Jesus owned a dinosaur. This is a church tradition so well known that to doubt it is to disown the religion. Specifically, he owned a young female allosaurus that he bought off a hostler in Magdala in exchange for some coins with Caesar on 'em and a magic show. She was named Mary, and some of the gospel writers confused her with the female camp followers who hung out with JC and his posse. Today there is a respected school of thought that the only reason she is considered a prostitute is the ancient Christian rune (or meme) that "Christe rode his Mary both daye and nighte." Well, ride her he did. You think he walked all over the hot sand and rocks in sandals?? At Matthew 28:1, Jesus' mom brings the allosaurus to the empty tomb, where an earthquake and an angel dislodge the boulder at the entryway. In the earliest known texts, however, Mary the dinosaur head-butts the rock out of the way, which makes a lot more sense, is contextually sensitive, and harmonizes with faith as "the power to move mountains." Jesus and his pet female allosaurus. Doubt this story at the peril of losing your faith to pagan influences.