Declaring pronouns, ethnicity, clothing style and hair colour

[SigmatheZeta]

Trans-woman, here.

People either get my pronouns right or not. If they do, then I kind of like that. If they don't, then they kind of annoy me.

The world does not have to crucify everybody that annoys me. In fact, I happen to be close friends with many people that do a variety of things that annoy me. My husband does things that annoy me, and he does them every day. The most annoying thing he does is to tell me that I should clean my office. I tell him that he can get his own office, and when he has gotten his own office, then he can keep it as tidy as he likes. Nevertheless, he persists. I would prefer if he did not do these kinds of annoying things, but we have had certain arguments so many times that they have become predictable and boring.

However, I do kind of like it when people get my pronouns right, and I do not consider myself to be obligated to enjoy being misgendered.

I have never regarded this subject as a complicated one.

Agreed. This is not complicated. This is not fucking hard to grasp. Don't be an asshole. Call people (even those whom you disagree with) the correct pronoun. Give respect, and maybe you'll get it back.

Metaphor thinks it's quite difficult.

It would be less difficult if it were justified. Pronouns for animals are based on sex, and although sometimes non-trans people get mis-sexed by pronoun usage, it is quite rare. When trans ideologists say people are 'misgendering' trans people, they mean people are using the pronoun that corresponds to the person's sex rather than their gender identity. This happens because people are used to using pronouns for sex rather than gender identity, and unfortunately for many trans people, they simply do not pass as the other sex.

But, even though I have engaged in polite fictions for trans people who want me to use a pronoun that does not match their sex, I am not willing to engage in the vast array of neopronouns that people are demanding, and I suspect the "I'm not an asshole" crowd on here would not do it either.

Only my closest friends use my neopronouns. Cherished memories are connected with them. It was part of my childhood.

And ideology, schmideology. If you like me personally, then you'd probably call me whatever I asked you to call me. If I insulted you, then you'd probably insult me back in more ways than just misgendering me. I am not entitled for you to respect me or to like me. You look classier if you choose to take the high-road in spite of me not really deserving it, but besides that, I do not actually take it for granted that you should actually like me. I've just met you.

I find it flattering if somebody believes that I look feminine, though. I do not think that I should need a reason or an explanation why. That is how you make me feel good. It actually makes me feel extremely happy, and it does wonders for my self-esteem. If pleasing me is what you are trying for, then I am a remarkably easy crowd.

I can only guess why you would want to make me feel good. Maybe you are very polite, which most people think is a selling-point. Maybe you just think that I am a cool and funny sort of person, and it makes you feel good to see me smile. Maybe that's just how you were raised. You could have any reason or no reason.

For me, it is not about ideology. The neuroanatomical differences between my brain and yours make my perceptions of these things different. I cannot help that. It was not my idea. If it makes you feel any better, it is weird for me, too.

Journal of Psychiatric Research​

Volume 45, Issue 7, July 2011, Pages 949-954

Some transgender people are not really sure how to deal with it, and they cling to little ideologies that are not quite like the bare-bones facts of what they are. They form up into little tribes the way they do because they feel like there is nobody else besides people like themselves that they can talk to, at some points in their lives. This can make their language confusing to people that are not a part of their subculture. I am not like that, but I get why they are.

I am a little bit more easy-going, though, or at least I think I am. It comes from hanging out with eclectic types of people. It was a harder path, but in the long-run, I think it's been good for me.