Dow Plummets 30 points in Exaggerated Article

[Jimmy Higgins]

NEW YORK, NY -- The Dow Jones "plummeted" over 30 points today withdrawing from grossly overly-exaggerated gains of up to 300 (< 1%). The hyperbolic collapse in the market was caused when traders lost complete confidence in tech companies and sold in a frantic rush leading corporate executives at Alphabet, Facebook, and other tech companies to fling their bodies out of the windows of their tower building offices. The Dow had finished up for the week last Friday, before the market implosion today, after a weak jobs market report calmed investors that the economic crisis wouldn't go away as quickly as feared.

 

[Elixir]

NEW YORK, NY -- The Dow Jones "plummeted" over 30 points today withdrawing from grossly overly-exaggerated gains of up to 300 (< 1%). The hyperbolic collapse in the market was caused when traders lost complete confidence in tech companies and sold in a frantic rush leading corporate executives at Alphabet, Facebook, and other tech companies to fling their bodies out of the windows of their tower building offices. The Dow had finished up for the week last Friday, before the market implosion today, after a weak jobs market report calmed investors that the economic crisis wouldn't go away as quickly as feared.

Meanwhile the NASDAQ plunged over 3.5%, as everyone knew it would. The NASDAQ has been beset by problems, most notably the terrifying prospect that people may not be locked in their houses much longer.

 

[none]

oh my, thank you reporters of infractions.
next up my genitals for inspection, but you gotta shave your legs.
and ladies, don't worry bleach it is what the zoidberg ordered.... red doctor.
fukin' humor... don't tell
A OK J.H. "hehe" the OP.
decipher this shit because I ain't even unloaded on the OBVIOUS. LOLOLOLO

 

[none]

eeck.

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Dow Plummets 30 points in Exaggerated Article

 

[Elixir]

NEW YORK, NY -- The Dow Jones "plummeted" over 30 points today withdrawing from grossly overly-exaggerated gains of up to 300 (< 1%). The hyperbolic collapse in the market was caused when traders lost complete confidence in tech companies and sold in a frantic rush leading corporate executives at Alphabet, Facebook, and other tech companies to fling their bodies out of the windows of their tower building offices. The Dow had finished up for the week last Friday, before the market implosion today, after a weak jobs market report calmed investors that the economic crisis wouldn't go away as quickly as feared.

Meanwhile the NASDAQ plunged over 3.5%, as everyone knew it would. The NASDAQ has been beset by problems, most notably the terrifying prospect that people may not be locked in their houses much longer.

Following up, markets continue to tank because who would have thought that giving away trillions of dollars to people and Corporations for producing nothing at all, could lead to inflation?

 

[Jimmy Higgins]

The Dow holds the Fed hostage. Has been for a bit. Trump wasn't helping either. But the Fed can rein inflation in, by raising rates. The Dow shits itself because borrowing is actually going to cost money again and the stock buybacks are over.