Bachmann - Obama is the Antichrist

[Cheerful Charlie]

http://www.rightwingwatch.org/conte...lobal-domination-battle-armageddon-approaches

Michele Bachmann is fantasizing about the apocalypse again — but it’s hard to tell if she’s trying to stop it or enthusiastically cheering it on. The former Republican congresswoman appeared Saturday on the “end times” radio program hosted by Jan Markell and Eric Barger, who she warned that the Syrian civil war was setting up the biblical battle of Armageddon, reported Right Wing Watch.
Bachmann predicted world leaders were poised to grant “legitimacy to the Islamic State,” and she said Russian and Iranian military intervention in Syria was establishing grounds for a future invasion of Israel to seize its energy resources — in accordance with the biblical prophecy.
“I believe that they are positioning themselves so that someday they could invade Israel to be able to take over the vast stores of oil and natural gas that Israel is controlling,” she said.

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And then she gets weird. Right Wing Watch has several other stories about crazed religious fanatics. Wacka! wacka!

 

[braces_for_impact]

Ya know, Obama has a LOT to do in the little time he has left.

1) Disband elections and declare himself Jihadi dictator of 'Merica.
2) Receive massive influx of terrorists refugees from Middle East.
3) Form brown shirt squads
4) Bring in all Latinos from down south that wish to come.
5) Make them law enforcement officers.
6) Make homosexuality mandatory.
7) Outlaw Christianity.
8) Use new cops and brown shirts to gather up all remaining Christians or those that dislike sodomy and put them in FEMA camps.
9) Bring about world government.
10) Declare self anti-Christ.
11) Instigate Armageddon.

Note: These are all things I've heard in just the last few months.

P.S. Oprah is involved somehow as The Great Harlot.(?)

 

[T.G.G. Moogly]

At least she cleared up any remaining questions about the identity of the Whore of Babylon, not to mention reinforcing the obvious close association between religion and mental illness...

 

[Tom Sawyer]

Legal question regarding the apocolypse.

If the Christians are rising up into the sky for the Rapture, are we allowed to start skeet shooting them? I mean, is there an essential difference between those who end up bodily in Heaven and those who just have their souls there because some dickhead on the ground put a bullet into their skulls?

 

[funinspace]

Well, who'd be left to judge?

 

[Keith&Co.]

Well, who'd be left to judge?

My personal estimate is that probably 10 to 60 people, worldwide, qualify for the Rapture.
Which means that there will be a LOT of sore losers roaming around, judging people.
I mean, imagine how the Catholics will act if only the most devout Mormons rise up.
Or how the Baptists if all the Raptured at Catholics.
Or how Westboro will lose their shit if only interracial homosexual Muslims rise up.
Or how the Muslims will behave after two dozen atheist women dressed as sluts are taken up...

If you start to Rise on Judgment Day, I suspect you've got about ten minutes to clear the populated areas before those Left Behind start to realize they're NOT going to be taken Home that day. And they're going to be pretty fucking pissed... So try to serpentine on the way up. Minimize your profile as a target.

And if you're not taken up, be very careful around those that expected to be taken up. Humans have never had a strong tradition of being good losers...

 

[jonJ]

I wrote this a few years back at the time of the Harold Camping lunacy:

https://religiousatrocities.wordpre...ypse-mildly-inconveniences-up-to-four-people/

In an exclusive interview, God revealed to us today that Harold Camping was correct, and the Christian Apocalypse actually took place yesterday at midday.
“Yes, Harold was right all along,” said the deity. “That first prediction was a slip-up, but the second one was right on the nose.”

We asked the Lord to take us through the steps involved in holding an Apocalypse. “Well, first you have to find all the people in the world who are holding to the Biblical faith of Christianity. That turned out to be a bit of a problem, actually. I was pinning my hopes on a homeless man in Manhattan, Jesus had his eye on an elderly couple in rural Syria, and the Holy Ghost was all worked up about a sixteen-year-old Belgian girl, but when we took them aside and actually questioned them it turned out that they all believed in evolution, science, medicine, stuff like that. Phys-ics, whatever that is. Am I saying it right? So we had to leave them there. Otherwise we would have totally, like, levitated them up to Heaven. No question about that.”

Why so few? “Well, it’s not easy to believe self-contradictory nonsense, I admit. That’s the whole point. If it was easy to believe, anybody could do it. Where would your sense of self-righteous privilege be then? But I was younger then. I may have overdone it. Talking snakes, really? What was I thinking?”

What about Harold Camping? “Harold’s a great guy, but he’s not totally sincere in renouncing the works of the devil for the power of prayer. I’ve seen him take an aspirin or two in his time. So he’s stuck. But hey, Harold, if you’re reading this, thanks for giving the heads-up. Drop in if you’re in town and I’ll buy you a beer.”

Asked what will happen to the remaining seven billion human beings who failed the test of believing in Biblical Christianity, the Almighty shrugs: “They’re out of my jurisdiction.”

 

[braces_for_impact]

Or how the Muslims will behave after two dozen atheist women dressed as sluts are taken up...

No! Don't take the sluts! That right there is proof god is not benevolent. Bastard.

 

[Underseer]

Legal question regarding the apocolypse.

If the Christians are rising up into the sky for the Rapture, are we allowed to start skeet shooting them? I mean, is there an essential difference between those who end up bodily in Heaven and those who just have their souls there because some dickhead on the ground put a bullet into their skulls?

No, you wouldn't want to do that, because if you do that, then God will send you to Hell. You don't want to go to Hell, do you?

 

[Cheerful Charlie]

The scary part is not that Bachmann spewed this insane crap. The scary part is that there are radio programs out there that cater to crap like this.

 

[funinspace]

Well, who'd be left to judge?

My personal estimate is that probably 10 to 60 people, worldwide, qualify for the Rapture.
Which means that there will be a LOT of sore losers roaming around, judging people.
I mean, imagine how the Catholics will act if only the most devout Mormons rise up.
Or how the Baptists if all the Raptured at Catholics.
Or how Westboro will lose their shit if only interracial homosexual Muslims rise up.
Or how the Muslims will behave after two dozen atheist women dressed as sluts are taken up...

If you start to Rise on Judgment Day, I suspect you've got about ten minutes to clear the populated areas before those Left Behind start to realize they're NOT going to be taken Home that day. And they're going to be pretty fucking pissed... So try to serpentine on the way up. Minimize your profile as a target.

And if you're not taken up, be very careful around those that expected to be taken up. Humans have never had a strong tradition of being good losers...

LOL...my comment was strictly a joke about the judgmentalism of so many rapture hungry buffoons.

What if won't be any "rapture"?
http://reflections.yale.edu/article...left-behind/do-we-have-story-tell-reflections

My favorite silly notion on this is that only the people who believe in eternal torment for the masses (aka billions of people) will be sent there, as their minds are obviously consumed with nasty stuff...

 

[funinspace]

The scary part is not that Bachmann spewed this insane crap. The scary part is that there are radio programs out there that cater to crap like this.

Yep, and it is even worse now with the wild wild web allowing loons to link together like never before. Ironically, I got hooked on RightWingWatch due to a redneck-evangelical in-law spouting hate about the site as they are obviously part of the lying libral media.