Gender differences in who we'll let touch us where

[ronburgundy]

This cool study had men and women from 4 countries use online body maps to mark where various types of people would be allowed to touch them. The results aren't just about gender differences but there are interesting and predictable gender results.

The brighter the color (yellow and white) the more comfortable being touching on that part of the body by that category of person. The red labels refer to female touchers and blue to male touchers. Women subjects (top 2 rows) were more comfortable being touched all over by their romantic partner, and more comfortable being touched on their arms, shoulders, and head by relatives and close relations of either sex. About the only time men reported greater comfort being touched compared to women was when being touched around the genitals by an opposite sex "acquaintance" (not qualifying as a "friend") and an opposite sex "stranger". In short, women are more comfortable with interpersonal contact in general, except men are more willing to get hand-jobs from opposite sex people they barely know.

An open question is how much of this difference is socially conditioned versus biological. One piece of data that would help tease that apart is whether the differences are similarly strong across generations. Gender roles are notably more murky and less enforced now than 50 years ago. The socialization hypothesis would predict much stronger gender differences among those over 50 than those under 30.

 

[Malintent]

I don't understand the implication that women are more comfortable with their partner touching them anywhere than the men are. That seems anti-intuitive.

 

[Loren Pechtel]

I don't understand the implication that women are more comfortable with their partner touching them anywhere than the men are. That seems anti-intuitive.

Yeah, that one makes no sense. Other than personal sensitive spots I would expect total freedom to touch a partner.

Perhaps the problem is too loose a definition of "partner", including casual sexual contacts.

 

[Tom Sawyer]

I know that when I'm on the train going home, if I start touching the people sitting next to me, they tend to get up and move. I assume that they do this because they realize that I am a nice, friendly person and they want to be neighbourly and give me more elbow and leg room.

 

[Rhea]

I don't understand the implication that women are more comfortable with their partner touching them anywhere than the men are. That seems anti-intuitive.

I was assuming that it indicated comfort level with cuddling and clinging. Where men don't mind being touched sexually, but sometimes have less patience with hand-holding, cuddling and other forms of non-sexual touching. I don't know this, it just was I assumed when I saw the difference.

 

[ronburgundy]

I don't understand the implication that women are more comfortable with their partner touching them anywhere than the men are. That seems anti-intuitive.

I was assuming that it indicated comfort level with cuddling and clinging. Where men don't mind being touched sexually, but sometimes have less patience with hand-holding, cuddling and other forms of non-sexual touching. I don't know this, it just was I assumed when I saw the difference.

That was my interpretation too.

 

[Malintent]

I started thinking about my ticklish spots... I don't like being tickled. My spouse knows where not to touch me unless she wants to get a reflexive kick. So, I guess... My spouse doesn't really mind when I inadvertently hit that one spot on her thigh that tickles her... so I am thinking it is making a little more sense to me.

 

[Loren Pechtel]

I started thinking about my ticklish spots... I don't like being tickled. My spouse knows where not to touch me unless she wants to get a reflexive kick. So, I guess... My spouse doesn't really mind when I inadvertently hit that one spot on her thigh that tickles her... so I am thinking it is making a little more sense to me.

As I said, personal sensitive spots.

 

[thebeave]

My last girlfriends's taboo spot was the top of her head. She was kind of short, and I once patted her on the top of her head and jokingly said, "There, there" after she fussed about something silly. Geez, the response was like when you try to rub a cat's belly...

 

[bilby]

I am very sensitive to being touched - I think it comes with being on the spectrum.

If you touch me unexpectedly - particularly if I am concentrating hard on something (which is my usual state of being) - I will probably punch you before I am even consciously aware of your presence.

 

[fast]

I know that when I'm on the train going home, if I start touching the people sitting next to me, they tend to get up and move. I assume that they do this because they realize that I am a nice, friendly person and they want to be neighbourly and give me more elbow and leg room.

There tends to be greater rejection towards those that are nice, friendly people--whether you're on a train going home or not. The key is allowing your niceness and friendliness to rubber band. You cannot modify your behavior to the comfort level of the touchee. Use the comfort level as a gauge to adjust the rubber banning. Always create mild discomfort, then back off. Then go in again (in regards to niceness and friendliness--I'm not saying to be a pervert.) Before long, you'll have your own place, because your wife will have left you, because once you find that so many more people want to touch you, you'll find that the not being so consistently nice and friendly exercise will open the door for opportunities you never yourself thought was possible. Of course, this isn't going to happen, because you're stuck in a mode of consistence regarding your niceness and friendliness, as indicated by the image in the OP. I made that last part up.

 

[ronburgundy]

My last girlfriends's taboo spot was the top of her head. She was kind of short, and I once patted her on the top of her head and jokingly said, "There, there" after she fussed about something silly. Geez, the response was like when you try to rub a cat's belly...

That might have been more a response to the sentiment you were conveying than where you patted her. Same words with a pat on the shoulder might have gotten a similar response. Although, its plausible that short people are especially sensitive to getting pat on the head since its mostly done to short people by taller people. Given that height seems more valued for men (at least in the US), I wonder if men are more sensitive to women to being touched on the top of the head by a taller person.

 

[ronburgundy]

So, does anyone question the implication of the data showing gender differences in males being much more accepting of opposite sex strangers and "acquaintances" touching their junk? (acknowledging that their aren't enough homosexuals in the samples to assume anything about how they might be similar or different).

It cohere's well with other research on promiscuity and sexual infidelity, with men being higher in both. There are way more strangers and acquaintences in the world than friends and partners. Being generally open to being touched by them would massively increase sexual opportunities. Of course, the women in such encounters is also having sexual contact with a stranger or acquaintance. But this is less of a problem than it seems. It doesn't change to logic, but simplifies the math to treat willingness to be sexually touched by a stranger as a dichotomous variable (either you are or are not). Suppose 70% of men are willing but only 35% of women are willing. For the women that are willing, most of the men they encounter are also willing, thus they have many opportunities and thus are likely to have such contact often. In contrast, for the 70% of men that are willing, most of the women they encounter are not willing. Thus, while they are likely to find an opportunity on occasion, they will have fewer opportunities to cheat with multiple partners than do the women willing to be touched by strangers. What this means is that while the % of men who cheat at all is higher than women, those women who cheat have cheated with more partners than the men that have cheated. This is what allows for their to be a gender difference in % who have cheated on a partner with at least one stranger, even though the total number of sex acts with strangers has to be equal for men and women.

 

[Loren Pechtel]

My last girlfriends's taboo spot was the top of her head. She was kind of short, and I once patted her on the top of her head and jokingly said, "There, there" after she fussed about something silly. Geez, the response was like when you try to rub a cat's belly...

I've rubbed cat's bellies before--it doesn't seem to be taboo. Now, waving fingers around like that in front of a cat is just asking to be grabbed, though!

My mother actually managed to teach her cat to keep it's claws in while grabbing her in that situation--something that certainly wouldn't have happened if the cat disapproved of what she was doing.

 

[Malintent]

My last girlfriends's taboo spot was the top of her head. She was kind of short, and I once patted her on the top of her head and jokingly said, "There, there" after she fussed about something silly. Geez, the response was like when you try to rub a cat's belly...

she bit you? damn.

 

[masterpeastheater]

Apparently its only moderately but not completely taboo for a guy to touch his sister's boobs. Same thing for some other relatives and for friends(sometimes friends end up hooking up, but still, usually, come on). I call bullshit.

 

[ronburgundy]

Apparently its only moderately but not completely taboo for a guy to touch his sister's boobs. Same thing for some other relatives and for friends(sometimes friends end up hooking up, but still, usually, come on). I call bullshit.

So you have no basis to reject the data other than that you don't agree with what they imply? Sounds like religion. Also, the data don't imply what you claim. It is not merely "moderately" taboo for a guy to touch his sisters boobs. The color of that area is around a 3-4 on the 30 point scale. That means almost all women found it off limits and a handful could imagine scenarios where it might be acceptable, but even then viewed the genitals as completely off limits, showing it wasn't really about "hooking up".

 

[Loren Pechtel]

Apparently its only moderately but not completely taboo for a guy to touch his sister's boobs. Same thing for some other relatives and for friends(sometimes friends end up hooking up, but still, usually, come on). I call bullshit.

So you have no basis to reject the data other than that you don't agree with what they imply? Sounds like religion. Also, the data don't imply what you claim. It is not merely "moderately" taboo for a guy to touch his sisters boobs. The color of that area is around a 3-4 on the 30 point scale. That means almost all women found it off limits and a handful could imagine scenarios where it might be acceptable, but even then viewed the genitals as completely off limits, showing it wasn't really about "hooking up".

Yeah, I can think of a situation where it would be appropriate--she's injured and needs help bathing.