Shut Up, Satan

[Bomb#20]

‘Shut Up, Satan’: Rome Course Teaches Exorcism, Even by Cellphone

"a Catholic cardinal with decades of experience casting demons out of possessed bodies gave a master class on how to yell at the devil, rid Muslims of black magic and purge Satan on your cellphone."

"Cardinal Simoni, who is Albanian, also said that fasting sometimes helped the possessed, but that often you had to play hardball with Beelzebub by saying things like “shut up, Satan.”"

“I exorcise you, Satan. O.K., talk soon, say hello to your husband for me.”

"every diocese should have an exorcist on hand, but that the reforms of the Second Vatican Council and its “confusion” had eroded exorcism expertise and deprived seminarians of instruction in demonology.

“That was simply lost,” he said. “A lot of dioceses in the United States haven’t had exorcists for a very long time.”

But in all fairness to Catholicism, this course is unofficial -- it's run by disaffected conservative groups, not by the church proper.

"... conducting exorcisms by cellphone, which is technically banned by church law"

Stands to reason. How can you expect to do an exorcism properly if you aren't even there when the possessed girl's head spins around?

"More recently the Vatican has formally recognized an International Association of Exorcists in 2014, which keeps its 250 or so members updated on the latest best practices in confronting the devil."

 

[Beer With Straw]

Satan: Hello.

Exorcist: Ron?

S: No, this is Satan.

E: Can I speak to Ron, please.

S: No.

E: Pretty please!

S: No. Fuck off!



'click'

 

[Cheerful Charlie]

Pure baloney! Do these bozos really think Satan takes over somebody and then behaves like a demon possessed person in a bad horror movie? Satan isn't stupid. He possesses somebody attractive, and articulate and gets them into politics where subtly bad conservative politics can destroy the lives and souls of millions. Putin and his oligarchs. The Us Senate and House Republicans. The leaders of extremist Islamic nations.

 

[Opoponax]

First in with:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KR7le9b_VRU



Strange garb for Catholic priests, but whatever gets the job done.

 

[Tom Sawyer]

Really, there's an app for that?

Satan and his demons are pretty lame if you can just download something to cast them out while you're playing Candy Crush.

 

[Cheerful Charlie]

If you were Satan, who would you possess? Some kids listening to bad death metal while playing violent video games? Or the crew of a nuclear submarine armed with nuclear armed ICBMs? Should such submarines be equipped with a well trained exorcist?

 

[DBT]

Orthodox Judaism has Satan as ultimately being an agent of God, acting the adversary but always subservient to God, aka, the book of Job.

 

[ideologyhunter]

Didn't Clint Eastwood exorcise Satan on the TV about 6 years ago? I remember he had a (seemingly) empty chair on the stage and he yelled at it. He even said "Now, you just shut up" to the chair. The audience loved it.

 

[Tom Sawyer]

Orthodox Judaism has Satan as ultimately being an agent of God, acting the adversary but always subservient to God, aka, the book of Job.

Ya, but the character has been significantly ret-conned in the ensuing millennia. Currently he is, and always has been, an enemy acting in opposition to God.

 

[Keith&Co.]

Or the crew of a nuclear submarine armed with nuclear armed ICBMs? Should such submarines be equipped with a well trained exorcist?

SLBM's, actually.

And, no.

No, we are having a hard enough time getting people who believe that women have rights, that transgenders exist, that gays aren't smearing feces on the food... We don't need to create space for someone who thinks that water which was made potable through the use of nuclear power gains magical properties against boogeymen if you cast a 3-rd century spell over it.

We can just have the lay leaders use the app on their phones.
Make it part of the checklist, "ready for sea." Stores on board, spares stowed, consumables inventories, Satan Crush on someone's smartphone, tanks topped off...

 

[DBT]

Orthodox Judaism has Satan as ultimately being an agent of God, acting the adversary but always subservient to God, aka, the book of Job.

Ya, but the character has been significantly ret-conned in the ensuing millennia. Currently he is, and always has been, an enemy acting in opposition to God.

Must be quantum retro causality at work, proof for sure.

 

[Lion IRC]

Didn't Clint Eastwood exorcise Satan on the TV about 6 years ago? I remember he had a (seemingly) empty chair on the stage and he yelled at it. He even said "Now, you just shut up" to the chair. The audience loved it.

That was William Lane Craig

 

[T.G.G. Moogly]

Did anyone mention Ka-Ching?

There is a market for this stupidity and the bogeyman salesman has answered.

There was a recent account of some eastern country where the locals dug up a corpse and did the anti-vampire thing, mutilating the corpse, because the deceased was now returning as a vampire and tormenting the family.

Good stuff.