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What makes an awful Xmas song?

 
 
 
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Jimmy Higgins

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So while I worked at a store in my teenaged years, there was one Xmas song I absolutely hated. It would be several more years to find out that Paul McCartney was responsible for it.

Only recently have I started pondering what makes an Xmas song real shitty. McCartney's song is has a ton of upbeat keyboard music and I was wondering if that was the source. I mean, yes, I think it is a part of why it sucks, but then there is Last Christmas by Wham! that has a similar upbeat sound, but it doesn't make me want to pour drano down my throat.

Is it singing? McCartney isn't a bad singer, obviously George Michaels (I'm not really a fan) is a very gifted singer.

So then I pondered the lyrics.
Code: 
The choir of children sing their song
Ding dong, ding dong
Ding dong, ding ooo
Ooo ooo toot toot toot toot toot toot
Oh gawd!!! That probably has a lot to do with it!

I like that McCartney is trying to have an upbeat song, but there is not a single shred of that song that brings me any joy at all. The lyrics, the format, the music, it is all awful.
 
Avon had an Xmas Album that was liked at home. Parton, Feliciano, the Muppets.

Moody Blues has the song December Snow and on the other end Springsteen's Santa Claus is Coming to Town. Over The Rhine has a pair of unique Xmas albums.

No, great Xmas music isn't common. And the older I get, the less special it seems. But there is always Perry Como. I recommend checking out Over the Rhine. I've found survivable Xmas music is often instrumental.
 
IMO what makes an awful one is two things:
1. any attempt to intimating joy or celebration
2. being upbeat

nobody wants some boppy pop song about fucking christmas. the very idea is ridiculous.
it's one of those holidays that is so ubiquitous that you either love it and you don't need anything else, or any art about it should be focused on the contrast of what it's supposed to be vs. what it usually is... IE, it's the highest suicide rate time of the year, it's an utter nightmare for many people trying to juggle financial burdens with guilt and family responsibility while being expected to be full of cheer.

i personally am a fan of the weird little bubble of melancholic christmas songs from the 50s and 60s - mostly the bing crosby type stuff.
i'll be home for christmas, silver bells, stuff like that which goes well with the existential spiraling that can happen to the human mind simply by contemplating a quiet snow-covered city, not to mention the complexities of social engagement and expectation around the holidays.
i find that juxtaposition of embracing the ennui that society that has forced on us to be interesting and pleasant when piped through some PA system outside a barnes and noble, especially if it's that or fucking rockin' around the christmas tree or some other bullshit.
 
My Christmas card last year had "Have a Holly Jolly Christmas" on the front, with "on second thought..." under it. Inside: "FUCK BURL IVES." I sent it to folks who knew exactly what it meant. Ba rump a bump bump.
 
I'm running for President in 2024, with my main goal to create a Ministry of New Xmas music which would require acceptance before a single note of any new Xmas song is ever recorded.
prideandfall said:
IMO what makes an awful one is two things:
1. any attempt to intimating joy or celebration
2. being upbeat

nobody wants some boppy pop song about fucking christmas. the very idea is ridiculous.
Click to expand...
Jingle Bells is pretty boppy. Trying to milk Jiggle Bells to 2 minutes could be considered a war crime.

it's one of those holidays that is so ubiquitous that you either love it and you don't need anything else, or any art about it should be focused on the contrast of what it's supposed to be vs. what it usually is... IE, it's the highest suicide rate time of the year, it's an utter nightmare for many people trying to juggle financial burdens with guilt and family responsibility while being expected to be full of cheer.
Click to expand...
That isn't true. Suicide rates don't really go up during the holidays. Suicide rates actually seem to cycle in America, every four years, between roughly February and ending in November.
 
Jimmy Higgins said:
So while I worked at a store in my teenaged years, there was one Xmas song I absolutely hated. It would be several more years to find out that Paul McCartney was responsible for it.

Only recently have I started pondering what makes an Xmas song real shitty. McCartney's song is has a ton of upbeat keyboard music and I was wondering if that was the source. I mean, yes, I think it is a part of why it sucks, but then there is Last Christmas by Wham! that has a similar upbeat sound, but it doesn't make me want to pour drano down my throat.

Is it singing? McCartney isn't a bad singer, obviously George Michaels (I'm not really a fan) is a very gifted singer.

So then I pondered the lyrics.
Code: 
The choir of children sing their song
Ding dong, ding dong
Ding dong, ding ooo
Ooo ooo toot toot toot toot toot toot
Oh gawd!!! That probably has a lot to do with it!

I like that McCartney is trying to have an upbeat song, but there is not a single shred of that song that brings me any joy at all. The lyrics, the format, the music, it is all awful.
Click to expand...

That McCartney song is definitely the worst holiday song ever. I have to hold myself back from destroying whatever device it’s playing on.
 
I hate that McCartney song! It depresses me when I think about the children in the choir who 'practiced all year long'. I was in a children's choir in my youth and it sucks; a year of singing 'ding dong ding dong' sounds like a nightmare.
 
All Christmas music is awful.

Except perhaps this:

[YOUTUBE]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ck-FMAMmCrE[/YOUTUBE]

And the Australian classic:

[YOUTUBE]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=af7LwnA913g[/YOUTUBE]
 
What makes an awful Xmas song?
Click to expand...

Anything not written by Tripod or Weird Al:

[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uRf55LUtgeI[/youtube]

[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tb-Mce9VpmY[/youtube]
 
I like christmas songs, and especially christmas parody songs.

Patooka said:
[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tb-Mce9VpmY[/youtube]
Click to expand...

Weird Al sometimes does alternate versions of his songs that are performed in concerts or special occasions. For this one there is a version where Santa is taken out by a sniper.

He also had Christmas at Ground Zero:

[YOUTUBE]https://youtu.be/t039p6xqutU[/YOUTUBE]


And there is a collection of Lovecraftian songs: A Very Scary Solstice, and An Even Scarier Solstice" with such classics as "I'm dreaming of a dead city", "Here Comes Yog-Sothoth", "Little Rare Books Room", "Silent Night, Blasphemous Night".
 
Probably not McCartney's best work and I did not particularly like it the first couple of hundred times I heard it but it has grown on me and I don't mind it now.
 
I think there are a few good xmas songs. Most of the ones I like though, are much better done as instrumentals. That's one reason I actually enjoy Trans-Siberian orchestra. The instrumental versions (aka the music without the often idiotic lyrics) are much more enjoyable.

I really like Sleigh Ride, for instance, as well as O Holy Night, and Have Yourself a Merry Little Xmas.

Walking in a Winter Wonderland has terrible lyrics, but the tune is enjoyable (and fun to play if you're at all musical).

There are some really terrible versions of all of these songs, too.

One of my favorite, purely instrumental songs is Christmas Eve, Sarajevo, which is really a medley of multiple songs in a really great format.
 
I like most Christmas music. But I despise Christmas Shoes. It's awful and makes no sense. Absolutely hate.it and that's difficult, because like I said, I like.....dare I say....even love MOST Christmas music.
 
Here's a good and timely one.

[YOUTUBE]https://youtu.be/BxjlBU4oGxE[/YOUTUBE]
 
Being an Xmas song.
 
I love Christmas songs! They're meant to be sung along with though, not piped over a department store speaker.
 
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