Ex. 16:14:
When the dew had cleared they saw a small round thing on the ground, thin and flaky as frost.
Could the inspired writer of Exodus be any more clear? Who has not seen this phenomenon on the wall of a WalMart restroom, on a Motel 6 headboard, on the title page of a school library's Amelia Bedelia? Thin? Yes, thin and crackly! Flaky? I daresay. Proof? By faith or vision.
3. How does one explain the hidden messages that abound in the Word?
A, that THESSALONIANS is an anagram of THIS NASAL NOSE???
B, CORINTHINIANS = SNOT IN CHAIR. Whose chair? One trembles to speculate. Mine? Yours?
C, The foundational term LOGOS, to the Greek NT writers, meant, altogether: word...governing, creational power...Jesus...or LOOGIE. Logos = ancient loogie.
Word, power, Jesus? Consult any standard Bible dictionary or commentary. Loogie? Revelation or the eyes of faith.
Conclusion
Jehovah God graced us with -- and is owed even more faith and love from us, his creations, for -- his divine boogers, boogers which made the ark seaworthy, nourished the wandering Israelites, and, in the eyes of faith, are the celestial stickum which holds together the firmament and fundament. Who knows but, in the fullness of time, the creation will disintegrate not in a Big Bang, but in a Huge Hocker?
