Jimmy Higgins
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WASHINGTON DC -- Dr. Birx, one of the government officials that are leading the response against the Covid-19 pandemic announced that a new breakthrough in reporting has allowed America to be one of the lowest positive Covid-19 cases nation in the world.
"It is really just about the decimal point," noted Dr. Birx, a doctor who has remained in favor with the President during the several month long epidemic that has plagued his Presidency. "If you shift it just one column, the numbers simply don't look as bad."
The New York Stock Exchange rocketed up 1,400 points on news that the Covid-19 pandemic was under control in the US when the CDC confirmed there were only 4,000 new cases in the entire country. "We still need to improve," noted Dr. Birx, "however, these low numbers mean that our policies of opening up haven't been followed by a drastic increase of cases and the rest of the nation can follow the south's lead."
Not everyone was on board with the new modified reporting method. Dr. Fauci, who was the vocal lead of the pandemic response team before he lost favor with the President because the Doctor refused to spin medical information for the Administration's benefit, noted that "You can't just change a number like that! There is no empirical effect on real world cases by moving a decimal point."
The President quickly denigrated Dr. Fauci for his comments noting on Twitter, "Dr. Fauci is just jealous that Dr. Birx came up with this brilliant idea instead of him, He should go back to being a Vet or something."
"It is really just about the decimal point," noted Dr. Birx, a doctor who has remained in favor with the President during the several month long epidemic that has plagued his Presidency. "If you shift it just one column, the numbers simply don't look as bad."
The New York Stock Exchange rocketed up 1,400 points on news that the Covid-19 pandemic was under control in the US when the CDC confirmed there were only 4,000 new cases in the entire country. "We still need to improve," noted Dr. Birx, "however, these low numbers mean that our policies of opening up haven't been followed by a drastic increase of cases and the rest of the nation can follow the south's lead."
Not everyone was on board with the new modified reporting method. Dr. Fauci, who was the vocal lead of the pandemic response team before he lost favor with the President because the Doctor refused to spin medical information for the Administration's benefit, noted that "You can't just change a number like that! There is no empirical effect on real world cases by moving a decimal point."
The President quickly denigrated Dr. Fauci for his comments noting on Twitter, "Dr. Fauci is just jealous that Dr. Birx came up with this brilliant idea instead of him, He should go back to being a Vet or something."