What is the psychological explanation for these bizarre types of pains I feel?

[ryan]

Pain #1 (not a good pain)

I have thought about this about once a year since it happened almost 30 years ago, and I feel sad every time I think of it. Even typing this memory is giving me sadness.

When I was in grade 6, my teacher told us that we had a homework assignment due the following week. It was a very simple homework assignment. Weeks went past, and I found the assignment crumpled in the back of my desk. I pulled it out and quickly remembered that this assignment had never been taken in.

Unlike now, it was not in my nature to worry about anything to do with unaccounted marks or even school for that matter, but my curiosity drove me to confront the teacher about it anyway. When I approached the teacher about it, she just simply said that I could throw it out because she wasn't going to take it in anymore.

It wasn't anything bad, so why the pain? What is going on?


Pain #2 (good pain)

Every once in a while when I am doing something random like shopping at the supermarket or taking a walk (I am smiling right now because I can sense how ridiculous this is going to seem) people will do things that I think are so cute and innocent; it is so poignant that it gives me pain, but a good pain (like a feel-good movie that ends with a happy ending but makes you feel like crying).

For example, when I am at the market I see someone lifting themselves on their tippy toes to reach something, it feels like I am watching an animal - which is true - doing something so innocent and cute. It hits me hard in the heart. It's so poignant, but it doesn't make sense why I feel pain.

Or when I am walking and it starts to rain, a car might drive in front of me and turn on his or her window wipers. Again, I feel it is so cute and innocent that they decided to turn on their window wipers. It gives me a sweet pain but a pain nonetheless.


Does anyone else feel strong emotions that you can't explain?

 

[ryan]

To clear up what I meant in "pain #1", the teacher never asked the class for the assignment. She just moved past it in here curriculum.

 

[gmbteach]

To clear up what I meant in "pain #1", the teacher never asked the class for the assignment. She just moved past it in here curriculum.

Hang on, the teacher gave an assignment she didn't really expect to get or was going to use as assessment? Why bother? I would dismiss this pain, which I think is guilt, and forget it. As a teacher, I wouldn't give an assignment of no value.

 

[ryan]

To clear up what I meant in "pain #1", the teacher never asked the class for the assignment. She just moved past it in here curriculum.

Hang on, the teacher gave an assignment she didn't really expect to get or was going to use as assessment? Why bother?

I would dismiss this pain, which I think is guilt, and forget it.

Interesting, why do you think it's guilt?

Isn't this strange?

As a teacher, I wouldn't give an assignment of no value.

Yeah it was weird because she seemed like a good teacher other than that.

 

[gmbteach]

Hang on, the teacher gave an assignment she didn't really expect to get or was going to use as assessment? Why bother?

I would dismiss this pain, which I think is guilt, and forget it.

Interesting, why do you think it's guilt?

Isn't this strange?

As a teacher, I wouldn't give an assignment of no value.

Yeah it was weird because she seemed like a good teacher other than that.

I think it's guilt because you felt bad about not handing it in. Once you experience a pain like that it can haunt you.

 

[ryan]

Interesting, why do you think it's guilt?

Isn't this strange?

As a teacher, I wouldn't give an assignment of no value.

Yeah it was weird because she seemed like a good teacher other than that.

I think it's guilt because you felt bad about not handing it in. Once you experience a pain like that it can haunt you.

Thanks for the suggestion, I never thought about it like that before.

 

[gmbteach]

Interesting, why do you think it's guilt?

Isn't this strange?

As a teacher, I wouldn't give an assignment of no value.

Yeah it was weird because she seemed like a good teacher other than that.

I think it's guilt because you felt bad about not handing it in. Once you experience a pain like that it can haunt you.

Thanks for the suggestion, I never thought about it like that before.

You are welcome. Please forgive the curtness of my replies. At first I was flabbergasted that a teacher would hand out an assignment without following it up. I could also empathise as I often feel those twangs of 'guilt' when I haven't done something, or have tasks looming over my head and I am relaxing instead.

 

[Speakpigeon]

I think No. 1 may have more to do with the sense of loss about what you believed was going to be but never did, with perhaps a sense of enhanced uncertainty about reality and lessened trust in what other people say.

No. 2 may be about the sense of loss one may experience about the impossibility of keeping two different points of view at the same time. Somewhat like the impossibility of having one's cake and eating it. Another possibility is the sense of loss that one might experience about moments that will not be shared with others, in your example, fleeting events that you seem to be the only one to notice.
EB

 

[braces_for_impact]

I get this at times, and I think because in a way I create my own internal cinematic experience. When my depression flares up it can happen more. I have to pay very close attention to my feelings and especially the thoughts that trigger them. Sometimes our thoughts happen very quickly and we barely pay attention. I've been practicing mindfulness meditation, and I find that helps me recognize physiological and emotional reactions - and their roots, better.

I sometimes get emotional from every day actions, but usually it's because I'm providing my own context. For instance, in your windshield wiper scenario, I could wax a sort of melancholy-joyfulness by witnessing such a scene. I can find myself quickly thinking about all the pain and sorrow in the world, yet here is a driver, performing the simple act of turning on a windshield wiper. Why? Because it's raining. Why is it raining? Because over the course of billions of years our planet was bombarded by objects containing water - water that makes life possible on this planet. Here we have a life form of that very planet, wiping the water away so they can see where they are going. They themselves are a product of evolution from those original watery creatures, changing over the eons. All these thoughts fly through my mind at amazing speed, so that I scarcely notice them, but then I notice the physiological reaction I get from such thoughts. The feelings I'm having. I can even invoke such feeling simply by thinking abut humanity. All the people of earth, going about their business, doing what humans do.

I'm not sure if this is familiar to you, but it sounds similar to me. I call it "waxing poetic".

 

[Peez]

Interesting, why do you think it's guilt?

Isn't this strange?

As a teacher, I wouldn't give an assignment of no value.

Yeah it was weird because she seemed like a good teacher other than that.

I think it's guilt because you felt bad about not handing it in. Once you experience a pain like that it can haunt you.

Thanks for the suggestion, I never thought about it like that before.

You are welcome. Please forgive the curtness of my replies. At first I was flabbergasted that a teacher would hand out an assignment without following it up. I could also empathise as I often feel those twangs of 'guilt' when I haven't done something, or have tasks looming over my head and I am relaxing instead.

It is perhaps worth pointing out that one's perception of things as a grade 6 student is not always reliable. With all due respect to you, ryan, it is possible that your perception of the situation is not entirely accurate.

That being said, there are two emotions that (for me) just don't seem to fade with time: guilt and embarrassment. I would not describe it as pain, but I also feel a 'ping' of emotion when I witness certain situations, particularly with children. My diagnosis: you are a sensitive, empathetic person.

Peez

 

[ryan]

Thank-you so much Speakpigeon, braces_for_impact and Peez, these are all awesome ideas, and I think they will help me a lot with understanding my depression and anxiety on a deeper level.

Thanks again,

r