Violence during consensual sex has become normalised

[TSwizzle]

The consequences of young men having unfettered access to hardcore porn may be coming home to roost;

Violence during consensual sex has become normalised, campaigners have warned. It comes after more than a third of UK women under the age of 40 have experienced unwanted slapping, choking, gagging or spitting during consensual sex, research for BBC Radio 5 Live suggests.
Steven Pope is a psychotherapist specialising in sex and relationships. He told 5 Live that he deals with the negative impact of the rise of acts of these kinds "day in, day out". "It's a silent epidemic. People do it because they think it's the norm but it can be very harmful. What we see is that for many, it devalues the relationship but - at its worst - violence becomes acceptable."

BBC

 

[Jimmy Higgins]

What does porn have to do with making what is cleary dehumanizing acts normalized? Slapping, spitting, gagging are brute force acts and should be understood by anyone that they are harmful and degrading.

If anything this is more indicative that porn has become awful (more like Japanese porn) because this stuff is becoming mainstream in it and there is nothing arousing from pain or discomfort.

 

[ruby sparks]

What does porn have to do with making what is cleary dehumanizing acts normalized? Slapping, spitting, gagging are brute force acts and should be understood by anyone that they are harmful and degrading.

If anything this is more indicative that porn has become awful (more like Japanese porn) because this stuff is becoming mainstream in it and there is nothing arousing from pain or discomfort.

That’s not the problem, apparently. For many women, it is arousing. According to the article, approximately as many women are ok with it as aren’t. Part of the problem, I think, is some men incorrectly assuming they’re having sex with one of the former and not the latter. And there are probably cases where they aren’t even making that assumption, they’re just being deliberately abusive.

 

[steve_bank]

Been saying that for years.

The problem is we have no healthy sex ed programs. We tech kids to wipe butts, bathe, and brush teeth but not how to have sex.

Historically Christians fought tooth and nail against sex ed in public schools.

 

[Starr]

What does porn have to do with making what is cleary dehumanizing acts normalized? Slapping, spitting, gagging are brute force acts and should be understood by anyone that they are harmful and degrading.

If anything this is more indicative that porn has become awful (more like Japanese porn) because this stuff is becoming mainstream in it and there is nothing arousing from pain or discomfort.

That’s not the problem, apparently. For many women, it is arousing. According to the article, approximately as many women are ok with it as aren’t. Part of the problem, I think, is some men incorrectly assuming they’re having sex with one of the former and not the latter. And there are probably cases where they aren’t even making that assumption, they’re just being deliberately abusive.

As someone who does a lot of online dating, it feels like way more than 50%. I am not a kinky guy, and I have no desire for pain during sex, but the number of women who say they do on the compatibility questions is just crazy shocking. It makes it kind of intimidating: I don't want crazy S&M sex, but almost everyone I find otherwise interesting seems to be really into that kind of thing.

 

[J842P]

What does porn have to do with making what is cleary dehumanizing acts normalized? Slapping, spitting, gagging are brute force acts and should be understood by anyone that they are harmful and degrading.

If anything this is more indicative that porn has become awful (more like Japanese porn) because this stuff is becoming mainstream in it and there is nothing arousing from pain or discomfort.

That’s not the problem, apparently. For many women, it is arousing. According to the article, approximately as many women are ok with it as aren’t. Part of the problem, I think, is some men incorrectly assuming they’re having sex with one of the former and not the latter. And there are probably cases where they aren’t even making that assumption, they’re just being deliberately abusive.

As someone who does a lot of online dating, it feels like way more than 50%. I am not a kinky guy, and I have no desire for pain during sex, but the number of women who say they do on the compatibility questions is just crazy shocking. It makes it kind of intimidating: I don't want crazy S&M sex, but almost everyone I find otherwise interesting seems to be really into that kind of thing.

Yup. I have the same experience, and I'm pretty much the poster child for a millennial that has consumed way too much pornography from an early age. I've never had any desire to choke or hit someone during sex, but the amount of girls/women who are really into that was shocking.

Of course, it may seem like a lot because of the type of woman who is willing to fuck me tends to be the type who is into that.

 

[Lion IRC]

Pity the woke brigade has such a problem with the idea of conversion therapy, otherwise we could treat people for these kinds of abnormal unwanted sexual inclinations.

 

[Angra Mainyu]

Pity the woke brigade has such a problem with the idea of conversion therapy, otherwise we could treat people for these kinds of abnormal unwanted sexual inclinations.

Those do not seem to be sexual inclinations unwanted by the people who have them (at least, not in the cases under discussion), so they would not want treatment. Or are you suggesting the forced treatment?

 

[ruby sparks]

Pity the woke brigade has such a problem with the idea of conversion therapy, otherwise we could treat people for these kinds of abnormal unwanted sexual inclinations.

Lol. Good one. That is so funny, and wrong, it's sick.

But, if your definition of 'woke' is 'evidence-based thinking instead of a load of bollocks written in a really, really old book by people who knew dang all about the relevant stuff' then that makes a sort of sense.

In that case, what's up next for the woke brigade? Casting doubt on charms and spells?

 

[skepticalbip]

Pity the woke brigade has such a problem with the idea of conversion therapy, otherwise we could treat people for these kinds of abnormal unwanted sexual inclinations.

You seem to have misread. It was pointed out that some people want this sort of sex. Or did you mean by 'unwanted' that you don't want them to want it?

 

[Angra Mainyu]

Pity the woke brigade has such a problem with the idea of conversion therapy, otherwise we could treat people for these kinds of abnormal unwanted sexual inclinations.

You seem to have misread. It was pointed out that some people want this sort of sex. Or did you mean by 'unwanted' that you don't want them to want it?

He seems to be saying that the inclinations are unwanted, so either he is saying that the people who have those inclinations - and for that reason, want that sort of sex - have a second-order want not to have those inclinations in the first place, or that third parties do not want those people to have those inclinations.

If the former, he is mistaken about them, at least in the cases under consideration, because those people seem to be fine with having those inclinations. If the latter, I wonder (and so, I'm asking him) whether he proposes forced readjustment of the sexual wants of the people whose sexual wants he opposes.

 

[ruby sparks]

Pity the woke brigade has such a problem with the idea of conversion therapy, otherwise we could treat people for these kinds of abnormal unwanted sexual inclinations.

Sorry. Conversion from, or to......what? I have not heard of conversion therapy for certain heterosexual preferences. I have heard of conversion therapy for homosexuality. Is that what you're referring to? If so, it would be off topic. But I did frame my reply as if that's what you were referring to.

 

[Lion IRC]

....more than a third of UK women under the age of 40 have experienced unwanted slapping, choking, gagging or spitting

It clearly says unwanted.

 

[ruby sparks]

....more than a third of UK women under the age of 40 have experienced unwanted slapping, choking, gagging or spitting

It clearly says unwanted.

Er, that does not mean that for many women it is unwanted. In fact, the article says that for many women, it is not unwanted.

Have you never spanked a woman?

 

[Derec]

But, if your definition of 'woke' is 'evidence-based thinking

"Evidence-based thinking" is in nobody's definition of "woke".

 

[skepticalbip]

....more than a third of UK women under the age of 40 have experienced unwanted slapping, choking, gagging or spitting

It clearly says unwanted.

And exactly how would your conversion therapy make any difference for those who already see it as unwanted? It is those who want violent sex that you want to be converted.

 

[Angra Mainyu]

....more than a third of UK women under the age of 40 have experienced unwanted slapping, choking, gagging or spitting

It clearly says unwanted.

Again, those sexual inclinations are not unwanted by the people who had them. So, my question is: would you favor forced treatment?

I'm not saying you shouldn't. Maybe there is a point (or there would be, if the treatment could work) to forcibly treat people who engage in sexual crimes by doing violence against those who do not want it. But in that case, it's not the sexual inclinations to have violent consensual sex, but rather, the inclinations to have violent sex with people who have not consented to it that might be treated (if you had a way of treating them that is not disproportionate to the level of the crime, which depends on the level of the crime of course).

 

[Loren Pechtel]

What does porn have to do with making what is cleary dehumanizing acts normalized? Slapping, spitting, gagging are brute force acts and should be understood by anyone that they are harmful and degrading.

If anything this is more indicative that porn has become awful (more like Japanese porn) because this stuff is becoming mainstream in it and there is nothing arousing from pain or discomfort.

That’s not the problem, apparently. For many women, it is arousing. According to the article, approximately as many women are ok with it as aren’t. Part of the problem, I think, is some men incorrectly assuming they’re having sex with one of the former and not the latter. And there are probably cases where they aren’t even making that assumption, they’re just being deliberately abusive.

As someone who does a lot of online dating, it feels like way more than 50%. I am not a kinky guy, and I have no desire for pain during sex, but the number of women who say they do on the compatibility questions is just crazy shocking. It makes it kind of intimidating: I don't want crazy S&M sex, but almost everyone I find otherwise interesting seems to be really into that kind of thing.

I am aware that it is a thing some people like but I'm amazed at 50+%. I can't understand mixing pain into sex.

 

[Loren Pechtel]

Pity the woke brigade has such a problem with the idea of conversion therapy, otherwise we could treat people for these kinds of abnormal unwanted sexual inclinations.

Conversion therapy works at fucking up people. It doesn't work in changing their sexual desires.

 

[Toni]

As someone who does a lot of online dating, it feels like way more than 50%. I am not a kinky guy, and I have no desire for pain during sex, but the number of women who say they do on the compatibility questions is just crazy shocking. It makes it kind of intimidating: I don't want crazy S&M sex, but almost everyone I find otherwise interesting seems to be really into that kind of thing.

Yup. I have the same experience, and I'm pretty much the poster child for a millennial that has consumed way too much pornography from an early age. I've never had any desire to choke or hit someone during sex, but the amount of girls/women who are really into that was shocking.

Of course, it may seem like a lot because of the type of woman who is willing to fuck me tends to be the type who is into that.

I am not doubting your experience but I will offer up: A lot of women are insecure, especially about online dating. An insecure person will often profess to like something in order to be accepted or liked. Women are persons. They may not be into rough stuff but may think that's what guys insist upon these days, kind of like removing all pubic hair. A disturbing number of teenage boys don't realize that girls/women are supposed to like sex--and a disturbing number of girls don't either or think there's something wrong with them if they don't like (whatever) or aren't ready for penetration before they're even kissed or touched. And a disturbing number of teenagers believe that a girl owes sex to a guy if he buys her dinner or takes her to the movies or asks her.

I know you're not teenagers but consider what a woman who grew up with that kind of expectation might feel about guys who are doing online dating ?