Mormons acknowledge that Joseph Smith, a convicted felon, also had 20-30 wives, one 15 y.o.

[Keith&Co.]

am I living in Asgard while a Mormon kid who died in a traffic accident when he was 14, so he only had seven children, ends up living in a dirt shack in Heaven's Somalia?

If he's Mormon, he goes to Mormon Heaven.
Christains go to Christain Heaven.
And everyone else goes to Basic Heaven.

Basic Heaven is so much better than Earth that if you didn't know any better, you'd think you were in Paradise.
But if you were truly Christain in life, then you die and go to a place that's so much better than Basic Heaven, that you would consider Basic Heaven to be a vale of tears. But the people in Basic never see Christain paradise, so they don't know just how badly they've been screwed.
Then, if you were Mormon, you go to a place that's so much better than Christain Heaven, then CH looks like Las Vegas in daylight, Basic looks like punishment.
This is where Mormon's stay until they have the power in their battery.
So if you were Mormon, and your kids are wiped out by a plague, you can't quite expect to ever get your own tabernacle, but you do have the chance to smugly spend eternity surrounded by perfectly Perfect PERFECTION.

 

[Keith&Co.]

If you're happily living in Baptist Heaven and are posthumously baptized, are you required to relocate, or can you contest the reassignment?

IF the Mormons are able to baptize posthumously, then the Mormons are arguably right about everything else. You would welcome your move from Baptist Heaven (Tier 2) to Mormon Heaven (Tier Super).

Back to Mormon Theology: Too good to be true. You would not even want to turn down Perfect³ Paradise. No one suffers from proxy baptism.

 

[Tom Sawyer]

am I living in Asgard while a Mormon kid who died in a traffic accident when he was 14, so he only had seven children, ends up living in a dirt shack in Heaven's Somalia?

If he's Mormon, he goes to Mormon Heaven.
Christains go to Christain Heaven.
And everyone else goes to Basic Heaven.

Basic Heaven is so much better than Earth that if you didn't know any better, you'd think you were in Paradise.
But if you were truly Christain in life, then you die and go to a place that's so much better than Basic Heaven, that you would consider Basic Heaven to be a vale of tears. But the people in Basic never see Christain paradise, so they don't know just how badly they've been screwed.
Then, if you were Mormon, you go to a place that's so much better than Christain Heaven, then CH looks like Las Vegas in daylight, Basic looks like punishment.
This is where Mormon's stay until they have the power in their battery.
So if you were Mormon, and your kids are wiped out by a plague, you can't quite expect to ever get your own tabernacle, but you do have the chance to smugly spend eternity surrounded by perfectly Perfect PERFECTION.

I like the fact that they've actually put this much thought into it.

How many Glory Points are needed for the God upgrade? Does the Church allow for in-app purchases where your descendents can shell out cash for some extra Glory or would you need to only rely on their babies and retroactive baptisms?

If I were a Mormon, I'd open up a sperm bank and impregnate all the customers with my kids. Sure, I'd go to jail but that's not a big deal in exchange for the Glory boost it gets and it also gives me a competitive advantage over all the other potential god-wannabes in the area who would then be stuck with nothing.

 

[Keith&Co.]

I like the fact that they've actually put this much thought into it.

 

[couch_sloth]

It quite literally had a basis in theology --it's commanded in a lengthy revelation in the Mormon D & C (Doctrine and Covenants) which, among other things, claims that a man with multiple wives will have amplified glory in the afterlife. It also has an insane section where God (actually Smith's sock puppet, but whatever) warns Emma, Wife No. 1, that she faces utter destruction if she does not agree to the new arrangement...

Well if a guy takes the time to create and run his own religion he probably needs to sleep-around a little just to blow off some steam.
Threatening the old ball'n chain with eternal damnation seems a pretty effective way to keep her from spoiling your fun.

 

[Keith&Co.]

Threatening the old ball'n chain with eternal damnation seems a pretty effective way to keep her from spoiling your fun.

In and of itself, i doubt that his threats had any real effect on Wife Number 1.
However, the threat that he'd tell all their neighbors that she was going against God's Will probably had the most effect. The rest of the country shunned the Mormons, if they shunned her, she'd have no one to talk to.

 

[couch_sloth]

Threatening the old ball'n chain with eternal damnation seems a pretty effective way to keep her from spoiling your fun.

In and of itself, i doubt that his threats had any real effect on Wife Number 1.
However, the threat that he'd tell all their neighbors that she was going against God's Will probably had the most effect. The rest of the country shunned the Mormons, if they shunned her, she'd have no one to talk to.

Apparently wife #1 wasn't impressed with her husband's new 'commandment' about polygamy and she threatened to raise a stink if he tried to enact it within the Mormon community as a whole. Joseph Smith was killed before he could do this and it was left up to Brigham Young to lead the pro-polygamy majority of LDS's. Emma Smith joined one of the anti-polygamy Mormon splinter groups after her husband died.

The type of 'shunning' you're talking about has been effective for many religious groups, e.g. $cientology's so called Disconnection .

 

[Cheerful Charlie]

That was one lust-filled old goat! Wheeeeeeeeee!

 

[Eldarion Lathria]

I remember a question I heard in Nafarroa during a visit. It was asked of a Mor(m)on missionary. How can you follow a prophet called Joe Smith? It sounds like an alias.

Come on now, Joe, what's your real name?

Eldarion Lathria

 

[credoconsolans]

Mormons acknowledge that Joseph Smith, a convicted felon, also had 20-30 wives

And in other news, water is wet.

Was anyone really surprised at this bit of news?

Well, at least she wasn't nine.

Mormonism. Our prophet wasn't quite as pervy as that Muslim guy. Come check us out.

Feh.
The Roman Empire's marriable age was 12. The RCC followed suit. English law was also 12, then the colonies as well.
Some places have been lower, but that's usually with parental consent, and it's more about property and securing estates than pervy schmexing.

My great grandmother, at the turn of the 19th century, was 15 when she married the first time.

 

[Herrick]

Wow that Mormon Flowchart makes me want to join up!

 

[blastula]

And in other news, water is wet.

Was anyone really surprised at this bit of news?

The news is the LDS church admits it now. Though I'm sure they're not admitting everything they could.