Rule 34: Ted Cruz Edition

[Derec]

Female Ted Cruz lookalike from ‘Maury’ signs on to do porn flick for $10G

After Searcy Hayes' face was paired up next to Cruz's, she really made her way into the spotlight. Hayes, 21, was on the April 18 episode of the show — "5 Men Tested … Will I Find My Daughter's Father Today?" — where she confronted her boyfriend Freddie Green, 25, who claimed her 3-month-old son was not his (it turns out he is the father).
The couple seems to be doing much better now that porn site XHamster offered them $10,000 to make their own sex tape.
"We wanted Searcy because overnight she became a viral meme," XHamster spokesman Mike Kulich told The Huffington Post. "I think a lot of XHamster viewers really wanted to see her in action."
Hayes said she has made sex tapes before, but this will be the first time a big audience will see one.

Let the nightmares commence! [link definitely NSFW, and they should not have compressed it down so much before upload although I understand the limitations of dialup and everything]
She seems dumber than a bag of hammers though.

The Mississippi woman had never heard of Ted Cruz before the comparison and also mentioned she didn't know if he has done a good enough job to get reelected, apparently unaware that he wasn't actually president — only running for the job.

Her boyfriend is no brighter, unless the cost of living in Mississippi is really that low.

Green said the offer to do porn was a "no-brainer."
"We want to buy a truck, pay off our house and we might get married. I never had anyone say, 'Here's $10,000! Go make a sex tape,'" he said.
The sex tape will only be 6-minutes long, meaning the duo will bring in $1,666.66 per minute.
"It's kind of exciting and shocking to know she's famous — she's more famous than Madonna!" Green said. "I'm with a star."

Too bad Green (the boyfriend and apparently costar) is not a Donald Trump lookalike or else we could make this bizarre statement by The Walking Ted come true (or rather its opposite).

 

[Deepak]

If they got the fat guy from the office we could all see Ted Cruz fuck himself

 

[barbos]

Speaking of appearances, is it just me or Cruz looks older than his age?

 

[laughing dog]

I truly feel sorry for anyone woman who resembles Ted Cruz.

 

[Derec]

I truly feel sorry for anyone woman who resembles Ted Cruz.

Makes you wonder if young Ted was sowing any wild oats in Mississippi in 1994 or thereabouts ...

 

[T.G.G. Moogly]

Speaking of appearances, is it just me or Cruz looks older than his age?

Wow, the Texas Turd is 45. He looks a lot older.

 

[Sarpedon]

slight corpulence lends a man certain dignity.

Cruz is less than a year older than Rubio, yet no one made his youth an issue, unlike poor Marco.

 

[RavenSky]

slight corpulence lends a man certain dignity.

Cruz is less than a year older than Rubio, yet no one made his youth an issue, unlike poor Marco.

I didn't know he was only a year younger. Rubio looks at least ten years younger

 

[Jimmy Higgins]

If he wasn't wearing that red jewel around his neck, he'd look even older!

 

[Don2 (Don1 Revised)]

Let the nightmares commence! [link definitely NSFW, and they should not have compressed it down so much before upload although I understand the limitations of dialup and everything]

They should have done the camera angle from the boyfriend's perspective. That would have gotten a lot more Republicans to watch her whole Ted Cruz face while thinking about themselves.

 

[Jayjay]

Even porn these days is reality bullshit. Is nothing sacred? Things were so much better when Gerald Ford was president.