Jimmy Higgins
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RIYADH, SAUDI ARABIA - The office of Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salmon released a statement indicating that in light of the COVID-19 pandemic, all future murders and dismemberings of National Dissidents will be handled remotely.
The statement noted, "The pandemic requires us to take added precautions when silencing people that question our policies."
It was uncertain whether this meant that dismembering would need to be accomplished through the use of armed drones or via alternative methods.
The statement did not indicate when in person dismembering would restart, but noted that the policy would be reviewed on a month to month basis.
Editors note: Our spelling of the Crown Prince was incorrect. It is not spelled like the fish.
As a side note, this article would probably get me killed in Saudi Arabia.
The statement noted, "The pandemic requires us to take added precautions when silencing people that question our policies."
It was uncertain whether this meant that dismembering would need to be accomplished through the use of armed drones or via alternative methods.
The statement did not indicate when in person dismembering would restart, but noted that the policy would be reviewed on a month to month basis.
Editors note: Our spelling of the Crown Prince was incorrect. It is not spelled like the fish.
As a side note, this article would probably get me killed in Saudi Arabia.