Encounters with J's Witnesses - Any Jokes out there?

[jacques levague]

A joke from Jacques Levague's journal:

The anthropologist's journal contains very few entries where he speaks calmly with religious proselytizers (rather than terrorize them). For example, he reports an encounter where he philosophically asked, Was there a God before language, before words were available to think divine thoughts? Is God just in the words of humans? When our speechless Australopithecine ancestors died, did they go to Heaven? Can you look an Orangutan in the eye and think, I go to Heaven but you don’t?

Levague notes the Witnesses’ reply, ‘Who’s Anna Rangutan?'

(for more go to Atheistman.com)

 

[ideologyhunter]

(Two of these are reposts from Joke Gallery.)

How does a Jehovah's Witness advent calendar work?
You open any door and the message reads, Fuck Off.

Jehovah's Witnesses don't celebrate Halloween, which is sensible. They don't want random people knocking on their door.

A Hindu, a rabbi, and a Jehovah's Witness take shelter at a farmer's house. The farmer says, "I only got two guest beds, so one of ya has to sleep in the barn." The Hindu volunteers to sleep in the barn, so off he goes. Five minutes later there's a knock on the door. It's the Hindu. He says, "You're raising a cow out there, and that's against my faith."
The rabbi says, "I will go, my brothers." He leaves, but, guess what, in five minutes there's a knock on the door. It's the rabbi. He says, "You have a pig out there, and pig is a no-no in my faith."
The Jehovah's Witness says, "I will be happy to sleep in the barn. It can't affect my faith in any way."
Five minutes later, there's a knock on the door. It's the cow and the pig.

Bob wakes up hung over. He starts the coffee, when there's a knock at the door. It's a young man with a Bible and a bunch of Watchtower magazines. He says, "Friend, do you have five minutes to talk about Jesus, our Lord?"
Bob's defenses are down, so he waves his hand and says, "Come on in and sit down."
He brings two cups of coffee over and says, "Okay, so...what's this all about?"
The young man says, "Beats the shit out of me. I never got this far before."

Sam gets some terrible news from his doctor. He has six months to live. He says, "This can't be true. I need a second opinion."
The doctor says, "Fine, yes, but those x-rays don't lie. Everyone on staff saw them. But do you mind if I give you a personal suggestion?"
Sam says, "Anything!"
The doctor says, "You've heard of the Jehovah's Witnesses. We have one of their halls right in this city. I think you should go to Sunday meeting. And then try midweek meeting, and family worship night. And you know they witness door to door. I think you should get involved in that, too."
Sam says, "All right. And will this help my medical condition?"
The doctor says, "Of course not. But it will be the longest fucking six months you ever lived in your life."

 

[SLD]

 

[ideologyhunter]

Oh yeah.
What do you call a cross between a Mormon and a Jehovah's Witness?
I don't know but please help me get it off my porch.