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Greta Christina on 9 Questions for Atheists

lpetrich

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‘How can you be moral?’: Here are 9 questions you don’t need to ask an atheist
Asked of Hispanic-Americans: “Are you in this country legally?” Asked of gays and lesbians and bisexuals: “How do you have sex?” Asked of transgender people: “Have you had the surgery?” Asked of African Americans: “Can I touch your hair?”

Every marginalized group has some question, or questions, that are routinely asked of them — and that drive them up a tree; questions that have insult or bigotry or dehumanization woven into the very asking.
Greta Christina continues with
1: “How can you be moral without believing in God?”

2: “How do you have any meaning in your life?” Sometimes asked as, “Don’t you feel sad or hopeless?” Or even, “If you don’t believe in God or heaven, why don’t you just kill yourself?”

3: “Doesn’t it take just as much/even more faith to be an atheist as it does to be a believer?”

4: “Isn’t atheism just a religion?”

5: “What’s the point of atheist groups? How can you have a community and a movement for something you don’t believe in?”

6: “Why do you hate God?” Or, “Aren’t you just angry at God?”

7: “But have you [read the Bible or some other holy book; heard about some supposed miracle; heard my story about my personal religious experience]?”

8: “What if you’re wrong?” Sometimes asked as, “Doesn’t it make logical sense to believe in God? If you believe and you’re wrong, nothing terrible happens, but if you don’t believe and you’re wrong, you could go to Hell!”

9: “Why are you atheists so angry?”
She has answers for all of these questions.
 
1) We have laws and a judicial system to enforce them. Clearly believing in god isn't enough for people not to commit immoral acts.

2) Other than family and joy?

3) Actually, it takes a bit more faith to disbelieve in every god but the one a person chooses to worship.

4) Is theism a religion?

5) Atheists don't believe in gods, not groups.

6) Can't be angry or hate something that doesn't exist.

7) Who is this Jesus you speak of?

8) Believe in which god(s)?

9) The angry ones are usually theists.
 
1: Ever been to Salem, Mass? Looked into the witch trials? Seems to me morality is no more than casually linked to faith.

2: Military service, wife, kids, suicide crisis hotline volunteering, cooking, reading, writing... i guess i just never had the time on my hands to look for an external sponsor for meaning...

3: No, see, my atheism is just the place i occupy while i keep asking for evidence of deities. No need of faith, just a continuing delivery of 'fanny adams' as compelling evidence.

4: by the time you water the definition of religion down to where atheism would qualify, so does football, chocolate, the speed limit, and television.

5: ever been to a sci fi convention? Or anime? Shared beliefs are not the only basis of finding community with others. I grok Spock.

6: Do you think Star Wars is fiction BECAUSE you're angry with Darth Vader?

7: Read it. Was more impressed by Fear and Loathing...

8: Pascal's wager is not compelling... What if the whole point is to NOT select a religion? What if The Goddess values skeptics more than sheep?

9: i find the reports of anger in atheists to be greatly exaggerated.
 
I think Greta correctly points out a lot of flaws in those arguments and questions, but at the same time she takes it too far and demeans and insults the believers for making those claims and asking those questions. We heathens here on this forum and elsewhere on the internet are often immersed in hearing each other rant about religion, and we are swallowed up in religious cultures and families and governments that impose those religious views on us through various means. We have heard all those sorts of claims/questions before 1,000 times, they are nothing new.

We have to remember though is that for so many people, they have had no direct exposure to any outspoken atheist (or even critic of religion), they have never heard any kind of pro-atheist argument before, never had any reason to call into question some of their most foundational beliefs and elements of their worldview. So they will think of us atheists as being dumb, simplistic, arrogant, loony, etc. and that will make perfect sense to them, without needing to waste time and energy investigating or thinking about it further. It is not that those people are trying to insult us and wish harm to us. They may very well wish the best for us, and (mistakenly) think that adopting their religion is better than what we have now. Their intentions can be very well good and charitable, and I do think we should respond in kind whenever they do. The responses that Greta writes out take the level of discourse down several notches though, and is insulting when insults do not belong and are not helpful. It is tempting to steer discussions negatively that way, but is a temptation we should try to surpass.
 
I have honestly never been asked any of those questions by believers, not a single one. Most of the people who know I'm an atheist don't seem to care because they like me. The few that didn't like me never asked me any questions. They acted hateful towards me. I'm happy to say that I currently have no hateful believers in my life, probably because most of the hate came for the workplace and now I'm happily retired.

If you treat people well, they rarely care what you believe. At least that has been my experience with very few exceptions.
 
I have honestly never been asked any of those questions by believers, not a single one. Most of the people who know I'm an atheist don't seem to care because they like me. The few that didn't like me never asked me any questions. They acted hateful towards me. I'm happy to say that I currently have no hateful believers in my life, probably because most of the hate came for the workplace and now I'm happily retired.

If you treat people well, they rarely care what you believe. At least that has been my experience with very few exceptions.
I have been asked a couple of them by believers. But I have heard more of them stated as fact rather than as a question.
 
Raises hand here too---

In real life I have heard Pascal's Wager from several people. Actually, I also used to think it was a sound argument for believing in God, back when I kinda/sorta believed in God.

Also, a religious relative in a half-joking/half-frustrated tone asked "WHAT DOES IT MATTER TO YOU WHAT I BELIEVE?!?!" Well, if your religious beliefs harm you, harm me, and/or harms others, then it matters a lot to me and I would like to have those religious beliefs cleansed from you and the rest of the planet. She is completely oblivious though to the harm that her religious views and behaviors have on herself and others.
 
I have honestly never been asked any of those questions by believers, not a single one. Most of the people who know I'm an atheist don't seem to care because they like me. The few that didn't like me never asked me any questions. They acted hateful towards me. I'm happy to say that I currently have no hateful believers in my life, probably because most of the hate came for the workplace and now I'm happily retired.

If you treat people well, they rarely care what you believe. At least that has been my experience with very few exceptions.
I have been asked a couple of them by believers. But I have heard more of them stated as fact rather than as a question.

Yeah, especially the morality one. It is a core premise of monotheism that atheists cannot be moral without God, and survey show that the vast majority of theists hold this assumption.
 
I think Greta correctly points out a lot of flaws in those arguments and questions, but at the same time she takes it too far and demeans and insults the believers for making those claims and asking those questions. We heathens here on this forum and elsewhere on the internet are often immersed in hearing each other rant about religion, and we are swallowed up in religious cultures and families and governments that impose those religious views on us through various means. We have heard all those sorts of claims/questions before 1,000 times, they are nothing new.

We have to remember though is that for so many people, they have had no direct exposure to any outspoken atheist (or even critic of religion), they have never heard any kind of pro-atheist argument before, never had any reason to call into question some of their most foundational beliefs and elements of their worldview. So they will think of us atheists as being dumb, simplistic, arrogant, loony, etc. and that will make perfect sense to them, without needing to waste time and energy investigating or thinking about it further. It is not that those people are trying to insult us and wish harm to us. They may very well wish the best for us, and (mistakenly) think that adopting their religion is better than what we have now. Their intentions can be very well good and charitable, and I do think we should respond in kind whenever they do. The responses that Greta writes out take the level of discourse down several notches though, and is insulting when insults do not belong and are not helpful. It is tempting to steer discussions negatively that way, but is a temptation we should try to surpass.

I agree that the intention behind these question is often not a conscious intention to insult. However, those presumptions theists are making are still acts of bigoted prejudice and inherently insulting, regardless of the theists intentions. Assuming a person cannot be moral b/c they don't share your beliefs about God is no different than assuming they cannot be moral b/c they have different skin color. Maybe some white supremacists are just sincerely ignorant and have no real exposure to blacks. Why should we respond to them any differently than to theists who make bigoted assumptions about atheists?

Also, I disagree that "they never had any reason to call into question some of their most foundation beliefs and elements of their worldview." Every person has a reason to do this, because our beliefs impact our actions and thus impact others. This makes it inherently selfish and unethical not to critically question one's own beliefs and worldview. This is even more the case when a person is making judgments about and impacting people directly based upon whether those other people share one's beliefs. If your belief's are wrong, then your judgments about those others are wrong and your impact on them unjust. Thus, making sure one's beliefs are correct (which requires critical questioning) is an ethical requirement.

This reveals that their intentions are not truly charitable, but more driven by a selfish desire to defend and protect their worldview from doubts than to sincerely care about the non-believers well being.
 
Maybe some white supremacists are just sincerely ignorant and have no real exposure to blacks.

If someone is a white supremacist, and offers a polite invitation to a black person, to have a civil conversation at lunch, how do you think the black should respond (if their goal is to reduce the bigotry)? Should they accept the willingness for civil discussion, or insult the white supremacist? Yes, the white supremacist and the views of various theists are prejudiced, biased, discriminatory, etc. We each are prejudiced to behave towards certain groups, based on the limited amount of data and experience we have of other members of that group. If our goal is to get into an insult-war back and forth with each other and escalate tensions, then carry on just insulting them when they make ignorant statements and ask dumb questions. If our goal is to more civilly educate them and enhance sympathies, then we should take the opportunity to be civil when they are willing to be civil.

Also, I disagree that "they never had any reason to call into question some of their most foundation beliefs and elements of their worldview." Every person has a reason to do this, because our beliefs impact our actions and thus impact others. This makes it inherently selfish and unethical not to critically question one's own beliefs and worldview.

I agree with you there, but my point was that *from their perspective* they never had any reason to question their basic assumptions and beliefs about atheists. They have always been told that atheists are just some fringe group of God-haters who think there is nothing greater than themselves. They have never been confronted with the reality of who we actually are---people around them already, either quietly or openly, who just do not hold certain beliefs about various supernatural beings. If the theist started asking questions about the atheist’s beliefs, they would realize that the atheists actually do not just hate God, but we have some thoughtful ideas on the topic, good questions, and have done research on the matter, often moreso than the theist themselves have. Getting them to realize that and offering our reasons for our beliefs in a non-confrontational and non-personally insulting manner will do a lot more to help our cause than insulting them for asking us sincere questions they hold.
 
Maybe some white supremacists are just sincerely ignorant and have no real exposure to blacks.

If someone is a white supremacist, and offers a polite invitation to a black person, to have a civil conversation at lunch, how do you think the black should respond (if their goal is to reduce the bigotry)?

"Hey, you cannot be a moral person because you're black. Want to grab a burger and talk about that?"
Is that a "polite invitation to have a civil conversation"?

I'd argue that the very act of making the bigoted assumption is impolite and uncivil. Thus, even if the person saying it wants to engage about it in a non-combative tone, one can hardly blame the other person for responding as though someone is being impolite and uncivil toward them. If they do, then great for them, they are quite noble and going above and beyond what could be reasonably expected.

If our goal is to get into an insult-war back and forth with each other and escalate tensions, then carry on just insulting them when they make ignorant statements and ask dumb questions. If our goal is to more civilly educate them and enhance sympathies, then we should take the opportunity to be civil when they are willing to be civil.

I agree that it can be more fruitful to not to respond with counter insults. I just want to make clear that the theist is not at all innocent or sincerely caring about the atheist. They are already being impolite, uncivil, and unethical by the very act of making and expressing their assumptions about the atheist. These facts should be made clear to them as part of the process of educating them.
Also, this pre-established incivility and impoliteness predicts that they are very unlikely to be open to being "educated" about it anyway. Just as a person who enters the interaction believing in white supremacy, it predicts a disposition for self-serving intellectual dishonesty. Thus, most of the time, counter insults aren't going to thwart any realistic chance of an progress anyway. That said, sure it is the ideal noble response to respond as though each offender is the rare case of a someone making an honest mistake they are willing to correct. I just don't put too much blame on a person for not always taking that noble high road.

Also, I disagree that "they never had any reason to call into question some of their most foundation beliefs and elements of their worldview." Every person has a reason to do this, because our beliefs impact our actions and thus impact others. This makes it inherently selfish and unethical not to critically question one's own beliefs and worldview.

I agree with you there, but my point was that *from their perspective* they never had any reason to question their basic assumptions and beliefs about atheists.

But that applies to every possible immoral act where the person does not explicitly acknowledge they knew they were doing the wrong thing. "From their perspective", Nazis were doing to right thing. All that really means is that they were too immorally selfish to ever bother being honest about it, and in most cases expended great effort to actively suppress any doubts or rational thoughts about it which naturally arise when one is maintaining beliefs that lack direct evidence. They are a human and thus they know that people engage in self delusion and bigotry. Thus, from there perspective as a human, they did have knowledge and reasons to doubt their bigoted assumptions. But they chose to willfully suppress those reasons out of selfish desire to protect their worldview at the expense of others.

Getting them to realize that and offering our reasons for our beliefs in a non-confrontational and non-personally insulting manner will do a lot more to help our cause than insulting them for asking us sincere questions they have."

Except when they come from young children, those questions are not often "sincere". They aren't even usually questions, but rather strongly held prejudiced beliefs masquerading as "curiosity", and they were usually not arrived at honestly but via intellectual dishonesty and effortful self-delusion. In those cases, which are the majority, giving them factual information will do little to nothing to evolve their thinking. In those cases, confronting them with the dishonesty and immorality of their position and lack of honest prior thought may have more positive effect, just as shame and social forms of punishment have effect on reducing unethical behavior generally. While you might frame such a response as "insulting", it is no more so than it is insulting to point out to a racist that he's being a racist.

But again, ideally it would be most noble and productive to begin with a response that gives them the undeserved benefit of the doubt of being sincerely mistaken and open to change, then if it becomes clear they are not open to new information about it, responding in a way that exposes the immorality and dishonesty of their position.
 
Whoever this woman is, she's full of shit. Angry atheists who really hate God!!! Right. The tonic chord in atheism is HUMOR. Snarky, mordant humor. Much more characteristic of us than the Christian folk. It's a big reason why our stuff is more fun to read than their stuff.
 
I just want to make clear that the theist is not at all innocent or sincerely caring about the atheist. They are already being impolite, uncivil, and unethical by the very act of making and expressing their assumptions about the atheist.

In saying that, you are making some pretty nefarious assumptions and conclusions as well about the motives and intentions of that particular theist, who you criticize for doing the same about you. In their mind, you are being impolite, uncivil, and unethical by your very act of making and expressing your anti-god or anti-religion views that they hold so dear to their heart.

In addition, I do have to very much disagree with your statement that they are not at all innocent or sincerely caring about the atheist. Many of them mistakenly believe we are hellbound, for instance, and feel tremendous stress and anxiety over it. They may react by trying to proselytize and witnessing to us, and it may even lead them to depression. If a theist believed you were going to be hellbound for all eternity, wouldn’t you *want* them to do every fucking possible thing to stop you from suffering that fate? I would acknowledge them as being more sincere and caring than the ones who think I am hellbound but then effectively shrug their shoulders and move on with their day.


"From their perspective", Nazis were doing to right thing. All that really means is that they were too immorally selfish to ever bother being honest about it, and in most cases expended great effort to actively suppress any doubts or rational thoughts about it which naturally arise when one is maintaining beliefs that lack direct evidence. They are a human and thus they know that people engage in self delusion and bigotry. Thus, from there perspective as a human, they did have knowledge and reasons to doubt their bigoted assumptions. But they chose to willfully suppress those reasons out of selfish desire to protect their worldview at the expense of others.

Isn’t that a human trait though, not something exclusive to some groups and others are exempt from it? We all have preexisting biases, and those manifest by treating other groups excessively favorably or unfavorably. We tend to use the Nazi’s as an extreme example for illustrative purposes, but it is not a trait unique to them. Being biased is not a trait unique to theists or atheists, whites or blacks, males or females. It is a human trait shared by humans (and other animals) as long we have been around and able to absorb information from the world around us and then try to draw conclusions from it (even if we fail at making rational conclusions). If you would likewise consider yourself biased and occasionally prone to making bigoted assumptions and knowing that you sometimes engage in self delusion, would you then similarly declare yourself to be dishonest? Do you think you also sometimes suppress knowledge and reasons to doubt your bigoted assumptions, out of selfish desire to protect your own worldview at the expense of others? Or are you pretty much flawless at doing the opposite?

I think you are right that other people engage in varying degrees of self delusion, dishonesty, bias, bigotry, etc. Where I would go further is in applying it to ourselves as well. We are not immune from those same forces, and they also manifest in ourselves but we may be just as unaware of them (and they seem like second nature to us) as the type of theists referred to in the OP are unaware of their own.
 
I just want to make clear that the theist is not at all innocent or sincerely caring about the atheist. They are already being impolite, uncivil, and unethical by the very act of making and expressing their assumptions about the atheist.

In saying that, you are making some pretty nefarious assumptions and conclusions as well about the motives and intentions of that particular theist, who you criticize for doing the same about you.

No, I am drawing logical inferences based upon the facts of their specific actions combined with basic facts about human being and reality more generally. The logically inherent assumptions behind their statements are by definition impolite and uncivil. And if they are an adult human being, then there is a 99.99% probability that they are aware that there assumptions may be wrong, and yet hold them anyway despite lack of evidence, which logically means they must be engaging in deliberate suppression of honest evaluation of those assumptions, which is unethical.

IOW, I am not making a priori assumptions about them. I am drawing a posteriori Bayesian inferences about them based on evidence.


In their mind, you are being impolite, uncivil, and unethical by your very act of making and expressing your anti-god or anti-religion views that they hold so dear to their heart.

And that reveals the stark difference. They find me and all non-believers unethical merely for holding a different belief than them, which shows how selfishly authoritarian their "morals" are. And since such authoritarianism objectively causes tangible harm to people, it means their "moral" system is itself a product of immorality. In contrast, I have a non-authoritarian moral system based upon objective harm caused by actions. So, I do not infer they are immoral simply for holding a different belief than me. I only infer their immorality from their actions that cause harm to others, and one such action is their assertion that others are immoral simply for holding a different belief than them.

In addition, I do have to very much disagree with your statement that they are not at all innocent or sincerely caring about the atheist. Many of them mistakenly believe we are hellbound, for instance, and feel tremendous stress and anxiety over it. They may react by trying to proselytize and witnessing to us, and it may even lead them to depression.

They are the one's who chose to believe that and they go to lengths to protect that belief from honest thought, because they want it to be true. We know this b/c we know they have no evidence it is true and the modern world exposes virtually adults to information that makes such a belief impossible to maintain without effortful suppression of honest reasoned thought. And such effortful dishonesty is motivated by a biased desire to want something to be true, even if it isn't.
That proves their lack of sincere concern for atheists. Their proselytizing is self serving. They do it to give their own lives meaning and to manufacture an identity as a noble savior. They choose to maintain beliefs that various people will be punished by the God they choose to believe in, in part so that they can then play the hero for trying to save those people from the hell they created for them.

It is the same for theists who view homosexuals as damned. The adage "love the sinner hate the sin" is dishonest nonsense. In the face of obvious reasons to doubt it, they choose to maintain belief that gays are damned. That is the opposite of loving and caring. Then they pretend to care about the fate of gays, b/c that makes them seem like a selfless martyr.


All that really means is that they were too immorally selfish to ever bother being honest about it, and in most cases expended great effort to actively suppress any doubts or rational thoughts about it which naturally arise when one is maintaining beliefs that lack direct evidence. They are a human and thus they know that people engage in self delusion and bigotry. Thus, from there perspective as a human, they did have knowledge and reasons to doubt their bigoted assumptions. But they chose to willfully suppress those reasons out of selfish desire to protect their worldview at the expense of others.

Isn’t that a human trait though, not something exclusive to some groups and others are exempt from it? We all have preexisting biases, and those manifest by treating other groups excessively favorably or unfavorably.

Yes!, everyone is prone to bias, but also everyone is capable of examining their biases against reasoned analysis. Which is exactly why every person is aware that humans (themselves included) are prone to do this. And that is why, contrary to your prior excuse for theists, every person has knowledge that gives them reason to doubt their assumptions and beliefs, and thus reason to engage in critical examination of those beliefs. This makes people personally responsible for their beliefs, and when those beliefs impact others, it makes people morally responsible for whether they have subjected those beliefs to critical reasoning to avoid undue harm to others.

If the belief is something that is implicit and the person rarely thinks about it, then it's understandable that they haven't examined it. Or if the belief has minimal real world impact that could harm others, then it doesn't have direct moral implications about the believer. But that is clearly not the case if a theist is pointing out the lack of morality among atheists or gays, or even just acting and voting based upon such beliefs. Such beliefs, if unexamined, do reflect a self-serving moral failing. And such beliefs cannot be held in the modern world if they are ever honestly examined.

The dishonesty and effortful suppression of reasoned thought required to maintain such beliefs exposes the fact that such beliefs are things the person desires to be true, so much that they make sure to never doubt it. When those beliefs are about others moral worth or things that impact how others are treated, those deliberately irrational beliefs represent immoral and uncivil acts of willful ignorance.

And of course, those theist beliefs are not the only ones that reflect immoral selfish self-delusion. Everyone is likely guilty of it to some degree under various circumstances. That doesn't change the fact that it's unethical, and that virtually all beliefs in the modern world that non-theism (or homosexuality) is against God are themselves unethical and not merely innocent acts of kindness and concern.
 
‘How can you be moral?’: Here are 9 questions you don’t need to ask an atheist
Asked of Hispanic-Americans: “Are you in this country legally?” Asked of gays and lesbians and bisexuals: “How do you have sex?” Asked of transgender people: “Have you had the surgery?” Asked of African Americans: “Can I touch your hair?”

Every marginalized group has some question, or questions, that are routinely asked of them — and that drive them up a tree; questions that have insult or bigotry or dehumanization woven into the very asking.
Greta Christina continues with
1: “How can you be moral without believing in God?”

2: “How do you have any meaning in your life?” Sometimes asked as, “Don’t you feel sad or hopeless?” Or even, “If you don’t believe in God or heaven, why don’t you just kill yourself?”

3: “Doesn’t it take just as much/even more faith to be an atheist as it does to be a believer?”

4: “Isn’t atheism just a religion?”

5: “What’s the point of atheist groups? How can you have a community and a movement for something you don’t believe in?”

6: “Why do you hate God?” Or, “Aren’t you just angry at God?”

7: “But have you [read the Bible or some other holy book; heard about some supposed miracle; heard my story about my personal religious experience]?”

8: “What if you’re wrong?” Sometimes asked as, “Doesn’t it make logical sense to believe in God? If you believe and you’re wrong, nothing terrible happens, but if you don’t believe and you’re wrong, you could go to Hell!”

9: “Why are you atheists so angry?”
She has answers for all of these questions.

I've been asked several of these, but always at work; my students often assume that I am an atheist, and ask the standard questions either directly or in the third person "how do atheists..."

I try to be courteous and forthright, as with the "gay questions" also mentioned in the OP and which I often get. People may well ask such things out of genuine curiosity, not thinking about their human nature. Even if not, getting upset accomplishes little.
 
…if they are an adult human being, then there is a 99.99% probability that they are aware that there assumptions may be wrong, and yet hold them anyway despite lack of evidence, which logically means they must be engaging in deliberate suppression of honest evaluation of those assumptions, which is unethical.

That is human behavior, not just behavior of specific groups within humans. What you label as unethical and dishonest and such, is a human trait. I am not challenging that they are at various times and in various ways and to various degrees holding those nefarious motives, only that you are immune to them. Have you ever in your life, on any issue, to any degree, in any way, been biased towards one view over others and not given it a fair evaluation that it merited? If so, then why are you condemning them so strongly for doing the same, while excusing yourself?

They find me and all non-believers unethical merely for holding a different belief than them, which shows how selfishly authoritarian their "morals" are.

What about the ones who do not hold that view? They think you are ethical, but that you have no reasonable foundation to be ethical as you are. In their mind, it only makes sense to be ethical if God exists, and that is a fact that you had just never considered before. In their mind, they are being rational and you are irrational. They are just making a posteriori Bayesian inferences about you, based on evidence.

They are the one's who chose to believe that and they go to lengths to protect that belief from honest thought, because they want it to be true.

We *choose* to believe what we believe? Why would you think that? What we believe to be true is more of a cognitive response to stimuli and data we observe and accumulate. Can you choose to believe that the earth is flat? That Venus is farther away from the sun than Mars? Can you choose right this second to change your beliefs, so that you believe God does exist? We do not choose what we believe, what we believe is our brain's response to what we observe and how to most efficiently organize and process that information.

We know this b/c we know they have no evidence it is true…

What a person considers to be “evidence” is a very subjective determination. Ten people in a jury trial can look at the exact same data sets and come to varying conclusions about whether any of it constituted evidence at all, or if there was some evidence but insufficiently so to warrant conviction, or proof beyond reasonable doubt. Scientists look at the same data and come to different conclusions about what conclusions are reasonably warranted by that data. Different religious people look at the same text and come to different conclusions about what that text implies, or have similar religious experiences/revelations and believe different things as a result.

That proves their lack of sincere concern for atheists.

You are hurting your own case, and our own case, by maintaining that flawed argument though. You are misdiagnosing the problem. When a religious believer who thinks you are headed for hell has firsthand knowledge that they care about you and that is why they try to witness to you, and then you respond back that they are dishonest and really are not concerned, that makes it easier for them to dismiss you and any critical or skeptical arguments you carry with you.

everyone is prone to bias, but also everyone is capable of examining their biases against reasoned analysis. Which is exactly why every person is aware that humans (themselves included) are prone to do this.

Everyone is also prone to thinking they have examined their biases against reasoned analysis, when really they just gave lip service to reasoned analysis. Overcoming our own biases is very difficult, many moreso than others (such as deeply held religious beliefs that are central to the very identity of the religious believer). Admitting error would entail that they have to rewrite who they are, how they think, what they have thought and felt and believed in the past, etc. Our brains are hardwired to be resistant and stubborn to change. We are evolutionary built to protecting our beliefs, over correcting our beliefs.

A great article from many years ago discusses that last part in more detail and I hope you will read it:

Why Bad Beliefs Don’t Die
 
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