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L.P.D.: Libertarian Police Department

ksen

ksen

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Joined
Jun 10, 2005
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Florida
Basic Beliefs
Calvinist
http://www.newyorker.com/humor/daily-shouts/l-p-d-libertarian-police-department

I was shooting heroin and reading “The Fountainhead” in the front seat of my privately owned police cruiser when a call came in. I put a quarter in the radio to activate it. It was the chief.

“Bad news, detective. We got a situation.”

“What? Is the mayor trying to ban trans fats again?”

“Worse. Somebody just stole four hundred and forty-seven million dollars’ worth of bitcoins.”

The heroin needle practically fell out of my arm. “What kind of monster would do something like that? Bitcoins are the ultimate currency: virtual, anonymous, stateless. They represent true economic freedom, not subject to arbitrary manipulation by any government. Do we have any leads?”

“Not yet. But mark my words: we’re going to figure out who did this and we’re going to take them down … provided someone pays us a fair market rate to do so.”

“Easy, chief,” I said. “Any rate the market offers is, by definition, fair.”

He laughed. “That’s why you’re the best I got, Lisowski. Now you get out there and find those bitcoins.”

“Don’t worry,” I said. “I’m on it.”

I put a quarter in the siren. Ten minutes later, I was on the scene. It was a normal office building, strangled on all sides by public sidewalks. I hopped over them and went inside.

“Home Depot™ Presents the Police!®” I said, flashing my badge and my gun and a small picture of Ron Paul. “Nobody move unless you want to!” They didn’t.
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good lord . . . :hysterical:

eta: make sure to read the whole thing
 
Pretty good laugh...thanks!
 
The "I put a quarter in . . ." lines are the best.
 
Here is my socialist PD story:
I was drinking party-approved shade grown coffee and reading “Das Kapital” in the front seat of state owned police cruiser when a call came in on the crystal radio set. It was the commissar.

“Bad news, comrad. We got a situation.”

“What? Is the mayor trying to sell pantyhose on the black market?”

“Worse. Somebody just stole four hundred and forty-seven million dollars’ worth of bitcoins.”

“Who cares, money is only a means of exchanging labor and bitcoins are a worthless fad.”
Click to expand...
 
The ongoing inability of some people on this forum to grasp what libertarians actually believe is quite an embarrassment.
 
none said:
dismal said:
The ongoing inability of some people on this forum to grasp what libertarians actually believe is quite an embarrassment.
Click to expand...
What do they believe?
Click to expand...


Well let me tell you, whatever you thought they believe, isn't what they really believe! Libertarians have been misrepresented, I tell you, and it is damned unfair.

What do they believe? For starters, what you've read from the "mainstream media" is wrong. Libertarians have a pretty well-defined set of beliefs, and if anyone tries to characterize those beliefs in an untoward way, then you'll hear about it from real libertarians!

Now, maybe you've read some books by Ayn Rand or followed Ron Paul or Gary Johnson and think you understand where libertarians are coming from, but I'm here to tell you that you're wrong. Libertarians are not defined by what one or more self-identified libertarians say, and anyone who tries to link quotes from these folks to what libertarians really believe is a damned liar, and probably has a liberal agenda.

It is also very important to keep in mind that outfits like Reason.com, the Cato Institute, or the Koch Brothers don't speak for all libertarians, because libertarianism is something that just can't be nailed down except for the basic tenets that everyone pretty much agrees upon except when they don't.


So to sum up...what were we talking about, again?
 
Ford said:
none said:
What do they believe?
Click to expand...


Well let me tell you, whatever you thought they believe, isn't what they really believe! Libertarians have been misrepresented, I tell you, and it is damned unfair.

What do they believe? For starters, what you've read from the "mainstream media" is wrong. Libertarians have a pretty well-defined set of beliefs, and if anyone tries to characterize those beliefs in an untoward way, then you'll hear about it from real libertarians!

Now, maybe you've read some books by Ayn Rand or followed Ron Paul or Gary Johnson and think you understand where libertarians are coming from, but I'm here to tell you that you're wrong. Libertarians are not defined by what one or more self-identified libertarians say, and anyone who tries to link quotes from these folks to what libertarians really believe is a damned liar, and probably has a liberal agenda.

It is also very important to keep in mind that outfits like Reason.com, the Cato Institute, or the Koch Brothers don't speak for all libertarians, because libertarianism is something that just can't be nailed down except for the basic tenets that everyone pretty much agrees upon except when they don't.


So to sum up...what were we talking about, again?
Click to expand...
yeah but isn't this all subject to a fee?
 
I was drinking party-approved shade grown coffee and reading “Das Kapital” in the front seat of state owned police cruiser when a call came in on the crystal radio set. It was the commissar.

“Bad news, comrad. We got a situation.”

“What? Is the mayor trying to sell pantyhose on the black market?”

“Worse. Somebody just stole four hundred and forty-seven million dollars’ worth of bitcoins.”

“Who cares, money is only a means of exchanging labor and bitcoins are a worthless fad.”
Click to expand...

The ongoing inability of some people to grasp what socialism actually entails is quite an embarrassment.

Ha! Two can play...:D
 
Very funny, thanks for that ksen!

Is anyone familiar with Jackson's Whole, the planet from Louis McMaster Bujold's Vorkosigan series?

-There's been a warrant issued for your arrest.
-eh? What for?
-They didn't say. Are you going to counter-bid?
-Who paid for the arrest?
-They paid extra for anonymity. Come on, come, are you going to outbid them or not? I don't have all day.

dismal said:
The ongoing inability of some people on this forum to grasp what libertarians actually believe is quite an embarrassment.
Click to expand...
<shrug> People who call themselves libertarians believe in a lot of different things. There may be a sensible and coherent political position buried in the midst of all those beliefs, but I've not seen it.

If you want to argue that we shouldn't criticise libertarianism on the basis that not all libertarians share a given position, then we'd need to extend the same courtesy to all other belief systems, including conservatives, republicans, democrats, progressives, liberals, socialists, communists, anarchists, right wingers, left wingers, atheists, christians, muslims, fundamentalists, flat-earthers, and 'some people on this forum'.
 
none said:
dismal said:
The ongoing inability of some people on this forum to grasp what libertarians actually believe is quite an embarrassment.
Click to expand...
What do they believe?
Click to expand...

I could link you to one of the threads where the libertarians on the thread made a sincere effort to explain this, but I lack the motivation to do so because these threads have no discernible impact on the parade of ignorance.
 
Togo said:
Very funny, thanks for that ksen!

Is anyone familiar with Jackson's Whole, the planet from Louis McMaster Bujold's Vorkosigan series?

-There's been a warrant issued for your arrest.
-eh? What for?
-They didn't say. Are you going to counter-bid?
-Who paid for the arrest?
-They paid extra for anonymity. Come on, come, are you going to outbid them or not? I don't have all day.

dismal said:
The ongoing inability of some people on this forum to grasp what libertarians actually believe is quite an embarrassment.
Click to expand...
<shrug> People who call themselves libertarians believe in a lot of different things. There may be a sensible and coherent political position buried in the midst of all those beliefs, but I've not seen it.

If you want to argue that we shouldn't criticise libertarianism on the basis that not all libertarians share a given position, then we'd need to extend the same courtesy to all other belief systems, including conservatives, republicans, democrats, progressives, liberals, socialists, communists, anarchists, right wingers, left wingers, atheists, christians, muslims, fundamentalists, flat-earthers, and 'some people on this forum'.
Click to expand...

A clue might be that when libertarians show up to defend something that supposedly characterizes their beliefs your characterization may have been accurate.

When they show up to call you a bunch of ignorant tools you may be off.
 
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