Jimmy Higgins
Contributor
- Joined
- Jan 31, 2001
- Messages
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- Calvinistic Atheist
Yup! The biggest spectacle in sports entertainment is here and everyone is asking themselves, "How can WWE possibly put on a great show without Cena, Orton, Cesaro, del Rio, Rollins all suffering from injuries?" Well, apparently they can't.
Lets go through the card for predictions.
Vince McMahon shows up on the screen reminding people that they only had to pay $9.99 to watch this fetid pile of steaming crap... so please keep that in mind.
Rey Mysterio v Goldberg - For the vaunted US Title. They tried to make the Title match with Cena having it for so long. It still doesn't mean much.
Ten Person Diva Tag match - Likely should give fans enough time to go to the potty... during the fucking preshow. Oh god, I miss the 2 year or so period of great women wrestling with Stratus, Lita, Victoria, Jazz. Winner? The Bladder!
Andre the Giant 20 Man Battle Royale - Quite possible one of the most important and highly sought matches to be in if you are at best, a mid-carder. And despite its importance, I don't even think this is getting shown in the main show. Incredible a 4 hour program is going to suck for so long that it needs these terrible wastes of time.
New Day v League of Nations - New Day performs the greatest ever 20 minute long promo. Then they head back, pack up and leave, forgetting they even had a match.
Charlotte v Lynch v Banks - Usually the woman's match gives people a chance to go potty. Tonight it could steal the show. The show isn't going to be good though, so it won't be like WM19 and the Stratus v Jazz v Victoria match that was one of the best that night.
AJ Styles v Chris Jericho - AJ Styles finally gets his WM victory after defeating Jericho is a depressingly short 9 minute match, in order to give HHH enough time to do three promos.
Intercontinental Championship Ladder Match - Yeah, it'd be nice to finish the night off with this one... to get the stale taste of suck out of the mouth. Owens or Zayn win and the others do reckless stuff that looks great, but will end their careers two years early because of this single match.
Ambrose v Lesnar - No seriously. No... this isn't an April Fools joke. They scheduled Ambrose v Lesnar. You know, suplex city. The near unbeatable force... against whip reverse off the second rope mad man, 150 lb Dean Ambrose. And in a no disqualification match, because even WWE can't suspend reality enough to sell a straight up match. Lesnar wins after the 100th F5 on Ambrose. Lesnar then moves to his next feud against Spike Dudley.
Shane McMahon v Undertaker - So desperate to make a match that would draw a crowd, they penciled Shane into a match... against the Undertaker. It must have sounded good at the time. 20 minutes of the 25 minute match will take place during Undertaker's entrance. Match will finish with Shane McMahon giving Undertaker the Tombstone Piledriver, which Undertaker no sells, then hits McMahon with a low blow. Cover for the win.
Triple H v Roman Reigns - WWE fans are sick of Reigns being shoved down their throat. No really. The guy they were cheering 24/7 right up to and including the Royal Rumble two years ago, all of a sudden became a hated wrestler... because he was being shoved down their throat. It had nothing at all to do with Daniel Bryan being booked so weakly in the Rumble. Not at all. WWE fans always hated Reigns. No seriously.
Regardless, Shane McMahon, interferes by throwing Sting to Reigns in the ring. Reigns throws Sting into HHH's eyes, then does that stupid punch thing to knock HHH down for the win. Building burns down.
Lets go through the card for predictions.
Vince McMahon shows up on the screen reminding people that they only had to pay $9.99 to watch this fetid pile of steaming crap... so please keep that in mind.
Rey Mysterio v Goldberg - For the vaunted US Title. They tried to make the Title match with Cena having it for so long. It still doesn't mean much.
Ten Person Diva Tag match - Likely should give fans enough time to go to the potty... during the fucking preshow. Oh god, I miss the 2 year or so period of great women wrestling with Stratus, Lita, Victoria, Jazz. Winner? The Bladder!
Andre the Giant 20 Man Battle Royale - Quite possible one of the most important and highly sought matches to be in if you are at best, a mid-carder. And despite its importance, I don't even think this is getting shown in the main show. Incredible a 4 hour program is going to suck for so long that it needs these terrible wastes of time.
New Day v League of Nations - New Day performs the greatest ever 20 minute long promo. Then they head back, pack up and leave, forgetting they even had a match.
Charlotte v Lynch v Banks - Usually the woman's match gives people a chance to go potty. Tonight it could steal the show. The show isn't going to be good though, so it won't be like WM19 and the Stratus v Jazz v Victoria match that was one of the best that night.
AJ Styles v Chris Jericho - AJ Styles finally gets his WM victory after defeating Jericho is a depressingly short 9 minute match, in order to give HHH enough time to do three promos.
Intercontinental Championship Ladder Match - Yeah, it'd be nice to finish the night off with this one... to get the stale taste of suck out of the mouth. Owens or Zayn win and the others do reckless stuff that looks great, but will end their careers two years early because of this single match.
Ambrose v Lesnar - No seriously. No... this isn't an April Fools joke. They scheduled Ambrose v Lesnar. You know, suplex city. The near unbeatable force... against whip reverse off the second rope mad man, 150 lb Dean Ambrose. And in a no disqualification match, because even WWE can't suspend reality enough to sell a straight up match. Lesnar wins after the 100th F5 on Ambrose. Lesnar then moves to his next feud against Spike Dudley.
Shane McMahon v Undertaker - So desperate to make a match that would draw a crowd, they penciled Shane into a match... against the Undertaker. It must have sounded good at the time. 20 minutes of the 25 minute match will take place during Undertaker's entrance. Match will finish with Shane McMahon giving Undertaker the Tombstone Piledriver, which Undertaker no sells, then hits McMahon with a low blow. Cover for the win.
Triple H v Roman Reigns - WWE fans are sick of Reigns being shoved down their throat. No really. The guy they were cheering 24/7 right up to and including the Royal Rumble two years ago, all of a sudden became a hated wrestler... because he was being shoved down their throat. It had nothing at all to do with Daniel Bryan being booked so weakly in the Rumble. Not at all. WWE fans always hated Reigns. No seriously.
Regardless, Shane McMahon, interferes by throwing Sting to Reigns in the ring. Reigns throws Sting into HHH's eyes, then does that stupid punch thing to knock HHH down for the win. Building burns down.